[ladyrevan21]

So basically, it took a meeting to get myself a job set up (and writing about it) that made me realize that I monitor my words way too much, whether I'm typing or talking, like I'm afraid that both (a) the person I'm talking to will get offended, and (b) someone will pretty much come out of nowhere and hurt me (I know that sounds irrational, but that's how I can describe it). I...know that isn't healthy to think, but it does occasionally feel like there's some invisible presence judging me even while I'm just talking with somebody offline. And then there's the whole fear of being a bad person, which is kind of a recurring theme in a lot of my worries.

Possible trigger:

And just to sort of explain a part of why it sometimes feels, for lack of a better word, like someone watching me -- well, I kind of was an insensitive person as a teenager. And I kind of had a bad fallout with people I used to be friends with, including one argument where I...basically, I felt guilty about losing my temper, and I felt like the person I argued with could actually come to my house and hurt me. And I actually kind of feel like she's kind of looking over my shoulder waiting to judge me if I say the wrong thing. Like a sort of internalized self-punishment thing.

And then there are just times when I kind of worry about my problems being insignificant compared to others', things like that. It actually kept me from talking about something with my therapist for at least three years because I thought the whole thing was insignificant and it was my fault. So I guess that's an additional factor to monitoring my words -- I feel like I don't really have much significant to say. Or I don't know what I'm talking about.

I think there's a whole load of contributing factors -- my mom kind of monitoring me to make sure I don't make a mistake, old teachers, former friends -- but I guess the key issue is: how do I make my paranoia go away? And how do I deal with...everything else I mentioned here?

[Skeezyks]

Hello ladyrevan21: The Skeezyks is also pretty careful... mostly about what he writes. He doesn't actually say much, in real life.

Growing up my mother, in particular, was very etiquette conscious. She wanted everything to be done... "just so..." I presume this is the reason I grew up feeling like I was always walking on eggshells, as the saying goes. Once I got into my teenage years, I pretty-much abandoned it all. But, as a child, I was always conscious of the need to "conduct myself properly."

Nowadays, the main reasons I'm cautious are because, for one thing, I'm very easily hurt. I have few, if any, defenses. And I am also pretty-much completely useless in a fight... verbal... or otherwise. I get tongue-tied & my anxiety goes through the roof with almost no provocation. This is part of the reason that, at this stage in my life, I am almost completely solitary. So solitude is my answer to all of this. But, then, I'm old... & I think that makes being mostly alone easier. I know it's not an attractive option for younger people. I wish I had some useful suggestions for you, but I don't. I wish you well though...

[ladyrevan21]

Oh, that really sucks. Sorry you had to experience that.

And well, thank you, honestly, for your support. I'm definitely hoping things in general work out well.

[placebo effect]

Thank you for posting. I realize I'm not the only one with similar issues. You're very brave. I tend to keep a lot of things to myself out of fear. You really helped me out today, reaffirming me to help me to work harder to let go of this habit.

[Chyialee]

Hi Lady revan -- And Skeezyks, & placebo effect:

I muchly relate to what you're all saying. LR, I have always been very aware of my words (well, since adulthood set in in a majot way, amyway!) simply because:
- So Many People Are NOT careful of their words, tones of voice, body language, and other actions. All of these have real effects on the hearers/readers !!
- The Mother who raised me was very much the way you, Skeezyks, describe yours. A bit old-world-ish about it tbh, but it truly has served me well over the years. Wish I could thank her now. Cause, as an Aspie-lite(ish), it's helped me w/interpretation of others' interpersonal intent.
I'm still not all that great at the interpretation, mind -- but I am WAY aware that what I say & do can have a thunderous impact on other folk, all unawares tho I may be at that moment , aw crap...!

Hence a lil caution, and I don't think that's a bad thing, not at all, at all. It just signifies that we realize that complete comprehension/communicatuion is not something one can take for granted; in fact it's far more normal fo folk to get things at least a bit tilted. But I reckon that's all right if one extends a lil bit of generousity towards one's conversational partner(s).

Very few people acctually set out to be offensive, punitive, antagonistice, or unsympathtic jerks. lol

Those that do ..... Well....

On their own pointy lil heads be it bc eventually folk will get sick of their act. heh

Stiking a balance between and all the time is the goal, yeah?

JMO, guys.
xo
Chyia, ~le sigh~

[ladyrevan21]

Very well-put. I think having some empathy for the other person is pretty important, and something else that I've been trying to work on. I guess it doesn't help that in the past...well, I got involved with a group of people who thought that lashing out at the other person was the best way to do things (sometimes to really extreme levels). So I think having some compassion towards the other person is a useful tool to have.