[lexxinski]

Ive been seeing a psychotherapist for depression and we also talk about my self esteem but I didnt find that helpful. I took some online self esteem tests and realized some of them have statements that are true when someone has a healthy self esteem e.g "I can accept criticism without feeling put down" and you need to answer yes or no. So I have this idea of compiling a list of qualities, traits that a person with a good self esteem would have and then just fake it till I make it. At least I have to try.

So I would appreciate if you could add your own statements to this list:

1. Other people are not better off or more
fortunate than me

2. I accept myself as I am and am happy with myself

3. I deserve love and respect

4. I feel valued and needed

5. I don’t need others to tell me I have done a good job

6. Being myself is important

7. I can accept criticism without feeling put down

8. I admit my mistakes openly

9. I never hide my true feelings

10. I always speak up for myself and put my views across

11. I am a happy, carefree person

12. I don’t worry what others think of my views

13. I don’t need others’ approval to feel good

14. I don’t feel guilty about doing or saying what I want

[CANDC]

lexi, if you can believe all those I would say you are well on your way to high self esteem.

To me self esteem is not worrying about self esteem. I think we experience self esteem by experiencing our self as we are and accepting it. I find it hard to describe, but wonderful to practice.

[lexxinski]

These are statements I found on online self esteem tests. I wish I could 100% believe in them, but I will try. Im asking for more statements like this.

The problem is that everyone knows the state in which one needs to be and very few know HOW to get to that state - not even my psychotherapist, and neither do you [there I said it, Im already practicing it, I would have never said such a thing before], although I appreciate your response.

Im trying this approach where I just imagine Im already there. But I need more statements. Its like a poor man trying to copy a rich man's qualities and traits.

[lexxinski]

One needs to worry about self esteem while they are trying to increase it. Once they have a healthy self esteem they will not worry about it automatically.

[lexxinski]

Im practicing ## 10, 12, 14

[fns90]

I think these are amazing statements that we all need to remember! I love #3 and #7 and #14 are the hardest for me.

Some I thought of:
I am worth it
It is enough to have done my best
I believe in myself
I am strong and I can do this

[Fuzzybear]

[lexxinski]

Some more that I found online:

15. I am happy with who I’ve turned into as a person.

16. I enjoy being in new social situations.

17. I am comfortable speaking on the phone with people I don’t know.

18. I enjoy leading projects, other people, and speaking in a group or in front of others.

19. I am respected by others.

20. I often think positively about myself.

21. I view problems as challenges, not irritations

22. I am able to ask for help without feeling guilty or embarrassed

23. I enjoy looking other people in the eyes when I talk with them.

24. I treat myself with respect and I don't criticize myself.
=========
fns90: Those are good ones! Thanks for posting them.

We also need to practise them otherwise they are just nice statements.

I suggest we also post our experiences.

I was in a store in a line today and I noticed a lady in front of me had candles just like the ones I bought and liked before. First I wanted to say that, but then held myself back since I get nervous when talking to strangers. Then I remembered the statements (12 and 14) and said that those are nice candles. And she turned out to be real nice and we had a little chat. I also said - When you lit them up instead of When you light them up and immediately started criticizing myself for this mistake in my head [English is not my first language]. But I said to myself that it was perfectly ok and we as humans supposed to make mistakes. Overall, I left the store feeling a little happier than when I entered it.

[-jimi-]

I can mess up and feel I didn't cause WWIII. No one is perfect.

There are no rules really, and normal isn't the goal. It's more important to be true to oneself than please strangers.

If someone bullies me, it makes them a mean person. It doesn't reflect on my own worth, it does not make me bad.

If someone treats me bad, and I do a random kind of kindness to someone else, I feel I created some balance in the universe.

Do not compare your worst traits with someone else's best traits.

[fns90]

Originally Posted by lexxinski

Some more that I found online:

15. I am happy with who I’ve turned into as a person.

16. I enjoy being in new social situations.

17. I am comfortable speaking on the phone with people I don’t know.

18. I enjoy leading projects, other people, and speaking in a group or in front of others.

19. I am respected by others.

20. I often think positively about myself.

21. I view problems as challenges, not irritations

22. I am able to ask for help without feeling guilty or embarrassed

23. I enjoy looking other people in the eyes when I talk with them.

24. I treat myself with respect and I don't criticize myself.
=========
fns90: Those are good ones! Thanks for posting them.

We also need to practise them otherwise they are just nice statements.

I suggest we also post our experiences.

I was in a store in a line today and I noticed a lady in front of me had candles just like the ones I bought and liked before. First I wanted to say that, but then held myself back since I get nervous when talking to strangers. Then I remembered the statements (12 and 14) and said that those are nice candles. And she turned out to be real nice and we had a little chat. I also said - When you lit them up instead of When you light them up and immediately started criticizing myself for this mistake in my head [English is not my first language]. But I said to myself that it was perfectly ok and we as humans supposed to make mistakes. Overall, I left the store feeling a little happier than when I entered it.

I've had so many experiences like this.... but I tend to not say anything. I'm always worried about sounding stupid.

[lexxinski]

>>I've had so many experiences like this.... but I tend to not say anything. I'm always >>worried about sounding stupid.

How about... going to a place where nobody knows you and start talking to strangers there at a store etc. Nobody will ever remember you the following day if you think you said something stupid. But it's a practice, the more you practice the less worried you become and if you worry less, you will be more confident which means you will not sound stupid.

[lexxinski]

25. I feel comfortable and in control when I walk into a room full of people I don't know.
26. I present my thoughts clearly and confidently even when I fear the person may disagree with me.

[Little Lulu]

One thing that helps me when using statements (or affirmations) is to find actual examples in my life that make the statement feel true. Take statement number one - other people are not more fortunate or better off than me - and list some ways that you are well-off ... maybe good health, job, loving family ... whatever. Writing them down helps to solidify them in my mind.

Just 'saying' a statement doesn't bring it into reality for me - I have to see and know the actual ways in my life that the statement is true. And when a trigger comes up that is counter to the statement, I already have examples to disprove the mistaken idea in my head!

[introspectiveme]

Realizing that I'm my own worst critic. The other person across the hall probably isn't judging me as much as I am judging my own self. He/She probably only glanced at me before moving on to his or her own thoughts.