[Fuzzybear]

Do you think it is ever helpful to compare people's pain?

fyi several doctors have done that to me. I did not appreciate it and other behaviours on their part pointed to the fact that they were trying to fob me off, not to help, for example one doctor saying "my three children have severe eczema!"... that was confirmed by several sources over several years that was a lie. Easy to confirm IRL. I do not think doctors should lie to fob people off. It stinks of unprofessionalism. It was a serious issue to me as I was deeply concerned about passing on severe chronic eczema having experienced that myself for several years (all over my face and body. YUCK) Amazingly enough I had some good relationships with people including men during that time, perhaps they could see some inner beauty or some attractiveness beneath my injured skin......although I also had my share of disgusted looks at times from strangers and even so called friends. Who did not last long.

It had a huge negative impact on my life. I did not want any child of mine to suffer that when it could be PREVENTED by proper care. All the doctor said to that is "you are the worried well"....."you are well informed"...."there is no proof"

stuff the bullcrap doctors in this world

[Wants2Fly]

Hi Fuzzybear -- I had severe eczema as a child, but once I got away from my mother in my late teens, it went away. I am occasionally bothered by small patches.

My poor mother, whom I fear has gone through life very lonely, probably with depression she will not admit to, continues to have severe skin problems in her 80s.

I had no idea that eczema could be passed down. No one else in my family has had it, and I do not and never will have children.

Doctors can be awful dolts, and I'm sorry you ran into a particularly doltish one.

[Perna]

Adult seborrhoeic eczema

Characteristically affects adults between the ages of 20 and 40. It is usually seen on the scalp as mild dandruff, but can spread to the face, ears and chest. The skin becomes red, inflamed and starts to flake. The condition is believed to be caused by a yeast growth. If the condition becomes infected, treatment with an anti-fungal cream may be necessary.

http://www.eczema.org/

I just have atopic. Interesting, says eczema is not contagious but is hereditary and the atopic is related to asthma and hay fever! I have the asthma (only one in the family) but my father had the allergic rhinitis (hay fever)! Come to think of it, he did have skin problems (got shingles in his 70s, I hope THAT's not in store for me!). But I have the contact dermatitis too which I don't think he had. That can be no fun either.

Yes, Fuzzybear, I'm with you on stuffing the bullcrap doctors of the world! For starters, they should know infant/children's eczema isn't the same as adults anyway!

[Rapunzel]

Comparing people's pain seems very invalidating to me. How can you even compare people's pain? Nobody can really know what it feels like to another person. I've just been reading "Listening to Prozac" where it talks about "rejection sensitivity." Oh boy do I relate to that. It was found that antidepressants reduce sensitivity to rejection. But is do they decrease perception of cues of being rejected, or do they decrease the painfulness of being rejected? I think it's the second. People can experience the same thing, but one is hurt by it more than another is. Even the same person is hurt by the same thing more when not medicated than when he or she is medicated.

I think that we have different tolerances for different kinds of pain, Physical pain, for instance, has to be pretty severe before I notice it or care about it. I broke an ankle a couple of years ago, and didn't get it treated, and I fell on it again a couple of months ago. If I pay attention to it, I can still feel something. But it doesn't actually bother me. I can have a headache all day long and not realize it until I notice that I'm acting irritable at everybody, and then it comes to me that I have had this headache all day. Some people are not as sensitive to emotional pain, but I have very little tolerance for that kind of pain. Maybe that's why I prefer to exchange emotional pain for physical pain.

Nobody can say how much you hurt, because you are the only one who can tell. And since you can't really tell how much someone else hurts, even if they have a similar source of pain, there is nol way to compare in any kind of meaningful way.

I had excema too, and it was significant to me. It went away by the time I was 30. I think that it bothered my mother more than it bothered me, although the itch was pretty bad, and I would scratch it and then it hurt, and people were afraid to get near me because they wouldn't believe that it wasn't contagious and it did look pretty bad. That hurt sometimes. My brother had pretty bad excema too at times, and he scratched, and his whole legs would stay bloody for extended periods of time. So two out of six of us had it. As far as we know, neither parent had excema, but there does seem to be a connection with other allergies. My mother is fairly severely allergic to cats, one sister is severely allergic to antibiotics, and my other brother was so allergic to mosquito bites that once he had one leg swell up to three times the size of the other. I'll take excema over allergies like that. As for my children, one out of three has something on his legs that I saw yesterday that reminded me of my brother's excema. I don't know if it is, but he's been scratching something.

The decision whether or not to have children is yours. If you have suffered with something so much that you don't feel right about passing it along to children, then doctors should respect that. It would be appropriate to explore your feelings with you, and maybe see if you would be interested in adoption, or if you just don't want to have children. If you don't, then they should respect your choice.

I had children when I did mostly because I didn't question that having children is expected. I didn't see that I had options at the time. I delayed for a little while, wanting to finish school first, and felt guilty and decided not to wait. I wish that I could go back and do that differently. Excema is not the issue for me, but I needed time to mature, and it was important to me to finish my education and start a career. It isn't fair to them. I am also more concerned about the heritability of mental illness than about excema. I have struggled too much with depression, anxiety, and personality disorders, and I do not want my children to go through what I have. We also have a family history of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, ADHD, etc. I didn't think back then to consider that (or know about the family history then).

But, Fuzzy, if you did or still do want to have children, that is okay too. Whether or not your choice includes bearing children yourself. And it isn't too late. If it is something you want, you can adopt or take foster children or be a mentor to a child who needs support. You would be wonderful, if that is something you want to do, that is.

Back to your question, though, I don't think that doctors should compare pain, or lie, or disregard your concerns. If you feel something, or you are concerned about something, then it is important to you and should be taken seriously.

[Wants2Fly]

, Rapunzel