all i want is respect...

my low self esteem is mostly due to my relationship with my mother. i am the youngest of two. my sister is two years older than me. for as long as i can remember, i have always been compared to her especially by my mom. no matter what i do, i can not be good enough. after my sister graduated high school (1st in her class, of course) she went to school to become an x-ray tech. then she went on to med school and is now a doctor. after i graduated from high school (only 2nd in my class...which of course was my fault...) i got a degree in psychology (i thought it would help me!). after working in that field a few years i realized that it was not the career for me. so i went back to school to become an x-ray tech. this had nothing to do with my sister being a tech; i absolutely love what i do and know it was the right choice. however, now my family expects me to continue on to be just like my sister.
we graduated from college (her from med school and me from x-ray school) a week apart. of course, she got tons of attention from my mom and i got none. it gets so frustrating because i know that no matter what i do, i will never be good enough for her. all i've ever wanted is her respect. even at 28, i feel like i need to do everything i can to impress her hoping that i will get some respect for it. it's tearing me up because i feel like i can never be good enough at anything i do.
i'll continue to post more about this situation later...

Boopsie, find reasons to respect yourself and never mind what others think of you. Respect yourself and some others will follow... but not everybody. That's okay, too. Just don't allow yourself to be DISdispected.

It's really a tough job when your parents don't respect you. I know. Sixty three years later, I'm still finding reasons to respect myself. I've accomplished a great deal but the fact that I never met my mother's approval still weighs heavy. Don't let that crop your wings, though. Try your own wings and asses your flight for yourself.

Boopsie, I relate to your mother/daughter trials. I was raised being told I'd end up working in a supermarket and living on a council estate. While my brother would aspire to great things!

I did fulfil my "script" and ended up working in a supermarket and living on a council estate while my brother aspired to greater things..

BUT my stepmother missed out the final details. She missed out that I would have the courage to go within and find my self respect;.

My job? Well I enjoy the chance to talk to the "ole dears" that shop in my shop and my living conditions? I bought my council house and have something she never did. I own my own home.

My brother? Lives trapped in my step mothers mirror. Me? I'm happlily married wiht 3 great kids!!

She tried to put into me her shame! what she didn't know was I am more then that! I am a SURVIVOR!!

Good for you, Mouse!

But... umm... was is a council estate?

thank you all so much for your replies. it helps so much to have some place i can get all of this out and where people understand.

so here's a little more of my story...
no matter what i did as a child, i would always be associated with all of the embarrassing things. that may sound strange so i'll try to explain...like any mother, mine would always tell stories about her kids to others. if one of us did something really good, she would tell people it was my sister even if it was me. if one of us did something bad or embarrassing, she would tell people it was my fault. i never really felt good about anything i did even if it was good. i wasn't going to get the credit for it anyway.

when i was a junior in high school i had my first boyfriend. no guys had ever really paid attention to me before that so when this guy came along and was nice and attentive and 'respected' me, i got sucked in. my parents didn't like him and my mom even told me she would buy me a car (a black honda - my dream car at the time) if i ended the relationship. however, it had become an abusive relationship and wasn't easy to get out of. anyway, eventually the relationship ended and guess who got the black honda...yup, my sister. it made me feel even more worthless than i already did.
what little self-esteem i had going into this relationship was torn away by the end. this guy would tell me that i would always be alone. he was constantly comparing me to other girls and forcing me to compare myself to them. i felt so bad about myself that i started cutting. i would cut my wrists and my stomach. i just wanted the emotional pain to go away.

well this is jumping into topics of other boards now so maybe i'll continue my posts there.
thanks all for listening. it feels really good to get this all out.

to be continued....

(((((((((((((Boopsie)))))))))))))))))))

I can relate somewhat. I was the only child, but "good" stories were never told about me. My mom would tell my aunts all the stupid things I did. It might have been within earshot of my cousins because they all thought and to this day, some think I'm still stupid.

My mom would embarras and humiliate me in front of the extended family. She would openly compare my difficiencies (according to her) with the schooling, degrees and titles after my cousins' names.

After my mom passed on, I got in touch with several of my cousins whom I had lost contact with. It didn't last long, because each and every one of them tried to "teach" me, control me or find fault with almost anything I said or did. Shades of my mother. No thanks! For all I know, I'm the sole survivor of that clan. Haven't spoken to any of them in years and it's okay.

I have great parents who I always thought could do no wrong and were always supportive- until recently. I have heard that parents never really want their kids to grow up, but at the same time are constantly thinking "oh, just grow up!". It is a constant struggle- for me, and I think for most daughters (probably a lot of sons, too!)

I have my master's degree and work in a non-profit making mediocre salary. My parents are often times wishing I would do more with it- never mind that I love my job. "But where are you going to go from there?" "But when are you going to have kids" "Are you still going to work if you do?" So that is a lose-lose for me. My husband does not have a college degree- he is a passionate musician- if he could, he would love to make it a career, even if part-time. Or he is looking into parks and rec jobs, cable installation, airport jobs, etc- "where will he go from there?" "is that stable?"- again, nevermind that he (we) are happy- and that I would rather be the type of person who maybe isn't wealthy but does something that makes them happy.

Anyways, it really puts a distance in the last few years as I try to grow up and rely less on their approval- I know they just want the best for me, as most parents do, but I certainly have not mastered it and it makes me feel really bad about myself and what I otherwise would be proud of. But I constanly hear her voice in my head. It makes me question EVERYTHING.

I'm sorry you are going through this- please PM me anytime.

(((((((((((((((( boopsie ))))))))))))))))))