[Tigerlilly]

I don't know where to begin, and I don't want to seem like I'm whining, but maybe I am. My family treats me like I don't exist. They will come into town, stay with my mohter who lives in the same town as I do, and do social things that I'm not invited to. I won't even be informed that they are in town. In fact, my brother and sister-in-law do not speak to me at all, but if they are in town and need a babysitter, then I'm good enough for that job. Plus, they send my sister b'day and xmas presents, but I don't even get so much as an acknowledgement that I exist. They haven't called, emailed me in years, yet alone sent me so much as a card for my b'day. This really does make me feel like %#@&#! and they are in town right now, pulling their usual %#@&#!. I'm Ok for a babysitter, but when it comes to actually including me in plans, well then, things become "cloudy". it really hurts me., and I've tried to tell them that. I've tried to be fun and funny with them, I've tried EVERYTHING!

[DePressMe]

I hope this comes across the right way…but, it sounds like you have it turned around…they are not good enough for YOU.

[mindseek]

First of all, you need to stop saying that phrase. You are assuming that when it seems that actually your family has some issue that you need to bluntly discuss with them. I do not think that you should be around people (even family) if they are a negative force in your life. I think you should let them know that you feel left out etc., and then if it continues you need to tell them that you think it is best for you to have some space for a while from them because when people stay in situations that make them feel "unworthy" they begin to believe this. Also, you are wasting your own time trying to please others and you should always put yourself first. Try not to say negative things about yourself because you need to be happy with yourself and staying out of negative situations is the first step!

[Wants2Fly]

Hi TigerLily -- It sounds like a hurtful situation. Even when we detach from family, there often seems to be an emotional residue; we carry the memories around with us.

I like MindSeek's ideas.

Best wishes finding your way.

[MHC1]

A couple of thoughts off the top of my head:
1) When you feel strong enough, I would tell them with as little emotion as possible that you don't like it when they use your babysitting services, yet don't treat you as lovingly as other family members...for example not sending you a birthday card.
2) If there is a relative that you TRUST, I would ask them quietly and calmly if there is something that you might do that would improve upon the situation. I would keep it short and brief. Then I would consider what was said. Do not take anything emotionally. Just consider it. Make changes if they are not offensive to you.
3) I would make sure to develop my own interests, if you are not currently doing this. Explore hobbies and interests. Make sure you are happy and satisfied in all areas of your life. At some point your family should become aware of this. If they don't become aware, I would subtly make sure they do figure it out.
4) If the situation does not improve, even after you have calmly made sincere efforts, I would stop babysitting.
5) Ditto to what Mindseek has said regarding about what we think and say about ourselves.
Wishing you well.

[nothemama8]

Yep their not good enough for you, start saying NO to the babysitting and tell them the next time they "forget you " you expect an invite