[sarahxxkristine]

Im an adopted korean and growin up i was ridiculed for it...constantly...by kids i knew and by kids i didnt know...that was 5 years ago and now im very insecure and i own alot of self doubt and a very defensive, cold personality when i feel attacked...i know im not unattractive, but it feels like people dont look at looks and just look at the fact that im not white and my eyes arent like everyone elses....sometimes it hurts for me to feel this way...and makes me wish i had never come to America, the land of dreams and hopes....cause to me, its also the land of stereotypes and ignorance....i know not everyone is like this and only a few are...both those few have made my life hell for 5 years...idk how to break these feelings, but i need to...in order for me to feel better about myself.

thank you for reading....this was mainly to get off my chest how i was feeling.

[Perna]

That's hard. I know I did a lot of reading to help myself with my self esteem and feeling like I didn't fit in as a young adult. I saw a Philippino therapist for 20 years (I'm not adopted or from a mixed-nationality situation), maybe you could find a Korean one to see for awhile who would understand and could help you feel better about yourself?

http://www.mitaliperkins.com/bookshelft.html

[Angel_of_the_Past]

We all need to have our heritage validated-I agree with Perna.
Hugs-Angel

[Rapunzel]

I'm looking for an autobiography I read by a woman who was adopted from Korea. I found it particularly moving because of all that she went through, and the way that she was able to write about it with courage and confidence. I haven't found that one yet, but you might look at these books :

http://www.comeunity.com/adoption/books/0korea.html

I'm still not finding the one I was thinking of, but some of these might be helpful.

[sarahxxkristine]

thank you very much guys i appreciate u taking the time to listen to me...i will definitely check out those books Rapunzel thank you very much and perna and angel of the past, i appreciate the good advice i willd efinitely try that

[Rapunzel]

Keep talking to us too, okay? I would like to know what you find that helps you and have you share your journey with us.

You know, when I was in high school, I hung around with some of the Asian kids. I wasn't accepted in that group, but there was a boy I really liked. He was embarassed to be seen with me though because I was "American." I'm a descendent of relatively recent immigrants though. Anyway, I wanted to be Oriental at that point in my life, and was envious of the straight, dark hair, beautiful brown eyes, small feet (the guy I liked said that my feet were too big - size 6), and the way that Oriental people seem not to show their age, or to age so gracefully. I had a Korean dress as a child too, with the striped sleeves and red skirt, and I loved to wear it. My dad was stationed in Korea for a couple of years, so even though I haven't been there, I felt some connection with Korea.

[sarahxxkristine]

aw rapunzel thank you for sharing ur story, i really cant believe an asian guy would be embarressed to be with an american girl, esp in america. im sorry that happened.

idk my T's daughter in law was adopted from korea, so she is alil understanding of my situation...however her daughter in law has no urge to go back, when im the complete opposite, i wanna go and experience it...id go in a minute if i could. i think itd be awesome...

[Rapunzel]

Maybe you can make the opportunity to be able to go. My father is from Norway, and I finally did go back there and I met his cousins and saw the place where he was born. It was worth it. Some of us have more of a need for connection with our heritage, whatever it is, than others do. If it is something you want to do, you should go sometime.

[sarahxxkristine]

id absolutely love to, but i cant go alone...the trip is expensive...my mom is scared of the long flight...idk there is alot that goes into it...but i REALLY REALLY WANNA GO OVER MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. im obsessed with the korean culture right now...i never accepted it before cause i figured "im american, ive been here everday of my life besides the first 6 months, im american...korea has nothing to do with me" but in the end, it has everything to do with me. my birth parents are there, my brother is korean..i love who i am and wanting to go to Seoul SK, is just enhancing that love for myself....

[Rapunzel]

It took me years to plan to go to Norway, and eventually I just had to go for it. Maybe the way will open up for you to go to Korea. You can make anything happen eventually if it is what you really want more than anything else. Or maybe you will decide by that time that you want something else more, and if so, that is okay too.

Do you have names of your birth parents or any information about them?

[imapatient]

Does your college-to-be have programs that could help you explore that part of yourself--Asian or Asian-American student groups, Korean student groups, societies?

Study abroad to get you to SK down the road?

My BA and MA are both in political science, and I know that studying Asian politics and society is a growing field. Taking a class that involves studies of that area, even if not directly focused on Korea, would expose you to some of what you seek and put you in a place to meet some people who could find more resources—human and other kinds, too. Or just auditing it or contacting people involved with the course to help find more for yourself to do.

(((((((((Sarah)))))))))))),
I'm so sorry you are in so much pain! It is really good to see you posting I wish you had the confidence that you deserve. Do you have a T to tell? Take care.

[Malachite]

Dear Sarah,

I have great empathy, for your experience. I came to the United States, from Germany, in 1954. I wasn't quite four years old. Around age seven, I started to become aware, I wasn't welcome, by many, account of my national origin. It was a tough reality for a child, and is probably responsible, for my current Avoidant Personality Disorder.

Regardless, I embrace my German heritage. I recommend, you embrace your Korean heritage. Study the language, the culture and the history. I studied German in high school, and have learned much about Germany indirectly, by virtue of my science and engineering studies.

You have my support,

Larry

[pachyderm]

((((Sarah)))))