Happy Thanksgiving everyone, to those who celebrate, and those who do not. Wherever you are, wherever you go today, I hope you go easy on yourself. I hope you have a good day.

Originally Posted by Bjørnen

I was paid two very sweet, very heartfelt compliments today. I wanted to refute them, but I kept quiet. Why must we be so unkind to ourselves? Why is my knee-jerk reaction to someone telling me I'm a good person, "No, you're wrong"? Why is it so hard to believe that it might be true?

I tell people they are good in spite of their faults all the time, and I believe every word I say. I need to somehow start believing it about my self...

Bjornen, I don't think I saw this post before. It's been a while since I've been to my own thread! You're the best Bjorny. I hope you don't mind me saying here, that I'm glad you're doing better and well now (and even if you're not, doesn't change how much I like ya!). Rock on Brother Bjorn.

Hey! It's this thread! Funny to go back in time to an era before I knew ya.

[Sunflower123]

I’m trying really hard to understand that conflict in relationships happens. That’s life. It doesn’t necessarily follow that there is a terrible flaw(s) in my personality or that there is something wrong with my communication style or for that matter that all conflict is somehow my fault. I’m working on being more compassionate there.

Originally Posted by Bjørnen

Hey! It's this thread! Funny to go back in time to an era before I knew ya.

It's the self compassion thread, broham!

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I’m trying really hard to understand that conflict in relationships happens. That’s life. It doesn’t necessarily follow that there is a terrible flaw(s) in my personality or that there is something wrong with my communication style or for that matter that all conflict is somehow my fault. I’m working on being more compassionate there.

I really like that you had this realization, Jennifer. Conflict in relationships does happen, and I have forgotten this sometimes, too.

I myself am learning that I have specific needs and feelings that are different from others, sometimes. And it doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. Or you. Or anyone who may feel a certain way in a friendship or relationship.

How were you compassionate with yourself today?
I really feel like I haven't been compassionate with myself today. Realizing this, though, makes me want to be.

What can you be gentler on yourself with? I can think of some things I'm not ready to put into an open forum. I'll keep them to myself. that's ok

What are your strengths? Someone once told me I'm a bright spot and have a silly streak.

Why are you awesome? Today, I have no idea. But curling up under a blanket and knitting while listening to music sounds like a really good idea. And then journaling my heart out.

How were you kind to yourself today? I think I'm being kind to myself by taking the time to focus on this.

How did you love yourself today? I erased what I wrote in this answer. But it felt good to write it. I am doing what I need to do. To protect and be kind to myself.

How can you make things easier for yourself today? Knitting + warm blanket + music + journaling =

I was compassionate with myself today during a trip to town. It's Christmas shopping season and I can't think of a single thing to buy anyone. It might be tempting to be impatient with myself but I have resisted the urge.

I think not wanting to buy yet more stuff for people who don't really need it is sensible. I will particpate in the gift buying but will aim to keep low key and useful in my choices. Go me!!

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I was compassionate with myself today during a trip to town. It's Christmas shopping season and I can't think of a single thing to buy anyone. It might be tempting to be impatient with myself but I have resisted the urge.

I think not wanting to buy yet more stuff for people who don't really need it is sensible. I will particpate in the gift buying but will aim to keep low key and useful in my choices. Go me!!

Good for you, Prefab. Go you! Sometimes I just go with small gift certificates and cards. I'm pretty poor this year so a lot of people will be getting cards.

I think a heartfelt card is wonderful Starry, also small homemade gifts I like best of all. I'm done with the consumerist aspect of the season.

I was compassionate with myself after being spoken to aggressively by an angry customer. It was horrible and I really just wanted to cry but I told myself I had handled the situation as well as I could and got on with my job. This was a big win for me as a sensitive person I tend to take these things personally but today I overrode that.

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I was compassionate with myself after being spoken to aggressively by an angry customer. It was horrible and I really just wanted to cry but I told myself I had handled the situation as well as I could and got on with my job. This was a big win for me as a sensitive person I tend to take these things personally but today I overrode that.

(((((Prefab))))) When I read that, I got into protective mode of you. I'm glad that you were able to recognize those things! At the same time, I want to say I'm sorry that that customer made you feel badly. They are probably going through something awful themselves. It's not an excuse for them though. I'm so glad you were able to let it go. Prefab for the win.

[Carmina]

I can't do any of this

Originally Posted by Carmina

I can't do any of this

((((Carmina)))) What can't you do?

[Carmina]

The self affirmation stuff - it just isn't me

Originally Posted by Carmina

The self affirmation stuff - it just isn't me

You don't have to.

[Carmina]

I know - but I do wish I could be more compassionate towards myself but it just jars with how I feel, it's hard to even hear when other people give me positive feedback, actually painful.

Hi Carmina, I can relate to that. It may be how you were raised, and of course culture (I am British too - we tend to down play). Growing up the worst we could do was 'boast' or be 'bigheaded' and while those are not nice things to do we can give ourselves compassion.

Take my work scenario, a customer was frustrated, she tore a strip off me and my attempts to rectify the situation did not work, so I fell silent and let her finish (that is actually what we are told to do).

I have underlying self esteem issues, it was almost automatic of me to self blame but I stood back and rationalised the situation. I had actually handled it quite well, and Starry is quite right she had a screaming toddler which is where her anger was likely coming from she couldn't shout at him but she could at me.

It's kind of reframing, and although that aggression directed at me made me feel sick to my stomach I am not self blaming but seeing the whole situation as it was and being compassionate to myself.

We can change the way we think and for me it is a process, I slip up sometimes, but the upward trend is positive and posting here helps solidify that.

Kristen Neff has some helpful videos if you care to Google them.

Well said Prefab. (((((Carmina))))) Being compassionate towards yourself is a process. It takes time, and practice. Everyone can do it though. Even if just something small. You may not believe yourself, many times at first. You're worth it though.

As I'm writing this I'm realizing there is something I'm not being compassionate with myself about. Self compassion, can be hard. Especially when one's default is to be self-critical. And to believe that criticism. I will keep trying. Some things are harder than others.

Prefab, thanks for bringing up the Kristin Neff videos for Carmina. She also has a website with guided meditations, self compassion exercises, and tips on how to be more self compassionate. http://self-compassion.org/category/...ses/#exercises

[twistypringle98]

Remember that girl that had affirmations?

. I love what she did to herself as a young'un. I wonder if she had more and more "fits" like that. She just loved everything around her, and I believe that she has had a perfect life ever since she screamed those things.

It's weird that I say this in self compassion thread, but this girl had personal affirmations. I believe that she had that much good energy around her that she made her life perfect with affirmations, who cares? If I could have written her life, I would have said that she beat me to the punch.

Hey TwistyPringle. I remember seeing that video before. That girl is so cute and a trip!

I'm reading Wired To Connect right now. I read a lot of it while snowed in yesterday. I really like it and think its very well written. Its a book about connecting more, and in better / more helpful ways, and also has quizzes so you can learn about yourself. I'm only halfway through. But so far, I like it a lot and think other people here would, too. My only gripe, is that the cover has pink on it, and looks designed to be for more women than men. This is stuff that is really good for men to know too, and the info inside is geared, it seems to me, to both women AND men.

[PianogirlPlays]

Originally Posted by starrysky

I stuck to everything I said I was going to do today. It felt good to be around people.

I really tried to day to keep up with chores, distract with good activities and get out...

Originally Posted by PianogirlPlays

I really tried to day to keep up with chores, distract with good activities and get out...

Awesome

I think saying "no" is a beautiful thing. Empowering as all hell.