How to overcome negative input?

So how can one overcome what I'm calling negative input? This isn't the same as being around a negative person. What I mean is repeated statements about some facet of your life by different people.

For example, I love basketball, but it's not really part of my life. So when someone says I'm no Larry Bird or not as good a coach as Pat Riley, it doesn't affect my self-esteem because, well duh there's only one Larry Bird and only one Pat Riley.

On the other hand, when I'm told I look like a weasel or I'm the ugliest person they've seen, I can act like it doesn't bother me ... heck, it may not, but after hearing it year after year from so many different people, it hurts my self-esteem and makes me feel terrible.

So how do I overcome something about myself that it seems like so many people feel the need to point out? I mean, it's rude as heck to point out that an amputee is missing a limb, so what gives someone the right to make sure I'm reminded that I'm not smart? How do I focus on my strengths when so many focus on my weaknesses?

P.S. It's not that I get 7 good compliments to 1 bad. As an example I can count the number of people that say I'm attractive on one hand, but the number of people that need to remind me that I'm ugly would fill a Wal-Mart.

Hi Webgobi, for each and every single one of those people who have said that you are already one (a big one!!) ahead of them!! You wouldn't be putting someone else down in that way, just as you said it's rude as heck!! And come on, do they need their eyes testing, or what??!!
But if they're going around saying things like that to people clearly a lack of respect for others, clearly not so interested in what someone is really like, clearly oblivious to how what they say may effect others, clearly insensitive........the list goes on. Now imagine would you rather be you or would you rather be them??
And the answer better be "you" there!!!!
Sure you can tell someone who has said something like that to you that "actually, that's quite a rude/hurtful thing to say" and shock them into rethinking what they've said but up to you on that one.
What you really need to do more of though, is focus on people who actually matter, who are going to matter to you, right??!! The people who see you for who you are, the people who value/respect you, the people who are going to see you.
And that doesn't mean ignoring your looks either!! If someone isn't "conventionally" attractive, their personality, character can still show in their looks......their facial expressions.....their mannerisms.........and the attractiveness of those make the person attractive to someone who actually bothers to really see someone.
Alison

I can't believe people would be so rude not to mention hurtful.

I agree with Frankbtl. Dump these losers. They are not very bright themselves since they have no manners.

I'm sorry they hurt your feelings.

I don't hang around the Walmarts of life where people I don't like/who don't like me reside and who don't know me. I think that is the easiest way. If I decide I look like a weasel I play that up, make it a "good" thing. I mean, this guy looks adorable to me!

Yeah, weasels are cute! That's what i came here to say. But cuteness isn't why we should care about nature and conservation, as well. Two things I care about a lot.

Who are these jerks telling you you are ugly?!? What a bunch of idiots! Small minds. Remember the unusual looking guy that married Julia Roberts the "beautiful" actress? Ugly and beautiful just don't matter that much, and people who think they do matter are probably not the smartest (or are in some superficial industry). Neglect those people. Sure, beauty is enjoyable at times, but it's overrated. Most of us are around average and if we're lucky we have a good feature or two. But a good personality or sense of humour can last forever. There are many more attributes more important than appearance.

Thanks everyone! I'll take this advice to heart and start working on distancing myself from those negative influences.

Distancing yourself from these people sounds like a great idea. I would also work on sticking up for myself. I am not sure if that is the right phrasing, but if someone says something rude to you, or something you don't like, you can tell them and put a stop to it right then. Cultivate a sense of outrage at this shocking bad behavior -- because it really is shocking for adults to be telling other adults that they are ugly or stupid!

A better question might be "how can I make people stop saying these rude things to me" instead of "how can I live with the horrible things people say to me?"

"Wow, that's a really hurtful thing to say. Why would you say that to someone?"
"Please don't say things like that to me. How would you feel if I said that to you (or to your daughter/grandchild/whatever)?"
"That hurts my feelings."

I wonder if fake-it-til-you-make-it works for this situation? When we don't have enough self-esteem in the first place, we tend to put up with rude things people say to us, which then serves to confirm our low-self esteem. It's a vicious cycle. If we break one part of the cycle, the part where we let people say rude things, will that help improve our self esteem? I wonder...

Miss Manners said that the appropriate response for a rude remark or question is to just keep asking, "Excuse me?" like you didnt hear them or are unclear on what they said. If they keep repeating it or try to clarify, she thinks they'll eventually "get" how horrible they are being. People have acted like butts with me on this, but at least we finally understand each other.

Thank you for the advice Hvert and Hankster. Is funny, I'm working on a book called "Building Self-Esteem using CBT". While I've always stood up got myself, it often results in conflict. The really wild part in going through the book is I found that as a kid, I figured out how to work the system so there was no need for me to rebel against my patents. Simply put, if I what was expected of me, I got to do what I wanted because my parents trusted me. Since I never rebelled, I never learned how to stand up for myself appropriately. The only time I had to was in a fight. Ergo, when I stand up for myself even if I don't mean to, I come across as confrontational.

So now I'm working on my body image despite what others say and trying to relearn standing up for myself.

Hey, Webgoji, I came across this video just now and thought of your thread. It's about bullying. Bullying for a different aspect of appearance than yours, but the message stands. I only read the transcript, which is right below the video: Bully Calls News Anchor Fat, News Anchor Destroys Him On Live TV

Thats interesting web. Ive been told im aggressive not assertive. I learned how to dodge carp from my family too. But my mother is definitely aggressive and hurtful and if i look back honestly, i was more like her than i want to admit, esp to my dad. I never realized what a mouth i had on me. But i was just copying what i saw. Really hard.

it ha been awakening to see the mirrors and reallygeta look at our oh so human ways we interact, iremember as a kid swearing i would never ever be the way my parents were........uh oh
i have amixture of both their useful and practcal habits that work, and......some that are embarrassing

I would distance yourself from these people or completely remove them from your life

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatabbrdf

V
M. Md