[Zelev]

Most of my adult life, I have spent trying to avoid the same abusive relationships from my past but "bullying" is a theme that I can't seem to shake.

I really want good, positive people in my life but I seem to attract the opposite. When I meet a stranger (male or female), I usually start out great but eventually will miss some social cue or fail to recognize important body language, etc.

I'm either really intimidated because I find the person attractive and want to know them or if I feel they are not a threat and am too open, revealing too much information about myself.

99% of the time, I can't tell if that person is really connecting with me and this usually leads to bullying. It starts out very subtle with sly remarks or impoliteness escalates to verbal abuse and manipulation.

I'm so frustrated that now I avoid making new friends and only socialize with family members and people they know because I'm such a poor judge of character.

Any advice? Is there a book or something that can help?

[Christina86]

((((((((Zelev))))))))))))))))

Are you in any sort of counselling? This sounds like the sort of thing that would be really useful to discuss and work through. There are also workshops (some places) on social confidence and whatnot that might be useful.

As for books, myself I haven't read any of these but there were a couple when I did a search online:
- Adult Bullying by Peter Randall
- Bullying in Adulthood: Assessing the Bullies and their Victims by Peter Randall

[Sannah]

Check out Bullies2Buddies.com

[Zelev]

I also contacted a counselor. I'm seriously considering being tested for Asperger's Syndrome. I took some tests in college and my Myers-Briggs personality type is INTP and I guess people with that profile are usually seen as odd anyway.

I don't mind being odd but the fact that I can't recognize a lot of social norms and cues bothers me. I never know what to do and bad types pick up on that and use it to there advantage. I fall for the same senarios time and time again.

Thanks

[nowheretorun]

i dont think we are wrong when being bullied.. its really the bullies who are at the source of our suffering.. we can rise above and feel good in the fact that at least we dont add to others pain and find it humorous...