Accepting my physicality

I went to therapy for a number of years, working on healing from.. I'm not even sure what to call it. I'd just always felt like I was 'outside' of my body..

I once came across an article that described my experience perfectly - it explained that when kids are faced with overwhelming situations at a young age that they can't understand or handle, a split personality can develop.. And they can identify with one 'part' of themselves more than the others. For instance, they can identify with their emotional side while showing shocking disregard for their physical body.

This has been me, completely. I think it's because my emotional side was under threat as my parents totally didn't want to know 'her', so I had to put all of my focus on this part and try to keep it safe.. While they did look after me physically.

I also think that I felt the pain from their abandonment physically as well, in my body, and it was just completely too much.. I remember feeling like my whole body was on fire

So, anyway, I feel the time has come for me to accept my body, completely. I have to own it.. It's as much a part of me as anything else!

And I need to accept it despite all the damage I've inflicted on it all these years.. Or precisely because of that. My body needs me. Even though it won't be attractive to many others anymore, I need to take care of it till the day I die! This is what I'm going to do

Sorry for the messy post, just needed to get this out to make sense of it.. Thanks for reading

I grew up with a stepfather who hated women with big butts, and I'm built like a pear. Long story short my goal became to have a perfect figure which was impossible being that I would never have a tiny little butt like my stepfather thought was so important. I still struggle with this, but over the years I came to realize that men like women who look like women, not like 12 year-old boys with breasts.

It's incredibly damaging when parents don't accept their children for who they are, but as you get older, you might come to realize that your parents had their own issues they were battling. That's not a justifications, but often if the parent has had a lot of issues in their life and didn't come from a loving home, they just don't have the love to give that the child needs.