So I just started my doctorate, but for the life of me, I still can't understand why I was accepted in the first place. I guess I keep telling myself that it was because I went there for my Masters so they know me. But I don't feel qualified to be there.

I almost had some confidence in my abilities (at least within my career field), but upon returning, I feel extremely stupid and incompetent on an almost daily basis. I wonder how many people are seeing/thinking the same thing about me? I try really hard to hide it, but I have a feeling that at least one of the professors that have known me for years can see it.

I don't even know who to talk to about this either. I can't talk to this professor because I'm not sure if I can trust that he's telling me the complete truth and not just saying what I want to hear. I want to trust him, but I don't know.

And any other professors that I might talk to will likely be on my graduate committee and the last thing I want to do is give the people who allow me to graduate someday the opportunity to start doubting me. And again, I don't know if I can trust them to be completely honest.

I just wonder how many other people are getting a graduate degree right now who also don't feel like they're qualified to be there…and also feel like no amount of work on their part will ever make them qualified.

[Little Lulu]

I felt the same way in graduate school and so did a lot of my peers. At the time if felt like the professors thought it was their 'job' to demean us. Looking back, I see that it was their job to help us learn to think at a higher level but some of them were nicer and better than others than getting this task accomplished!

I don't think it would be fair or appropriate to ask your professors what they think of you or your performance - that will be reflected in your grades. Asking for their guidance with course work is appropriate and you can certainly do that without causing harm,

Anyway, as you said in your last sentence, 'no amount of work will ever make you qualified' is close to the truth ... it is the work you are currently doing that ultimately will make you qualified but you aren't there yet.

Get some support ... peers, friends, therapist ... grad school IS hard.

Fortunately, professors only tried to demean me in undergrad. At the university I'm going to for grad school, they really don't do that. However, I don't think the grades are necessarily true either; some of them seemed to be artificially inflated in the past.

And by 'no amount of work will ever make me qualified', I mean even the work I'm doing now. I'm not sure how I will ever get a job. Part of the reason I went back for a doctorate was because I couldn't get a job (outside of an unrelated minimum wage job) with just a Master's. Not to mention that all jobs require experience and you can't get experience without a job. Maybe being a graduate assistant would count, but I have yet to get a graduate assistantship. I'm sure that has to do with not having a lot of experience and also being honest about my abilities (or lack thereof, in some cases).

I'm afraid to go to my peers for support since I'm not sure it's a good idea for anyone to know my weaknesses. And I'm not sure if people on the outside would fully understand.

[Little Lulu]

Perhaps there are others here with post-graduate experience who might be helpful. I hope you will get more responses that might give you some sound and helpful input.

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

So I just started my doctorate, but for the life of me, I still can't understand why I was accepted in the first place. I guess I keep telling myself that it was because I went there for my Masters so they know me. But I don't feel qualified to be there.

I almost had some confidence in my abilities (at least within my career field), but upon returning, I feel extremely stupid and incompetent on an almost daily basis. I wonder how many people are seeing/thinking the same thing about me? I try really hard to hide it, but I have a feeling that at least one of the professors that have known me for years can see it.

I don't even know who to talk to about this either. I can't talk to this professor because I'm not sure if I can trust that he's telling me the complete truth and not just saying what I want to hear. I want to trust him, but I don't know.

And any other professors that I might talk to will likely be on my graduate committee and the last thing I want to do is give the people who allow me to graduate someday the opportunity to start doubting me. And again, I don't know if I can trust them to be completely honest.

I just wonder how many other people are getting a graduate degree right now who also don't feel like they're qualified to be there…and also feel like no amount of work on their part will ever make them qualified.

I was recently in a doctorate program at a top 5 university and I can tell you that what you're feeling is absolutely normal. It is known as "impostor syndrome."

I would advise you not to share your feelings with faculty members as they will not soon forget them and they will begin to doubt your ability. I was fully funded and getting straight A's and still chose not to share. I chose, instead, to avail myself of the counseling services on campus. You might do well to do that too.

I also recommend that you work on challenging thoughts that leave you doubting your ability. You made it into your program because you were/are qualified for it. Go at your own pace and know that there are others suffering in silence from impostor syndrome. Give yourself time to adjust. I did and grew close to three other students (one from my cohort) who later shared with me that they too doubted themselves at the start of the program.

I ultimately adjusted and passed my faculty review with flying colors.

Check out gradcafe.com for further support and feel free to pm me.

What if they something or it inevitably comes up? It's difficult to hide that you're struggling with some when you're usually one on one with professors. It's not like I haven't talked to them about this stuff in the past. Or at least similar things. I think breakdowns due to stress are pretty common in my field because they all acted like my freak out was completely normal.

Out of the counseling services on campus, one will only schedule me on a day that's already too busy and I've already seen several in the other group. Counseling just really doesn't do anything for me.

And what do I do when the doubt doesn't go away? I still don't think I deserved my bachelors. I don't think I even deserved to get into undergrad and it wasn't a difficult or competitive school to get into. I've just never thought I was good enough in my field and I've only stuck with it because it's what I want to do. I've always subscribed to "fake it until you make it", but that still implies that I make it someday. And I worry about not being able to get a job...that I won't have enough teaching experience or national exposure before I graduate. So far, I'm only set to go to one, maybe two national conferences. There'll be plenty of regional stuff, but would that ever impress anyone? And after this year, I'll only have two more years to get a teaching assistantship and I doubt I'll get any at this point, which will disqualify me for virtually any higher education job, where the only consistently paying jobs are. I guess I'll work at the local grocery store after all...at least it's a nice place.

How long does the impostor syndrome usually last? I mean, I still don't feel qualified and I debate dropping out all the time. My main issue is that I don't have the personality/people skills etc. to ever actually get a job so it doesn't matter how high my grades are or how many times off campus I'm recognized for my work. Even if I was at the very top of my field, I still wouldn't find work. So I guess I'm good enough to be getting the degree in and of itself, but if I'm fundamentally unable to get a job, then should I really be in school? I mean, based on my education, I'd be considered over-qualified for minimum wage jobs, but I'm not qualified for anything else. So what do I do? Drop out, lie about my education, and get a minimum wage job?