[Magnitude]

Hello,
I've taken several shots at improving my self-esteem and other stuff over the years but find myself digesting the principles and arguments but not actually making any changes!

So maybe what I read was wrong for me, or maybe I am cr@p?

Two things provided me with a hint of possible change. But I got no further than that. One was an exercise in the book 'The Artist's Way' by Julia Cameron, in which she tells you to write down an extremely positive statement about yourself and immediately write everything that comes to mind afterwards - which is inevitably negative - and do that 10x for each positive statement. Then afterwards she asks where did those negative reactions come from? It was then that I realised all my self loathing was programmed into me by my mother and father and grandmother. Followed by my siblings. That was a big lesson!

I should have done something about that. I should have realised that my self esteem wasn't theirs to mold. But for some reason I didn't and simply carried on - except from then onwards I knew where it came from!

The other thing that helped was some self esteem gurus. You know the thing, they make a great argument for you being a unique individual and one in a million and inherently worthwhile/ Sometimes when listen to this stuff I get carried away and believe them for a while and feel all optimistic and positive about the huge change that I'm going to make in my life. Then when I try and do something all the cr@p comes back and I feel like I've wasted my time again.

The other problem is that as I read self-help stuff I begin to realise just how screwed up I might be if I think too hard about it. I mean, today I did a BPD test, got a high score, and now I think I have BPD. I don't know if I do or not. Maybe tomorrow I'll think about becoming an astronaut again and believe I can do it for a day and the day after, maybe I'll...

I feel like if I pull on one thread a bunch more come out and before I know it I'm inundated with possible problems I might have and my reading list grows to 100+ books and the problem can't be solved today or tomorrow but I'll need years of counselling or a degree or something. I was simple answers!
- that work!

So does anyone here have any suggestions for any kind of 'self-esteem bullet' in the shape of a book or course or speaker or injection of some kind?

[kaliope]

I don't have a book or anything but I can tell you what worked for me. like you I had all those messages in my head telling me I was no good. I needed something to counteract that. so I started with one indisputable fact about me. I am a good professional writer. I write excellent reports. there is no denying this no matter how bad I feel about myself. I could always deny that people loved me, my kids only loved me because I was their mom, my boss loved me because I kept her together, but I could never deny that I was a good writer. I had physical evidence for that. all the As and praise throughout school, the praise from attorneys and the courts on the reports I had written. so when I was feeling down on myself for something, I would say to myself, yeah I may be bad at this, but I am an excellent writer and I would feel good again. slowly I started finding more indisputable facts about me until I had a whole file of them in my head. I eventually got to the point where I could even say people loved me and believed it. it took years mind you, but I have good self esteem today. it only starts with one. take care

[dwfieldjr]

The power of positive thinking, I'm reading that one now.

[JoeS21]

Having good role models worked for me.

I deliberately surrounded myself with other people who have good self esteem (people who rarely insult themselves, people who are usually positive, people who have good attitudes, etc.). Sometimes this meant spending extra time with teachers, in school groups, in clubs... I felt that their behavior and perceptions rubbed off on me. They seemed to treat me with similar esteem and respect that they afforded themselves.

[Little Lulu]

There have been some good ideas posted here ... thanks to everyone.

Behaving in a way that I feel good about helps my self-esteem. There is a saying in psychology that "feelings follow behavior". So, living my life in a way that I feel good about helps me feel better. Examples - doing my best at work, keeping my commitments, showing kindness toward others and myself, being supportive of friends and family, taking care of my body and health, forgiving myself when I fall short of where I would like to be - all of these (and more) help me feel good about me.

[Perna]

Books ain't where it is at, action is:

[Shan57]

Journalling really helped me.

[BeGentle]

I'm reading "Reinventing Your Life" by Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko. I've read tons of stuff but this book is no-nonsense and makes a lot of sense to me; especially Chapter 17. Also "How People Change" by Allen Whellis is supposed to be very good. I just ordered it.

Remember to loosen the grip on yourself and apply kindness and patience. You're on the right track heading in the right direction. That's a very good start. Not many people are willing to do the work.

Changing our thought process is going to be a life-long effort. It's like your the sculpture, sculpting your own body/mind and life. We can't see what we are doing in the moment. Yet, you will look back after a while a see progress.

Learning to let go of pathological relationship will help also.