[black-roses]

Hello guys it has been a while since I have posted and a lot of things have happened and I have changed in ways beyond my wildish dreams. I have never before had this backbone before I was a submissive person that let guys do whatever they wanted to me but I started standing up and defending myself against them when I feel the need too. I had so much rage and anger inside me and I wanted to rip this guy apart before realizing that I had redirected my anger on him because I felt he was doing to me what the other guy was doing. So, I was projecting on him that he was using me and playing me for my body without thinking, hey do I have actual prove or am I just overthinking and placing my insecurities of past friendships on him. That was when the anger finally disappated though I am still unhappy because I don't want him to think he can get anyway with being arrogant and rude to me. However, I have no control over others actions I can only account for my own actions and my actions are simple lay low and continue focusing on school because I am already close to a breakthrough. In friendship front still isolated but at least I have made some pretty close friendships through school. I just have to continue with this new found backbone I have found stand up when I need to and sit down and shut up when I need to listen to a new perspective, take in people's advice and not be so on the defense all the time. Everything in life is slow progress and this is just a start on a new way of seeing life and living life

[Skeezyks]

Hello black-roses: Thank you for sharing your progress!

[black-roses]

No worries, I have been really anxious and on edge today no matter how much I drink I am always thirsty I have come to think about more things and can now understand a bit better why i do the things I do. I grew up having my body critized so I felt like I had to ask others what they thought and when he told others in my brain it was just like my sister taunting me that I had saggy boobs and how degraded I felt. Expect this time this person was saying hey this girl is not to bad. stupid thing to get upset over but when some tells you for so long that your body is so bad for so long when someone else finally compliments you it is like they are triggering the same shame and nakeness you felt and you really hate them. If this was really about how my family made me feel about my body why do I still feel like my privacy was invaded well yes when your sister and mother are having discussions about your body saying all this negative things you feel ashamed and automatically anything others say about your body is like filling you up with that shame. It is honestly a strange issue to think about but I have felt depressed and shamed enough about my body to rub that in really made me want to hurt myself but I don't deserve to hurt myself over inconsiderate others because the beauty is my body is different from others it cannot be defined! I won't let them shame me and degrade me because I own my own emotions and not them. Here is taking my self respect back. wish me luck

[Out There]

Good Luck !

[Fuzzybear]