My best is never good enough

I'm told if I get one more traffic ticket, I'll get my license taken away.

Of course, I'll do my best to try not to get a ticket, but, in reality, sooner or later I will get a ticket, because if tickets were that easy to avoid I wouldn't have gotten the other ones in the first place.

Just like I'll try to do my best not to get in trouble at work, or I'll do my best to turn in all of my schoolwork in on time and do it perfectly, or I'll do my best never to say or do anything stupid

Face it, my best isn't good enough. I screw up even the simplest tasks. My best is failing, and hearing over and over again how I'm a failure and why can't I be more like the people who do are good, productive adults?

Sometimes, Winterglen, it seems like the harder we try the worse things turn out for us. I know I've had that experience. I'm an older person now. And one of the benefits of being older, I find, is that I no longer have to worry about doing everything right. People expect less of older folks. And, since I perceive that people expect less of me as an older person, I find that I no longer worry about how well I do. However it turns out is just how it turns out. It takes away allot of the pressure.

Of course, when you're young, it's much more difficult to be nonchalant about your performance. And if what you're hearing from those around you is: why can't you be more like other people who are good, productive adults, this just reinforces what you already believe about yourself. No one's self-concept can withstand that kind of pressure.

I don't really have any great suggestions for you. All I can say is something I imagine you've heard before: you don't have to measure up to anyone else's standards. You're fine just as you are... well... maybe you could drive a little slower? (Just a gentle jest, there.) But truly, you are fine just as you are. You don't have to measure up to other peoples' standards. If you can, somehow, find a way to convince yourself of that, everything will seem to go much better for you I believe.

The other thought I will just offer here is: perhaps the things you're doing simply aren't things you really have much interest in. If so perhaps you're just going through the motions. And since you're just going through the motions, perhaps you're not really making as much of an effort as you could if you were really committed to what you're doing. Depression can also be a contributing factor here. It's difficult to make a solid effort when you're mired in the fog of depression.

Best wishes...

What you deem the "simplest" tasks aren't simple for you! Not everyone can/is able to drive well, it's a very complex task, not simple at all. Comparing yourself and what you are doing and how well, etc. to others can always wreck havoc with one's self esteem.

But you are a good trier! I don't have respect for those who fail because they don't try, those who drink and drive, for example. Some people fail at what you feel are simple tasks with no "excuse"/reason. You are doing the best you can, most people do not do that! It's nothing at all to brag about, doing things half-asped, whether it looks good on the outside or not; that is just sad, that people are satisfied being half-asped? Trying hard and failing is not "failure". You learn from your mistakes and figure out how to try again if it is something you even want to do (I took the bus to work or walked, driving was too nerve wracking and expensive).

We have difficulties with things that are difficult for us. I was laid off or fired from jobs, they weren't the right jobs for me at that time. I flunked s course in college, I should not have been taking that course. I'm not stupid, just because I got an "F" on someone else's scale, in a course "they" made for them!

It's true we all have strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes just being pushed too much can cause stress and make us preform less good. But sometimes we just suck at some stuff and excel at others. As as aspie/ADD-er I'm so so aware of this. I often fail at "simple" things. I mean I can't even drive and I'm middle aged. I just have a too slow reaction speed.

I was lucky when I was young I had teachers that actually saw my areas of talent. Or I might have thought I was a failure alltogether. If they never use or ask about your strengths, you might think they don't exist.....

Everyone doesn't have an even level of performance. Some are quite OK at "everything" and they set the norm for what people "should" be able to do (and therefore also what is extraordinary!) and some people are more uneven. If people only ask you to do what you are bad at, you will feel terrible....

I wish you were in an environment that allowed you to more focus on your strengths, maybe you have to try to create it for yourself.