This post is about a conversation I had with a friend this afternoon.

We were talking about workplaces and I said I was happy at the level I was working at (min wage basic job) and he said that was okay but that if I wanted to I was capable of much more and that I'm intelligent.

This friend has said before he thinks I'm intelligent, I used to volunteer for him (in social care sector) and he says he learned a lot (people skills) from me.

I am not particularly intelligent/bright. I get by. I scraped through school exams, did not go to uni, and haven't made a career. I work hard at what I do but my job is basic and does not require intelligence.

So I replied that I wasn't really intelligent. He disagreed. Then he asked if I was fishing for compliments which really threw me. I wasn't, I was just being honest.

I have many intelligent friends (including said friend), an intelligent husband, a bright son, they are quick thinkers and achievers - but I'm not. I'm okay with that, it doesn't mean I'm not worthy - I know I deserve self-compassion, and I am capable of many useful things, I'm just not the brightest.

I'm not sure why it matters so much to me that he thinks I'm denying my intelligence, maybe it's my sense of self (or possibly I'm an argumentative so and so), but surely having a realistic awareness of my own intelligence levels is compatible with having healthy self esteem? I accept myself as I am.

I think it's okay to be aware I'm not be the brightest, to be a slow learner (as I can be), as long as I accept myself with kindness and try to be the best person I can be in the ways I can.

[unaluna]

I agree with your friend, i would put you higher on the intelligence scale. After a while, it just comes across in peoples posts! Maybe you had an undiagnosed learning disability in school? I think many people are underemployed. That is truly the american way, imo. There is NOTHING in place to raise persons to even near their potential.

Thanks unaluna, I guess we never know how others see us.

I'm not sure is I don't have some undiagnosed learning issue, my husband has (very kindly) observed it does seem to take longer for me to take things on board and learn them. In some ways online is easier for me because I have that time to compose my thoughts. I have no idea what that would indicate.

I think my friend was trying to tell me he thinks I could aim higher than the level I work at, but I'm not so sure.

[TishaBuv]

What each of us think is our intelligence level may not really be our true level at all.

I was given an IQ test in third grade to place for Gifted program. My mother won't tell me the exact number, but says it was higher than anyone else in the family, who all had high numbers.

I find that very hard to believe. Maybe I just had a good day and did well in third grade. Now, I'd be afraid to take an IQ test.

But thinking I am intelligent because of that has made me feel good. Then I know people who are very average in intelligence or talent and they are most successful because they try so hard.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

What each of us think is our intelligence level may not really be our true level at all.

I was given an IQ test in third grade to place for Gifted program. My mother won't tell me the exact number, but says it was higher than anyone else in the family, who all had high numbers.

I find that very hard to believe. Maybe I just had a good day and did well in third grade. Now, I'd be afraid to take an IQ test.

But thinking I am intelligent because of that has made me feel good. Then I know people who are very average in intelligence or talent and they are most successful because they try so hard.

That's interesting. I did an IQ test at school many years ago, the teacher was trying to illustrate that they were only testing a type of intelligence. I got the lowest score in the class and I was so embarrassed, the teacher said if it were a true measure I should not have been in mainstream education. The class was social science (easy!) and I later passed the course with an A, so I suppose his point was proven.

I never forgot how embarrassing it was to flunk the IQ though.

I could prepare and revise for the social science certificate so that worked out okay for me, but when testing the innate ability to solve puzzles and logic in the IQ test I was utterly clueless.

[divine1966]

Not going to university or never building a career doesn't mean one isn't intelligent. I think you are confusing intelligence with education. You might have no education beyond certain level but it doesn't make you not intelligent.

Also IQ is not a valid measure of ones intelligence, I mean it's useful but it's not the only measure plus your score could be effected by many factors. Are you anxious? Tired that day? Etc

You might have slower processing speed but again it doesn't make you unintelligent. Heck having learning disability doesn't make one unintelligent either.

Judging by your post here you are certainly intelligent

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

That's interesting. I did an IQ test at school many years ago, the teacher was trying to illustrate that they were only testing a type of intelligence. I got the lowest score in the class and I was so embarrassed, the teacher said if it were a true measure I should not have been in mainstream education. The class was social science (easy!) and I later passed the course with an A, so I suppose his point was proven.

I never forgot how embarrassing it was to flunk the IQ though.

I could prepare and revise for the social science certificate so that worked out okay for me, but when testing the innate ability to solve puzzles and logic in the IQ test I was utterly clueless.

That incident is probably where your feelings about this stem from. Anyone would feel bad about that. That was a bad thing for the teacher to do and say. How ridiculous, it's obvious you are very intelligent.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

That incident is probably where your feelings about this stem from. Anyone would feel bad about that. That was a bad thing for the teacher to do and say. How ridiculous, it's obvious you are very intelligent.

The embarrassment stuck with me, not sure if it started then or before - I struggled with maths at school too.

It's horrible feeling judged negatively I know that much.

I think what some people view as my intelligence is actually my empathy, in therapy I was told I had high empathic ability. It might be a sort of intelligence just not the traditionally tested type (maths, problem solving etc).