[callingforthesun]

logically-- i know that i am a good person that tries to better myself every day, who is intelligent, funny, insightful, creative, loving...so many good things that i should be proud of. and YET-
i am so hard on myself for EVERYTHING. harder on myself than i would ever be on anyone else. i know this is terrible and irrational but i cant seem to break out of these feelings of self hatred every time i feel like i "screw up" something. and then i spiral back into all the ways in which im "just so messed up" and how i feel like i try so hard to deal with things in a healthy way but i just cant seem to GET there. i turn into a rambling, bumbling idiot, totally emotional when i just need to calm down.
i did the therapy thing.....for years. and the med thing. im incredibly self aware and i know i am driving myself crazy because i have too much free time to think (im on disability). i also have pretty bad social anxiety so i keep to myself and my loved ones.
i just dont understand why i feel this way. i dont remember my parents telling me i had to be perfect, just to do the best i could. and my partner is way more accepting and loving of me than i am of myself. why cant i see myself as my loved ones do?

[Yzen]

I have this issue too. Part of my self-criticism comes from comparing myself with others and part of it is from my own internal expectations. I had a childhood where I didn't feel I was on equal ground with others, so I have always had a feeling of not being good enough. For me, that has been tough to resolve. I have this internal 'future me' that I think I should be and it changes as I compare myself with others. It is a losing game that causes me to beat up myself when I make even small mistakes.

To resolve it, I am trying to accept the 'present me'. I try to keep a daily gratitude journal. I write down 3 things every night that I was grateful for during the day. It does help change my perspective away from what I did wrong during the day. I am also trying to be more aware of when I judge myself harshly and redirect it to a more compassionate voice, such as telling myself: "Bullying myself right now isn't going to serve me in getting better; I have learned from this mistake and will move on from it RIGHT NOW".

I am open to other ideas. It seems to take rewiring your thought process.

[Skeezyks]

I've always had a tendency to "dump" on myself too. In some cases, it's justified. In others it's just downright stupid... there's no other way to put it. The "answer", so to speak, for me has been the ancient Tibetan Buddhist teachings called "Lojong" or "mind training" primarily as taught by the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön.

One of the practices I have learned, & come to rely on, is one which is referred to as: "compassionate abiding". Perhaps you're familiar with it? Here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice, just in case you're not:

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

[callingforthesun]

that is the first time ive read that as an actual technique, but ive been reading stuff lately (by heather havrilesky) that suggests "sitting with" all the uncomfortable emotions you want to avoid and it sounds very similar to this.... i like it. it will be interesting to use it when i next get triggered, because ive really been needing something for in that moment...calming down and centering myself.... thank you