[Elle473]

Hi, Everyone!
I've been struggling with my self-esteem for as long as I can remember. I thought the only fix was to totally revamp my exterior, since that's all people saw -- nobody ever really got to me for who I am, but for some reason treated me like I was some kind of pitiful monster (honestly, I'm afraid to open up to people because I don't want to be doubly rejected). That being said, I've never considered myself pretty -- I hate looking at my reflection.
I've been on a weight loss diet for years, but I haven't lost a thing (well, I have actually; but I would quickly gain everything back because when I diet I'm really just depriving myself). In addition to being slightly chubby, I also have stubborn acne on my cheeks. However, just the other day I realized that everything I was putting myself was meant to be a kind of punishment because I had it in my head that the smaller the number on the scale the happier I would be, but would I really? Wouldn't I be sacrificing myself for some narrow idea of beauty? I realized that I would be: I don't want to feel bad for a cookie, I don't want to count every calorie I ingest, I don't want to feel like a failure for skipping the gym one day -- excuse my being cheesy, but I want to live freely.
The problem is I don't exactly how to do this. I know what I want -- to be comfortable with myself -- but I don't how to do it. How do I undo years of self-hatred? How do I begin to feel comfortable with myself despite everything I've believed for years? How do I make this change?

Sorry for the long post! Anyways, thank you for your advice!
Elle473

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[Skeezyks]

Hello Elle473: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to gain support as well as to obtain mental health related information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll gain from the time you spend here.

I think that nearly every person would like to know how to change what they have come to believe about themselves. And there are almost as many techniques for achieving this, as there are people who would like to do it. I think the main thing is just to investigate ways of going about this until you find one that seems to fit you. Then stick with it. Too often, I think, people tend to try a little bit of this & a little bit of that. So they never really commit to a specific path. I think that, by signing in here on PC, you have taken a good first step toward finding your favored path. I wish you all the best!

[Fuzzybear]

In my opinion, low self esteem is rooted in not being able to accept yourself for who you really are. When I'm feeling self conscious or get rejected I often try to think "What would my best friend say about me? Or my husband?" And then I try to use that as a launch pad for why I should love and accept myself. You can start small say "I may not be perfect but I do know I really like _________ about myself" then slowly reaffirm this fact to yourself until you know in your heart it's true. Then find another thing you like or do well and slowly build from there. Believe me I know its hard, it took me six months just to accept the compliment that I have beautiful eyes. People would comment on it from time to time and I always thought they were just being nice. It wasn't until I took the time and did the hard work of starting to love myself that I started to gain confidence. It's baby steps though, but once you start, the momentum will build and before you know it you'll have a whole list of things you like about yourself. Good luck!

[PianogirlPlays]

I read a book once called Gentle Eating. It put forth the idea that trying to deny yourself made it worse and a more relaxed permissive approach might be more helpful. There are somethings I keep around the house all the time and because they are there and I have had them when I wanted I never crave them but bring something new into the picture and I want it too often.

[green0cake]

Those replies before me were really good. Change your negative thoughts about yourself and change it with your good assets. I assure you, you will find those (they are many). This world has a bad definition of pretty so don't believe it. They will judge you. But I tell you, you cannot control their judgments so better give yourself foundations to establish with your self-esteem. Don't let anyone shake you because of how they look at you or said at you.

Be yourself. Begin to accept who you are. No person is alike in this world. Look at your fingerprint. It's unique. None the same as you have. You are special. See yourself as special and wonderfully made.

With all that I said, having confidence starts with you. We are just here to give advises, how to's but it will be still your first move towards confidence. I believe you can because I've been there.