[lightinthesky]

I am not sure where to post it but I will give it a try. .after a break up with my boyfriend (he ended it) I started feeling really bad about myself, I keep comparing my life with his, he was out of a rehab 6 months ago, he moved to London where he is from and now his life is going up and up and up, he got a really good job and he is doing sports, he has many new friends etc. I feel really bad about myself, feel like I can not do anything without him, I am 21 and I work at the bar, I live in Ireland and it is very hard to live here, I did office administration and marketing diploma but so far it doesn't help me, I want to start studying again in September but nothing interests me.. I feel very bad about myself, about my life, feel like I am not good enough, like his life got so much better now that I am not in his life, I want to become a better person, I want to love myself again and I want to move forward but now I feel like I am standing steel being all sad and pathetic, please someone help me, please.

[NWgirl2013]

His life didn't get better because you aren't in it... he is using his time to focus on himself and it is working...that's really all.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time, but I like that you want to study again. That is a positive thing.
You work at a bar but have other skills, things you can do. Perhaps if you like the idea of working in a small business, you could work towards being the manager, book keeper or something that will use your brain in a different way.
Perhaps it is time to consider moving yourself...maybe to another country...

If you want to brain storm, I can help you with that.

Also, as an aside, have you ever done any sort of skills assessment, personality test type stuff? Sometime they can be very informative in steering you toward something that would make you feel the most satisfied. Look up Meyers-Briggs to start, see what you think...
Best of luck to you

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by NWgirl2013

His life didn't get better because you aren't in it... he is using his time to focus on himself and it is working...that's really all.
I'm sorry you are having a hard time, but I like that you want to study again. That is a positive thing.
You work at a bar but have other skills, things you can do. Perhaps if you like the idea of working in a small business, you could work towards being the manager, book keeper or something that will use your brain in a different way.
Perhaps it is time to consider moving yourself...maybe to another country...

If you want to brain storm, I can help you with that.

Also, as an aside, have you ever done any sort of skills assessment, personality test type stuff? Sometime they can be very informative in steering you toward something that would make you feel the most satisfied. Look up Meyers-Briggs to start, see what you think...
Best of luck to you

Thank you so much for your reply.. I recently did a test with my therapist about careers, but I will only see the results on Tuesday. It bothers me that I don't know what I want to do, I gotta stay in Ireland for another year and no matter where I go - I will need either education or experience, I have none so far, I got so lazy after this break up, when I think of starting something I have this "what is the point? are you trying to prove something?" in my head, and it is true, I am trying to prove him that I am good enough even tho I don't believe in this, his is from a big family and all his brothers have money, my family is a family of simple workers, we never big money, but my problem now is that this feeling of low self esteem is killing me, I don't feel myself interesting or attractive, I hate my job and I don't see any better future any time soon.. it is like without him I am lost, I am nothing anymore.

[nycgal448]

Hey, Light, I hope u reach all ur goals cuz honesty u really deserve it,
and by talking to u in the time I have, I Know that u will succeed, u are
a fighter and u have the capability and determination.... piece of cake.

[StrongerMan]

The loving yourself part must come before you can become a better person or more like the person you want to be. You have to want to do it for yourself and realize that other people don't define you. The moment we start giving them that power is when we start losing are true selves. Don't be so hard on yourself. I feel a lot of what you are describing and I am almost 45. So you have age on your side. Only time can heal the break-up part and that process is different for everyone.

[lightinthesky]

Originally Posted by StrongerMan

The loving yourself part must come before you can become a better person or more like the person you want to be. You have to want to do it for yourself and realize that other people don't define you. The moment we start giving them that power is when we start losing are true selves. Don't be so hard on yourself. I feel a lot of what you are describing and I am almost 45. So you have age on your side. Only time can heal the break-up part and that process is different for everyone.

Thank you, I find it hard to love myself and I don't know why, maybe I feel like there is something wrong with me since my chosen one can't love me back, could be because he is smart enough not to, I don't know.

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[notallwhowander]

Hey lady,
remember that we only accept the love we think we deserve. StrongerMan is right; if you don't love yourself first, you won't become the person you hope to, and you won't accept love around you that helps you get there.
Also, how ludicrous is it that there's this game we play after break-ups (some of them, anyways) where the winner is the one who's fit and happily employed and moved on... though it's hard to see things differently now, you've got your whole life to find happiness and meaning that's all yours, regardless of comparison to this one ex-boyfriend. Who knows what the future will bring, but don't sit around waiting for it to happen to you if you want any say in how it ends up!