I'm so pleased! I was just thinking about how I'll survive when I need to go back to work after my sick leave is over - I've been on sick leave for a couple of months due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome and social phobia, and going to try to get an extension next week when I see a doc..

Just now, I felt so anxious and tired I leaned back in my armchair to rest my eyes for a bit. I saw a lightning flash outside, heard the rumble of thunder, and just kept watching the rain pour down.. I wanted to feel calm and serene. I thought I'd try to feel what I genuinely felt underneath the anxiety.

I felt content and happy for what I have now, and for what I can get in future. I also felt this yearning inside me, this empty space that just wants so much to be filled.. I know it's me, my true self just wanting to be seen and to become who she was meant to be.. And I felt happy that I'm going to get to do just that! Then, I found myself thinking, 'For the rest of my life, I'll get to do that. Through living, whatever that means at any given time..'

Now I just feel so grateful I'll get to be me, and that I don't have to rush it, what I have now is enough, I'm enough.. I'm actually in tears now because most of the time, I'm just focused on what I didn't get before and how I didn't get to be myself then and how it all messed me up.. But I'm not messed up (well, I am a little ), I'm not broken.. I can still become me!

Love to us all

[freaka]

lovely! you were my inspiration today with your post, d.o.a.

all the best to you.

So happy to hear you were inspired, freaka!

I think 'getting to become who you were meant to be' is a good description for so many of us. Sometimes it's a struggle but the end goal is there, staying positively focussed is the important thing.

Thanks.

[byobb]

Thanks D.o.a., today is my first day back as well. It's been almost a month and my anxiety is at an all time high. I am afraid of the stares and whispers when I go back. My stomach is in knots and I am breaking out around my neck and face... Hives I pray. No encouraging words, not one friend. I'm afraid and scared. Sorta like my first day at school..

[byobb]

I feel you on this.... I'm having a panic attack. It's been a month since I went out of work for emotional distress, mental anguish, and depression. I am 40, and have a work place bully. No one to have my back, or to believe me. Alienated from everyone now thanks to that narcissist.. I just don't want the stares and whispers. Alone and afraid with no one to assure me.. I have to face it sooner or later.

[SCP-122]

Originally Posted by d.o.a.

I'm so pleased! I was just thinking about how I'll survive when I need to go back to work after my sick leave is over - I've been on sick leave for a couple of months due to Irritable Bowel Syndrome and social phobia, and going to try to get an extension next week when I see a doc..

Just now, I felt so anxious and tired I leaned back in my armchair to rest my eyes for a bit. I saw a lightning flash outside, heard the rumble of thunder, and just kept watching the rain pour down.. I wanted to feel calm and serene. I thought I'd try to feel what I genuinely felt underneath the anxiety.

I felt content and happy for what I have now, and for what I can get in future. I also felt this yearning inside me, this empty space that just wants so much to be filled.. I know it's me, my true self just wanting to be seen and to become who she was meant to be.. And I felt happy that I'm going to get to do just that! Then, I found myself thinking, 'For the rest of my life, I'll get to do that. Through living, whatever that means at any given time..'

Now I just feel so grateful I'll get to be me, and that I don't have to rush it, what I have now is enough, I'm enough.. I'm actually in tears now because most of the time, I'm just focused on what I didn't get before and how I didn't get to be myself then and how it all messed me up.. But I'm not messed up (well, I am a little ), I'm not broken.. I can still become me!

Love to us all

I love this! It can be so hard to be one's real self, but when you actually go through with it it feels great.

[Cat_Lover_58]

Thanks for sharing your inspiration! I feel the same way, but you verbalized it perfectly!

Originally Posted by byobb

I feel you on this.... I'm having a panic attack. It's been a month since I went out of work for emotional distress, mental anguish, and depression. I am 40, and have a work place bully. No one to have my back, or to believe me. Alienated from everyone now thanks to that narcissist.. I just don't want the stares and whispers. Alone and afraid with no one to assure me.. I have to face it sooner or later.

I am so sorry you're going through such turmoil, byobb How did your first day back go in the end? How have you been feeling since?

It's so hard when other people are the trigger.. Maybe it'd help you to think that the people who don't believe you and whisper behind your back are like a broken mirror - whatever they're saying about you is not the truth! You know what's true and what's not.

I'm sending you hugs and lots of encouragement