A cry for help when the tears have just dried up.. (Long rant/question)

My husband has a lot of issues and insists that there is nothing wrong with him except maybe some anger management problems. For years he drank like a fish, did a few drugs, but never pills. He is scared to death of pills, has a lot of problems with pain and still refuses to take any pills for it, even a Tylenol or Motrin. He refuses to talk about anything, doesn't want to face any problems, instead chooses to walk away, leave for a while or go to sleep to avoid talking about any issue. When asked about why he does certain things, he gets defensive, accuses me of not loving him, of being in love with an ex or tries to turn everything around on me, as if he wants to point the finger in any other direction other than toward him. Recently, he got angry enough in us talking that he slammed his head into a wall and picked up various things and hit himself over the head until it was cracked open and bleeding. He does this in front of our children and even refused to come out of the bedroom to help me calm down our crying infant. He is not affected by our 3 year old crying and asking him not to leave or asking me why Daddy is making me cry. He is not at all a romantic person and to me, never has been. He doesn't express any emotion at all. He does laugh though he never cries. Anger and laughter are the only things you see from him. He was once ordered to get help and lied to the therapist to make himself seem worse than he was, he made a big joke of the entire thing and refused to go back after that. I have talked him into going to a therapist again though he says that a stranger can't tell him if there is something wrong with him because they group people in with other people without knowing their real situations, insists all he will do is go in and be mean to whoever is trying to "help him" and does not want to take it seriously at all. I've tried to explain to him that our marriage is on the line and all he does is get defensive and tell him that I do not care and to just leave him if I want to. It's like he's just used to being abandoned and expects me to do the same thing. On more than one occasion he's told me to just go find someone else to make me happy, he will not divorce me but I should just go find someone else and he will stay home with the kids while I'm gone. Of course, I will ask him the next day and he says he didn't really mean it but still refuses to talk about the events from the previous day. I believe he needs to be on medication but he will refuse to take medication, out of what he says is fear, thinking that medicine is man made and kills people or forms addictions. His sister died from an overdose though he was afraid of pills long before that. His mother and other sister have also had problems with pill addiction and other addictions. He had a broken home and his problems had to start way back at youth, knowing his family and how they are and what they must have said to him. But, he refuses to talk about his past. I know very little about it. He doesn't want to hear about my past and gets angry if I even come close to mentioning a previous relationship, he would rather know nothing about them. When I ask about anything from his past, he insists he doesn't remember, that he's blocked most of it out or forgotten.

I'm not treated terribly. Let me say that first. It's not like every day he is mean to me. He's not terrible all the time. He tells me he loves me, he hugs me, he kisses me just not nearly as often as I am used to. He plays with the kids, though he never gets up with the baby in the middle of the night and all parenting is left up to me, I wonder if he wants someone to mother him because he never really had a mother to do anything for him growing up. It's just that when I try any form of communication, he gets angry and when he gets angry, it's usually for things no one should get mad about and he refuses to deal with anything at all, dealing with things makes him defensive and angry. I don't know how to make this all make sense....

I'm terrified it will end my marriage or affect my kids in ways that can not be undone. I'm also terrified that he has Paranoid Personality Disorder because I know that people who have it rarely get real help out of refusal and paranoia of treatment. Is he BiPolar? Is it Anxiety issues? Is it a combination of many things? More than anything, my question is... Is there help for someone like him? And is there a way I should go about getting help for him? Hellllllllllllllllppppp. Where do I start????????

(I should add his previous relationship lasted for 13 years, on and off and he did the same things with her and she finally gave up when she couldn't make him get help......)

Wow Vacantheart! Good question what do you do about a man like that. Issues, yeah he has a subscription doesnt he! Until I read the last couple lines my suggestion would have been to call his bluff and leave but obviously that did not do any good for the previous Mrs.
But as the saying goes you can not help those who will not help themself and it does not seem he want that! Maybe if you saw a marriage counselor or a therapist it would help you learn to deal with him. Good Luck