What I got from 3.5 years in college

"This is no good" to almost everything i do.What the heck.

I am tired of feling ashamed of myself. I am tired of thinking that i am to blame for everything. I am tired of thinking that i am lazy, not tallanted, not as deep and interesting a person as i thought b4 i came to college and didn`t understand what do they want with the****ing "concept"y as i did the illustraitons with an artist i know - i couldn`t get rid of my panic.

I kept feeling and thking "****! what if they say its no good. I AM NO GOOD. only N and D and Al and many others are moving on with the project and are fune. "Its good" they get it "its really wounderful typographic work" and me - - -heck. amd to me only " i don`t think its good. no go back to your sketch book, it looks like a work of a first year student not one that is about to graduate.

I am tired of thking and feeling it. ******* them to ****ig hell. I wish they could feel the way i do!

I want to believe i am good, too! I did pass, however, from one year to another. I did get some fine works.

With my mother to whom generally i don`t open up and speak - because she has the tendency to freak out and I feel like i am TO BALME for the fact she is nervous. I think - if Dad enters the room that he entered to yell at me for upsetting mom. As a chiled i was moody, i wasn`t nice to people and my mom was angry with me so angry she actually felt sick - because i wasn`t smiling and nice to her friends. I was just distant and such.

Heck and what a nice thing - i am wasting my tgime worting this post insteac of doing the ****ing project that caused this post in the first place!

Ho God WHEN WILL THIS END????
I am soooooooo t i r e d of suffering. I jsut want to relax and forget about myself. I want to forget i ever came into college. into that foreign city and started living with that fat *****. How hard it was and how i got used to panic and how hard it was to do everything all of the sudden. on my own.

I want to feel like - before college. I lost somehting very basic during the years.

(((((((((( ladym ))))))))))

Don’t loose heart, my friend.......

You have not come this far,

endured this much, to fail.

The end is near and

the time for rejoicing draws close.

You, my wise young friend, can do this.

hey lady Macbeth,

sorry to hear that you are having a tough time with your college studies. It sounds like you are studying art, and I can say with personal experience that teachers judgements in art can seem strange and frustrating. There are so many people who just don't "fit" into the are school ideal, even if their work is amazing. I'm thinking of most graphic novelists who had terrible times in art school, (I'm thinking of the artist whose work the movie Ghostworld is based on).

You do, however, want to get through and finish your studies. My advice would be to keep a strong sense of what you really want and care about for your work, but also talk to your teachers and get concrete direction about what you need to do to pass. I know this is tough, but if you at least implement their advice, then they have a stronger incentive to approve your mark.

All my sympathies, lady Macbeth, art school can really suck. It's so much about personal taste and personality. My thoughts are with you!

Thank you very much

Its graphid design i study not art

I jsut feel very hard to believe in myself sometimes. I sometimes fel panic and terrified what if they don`t like it.

I do believe them, thought.
I agree about teh concrete direction for passing - because i need to ****ing pass this ****. Its o.k. It will be o.k

*i want to care less. care less*

(((ladymacabethadmunsen))))))when things get hard as they do, Know we all believe in you.
As a child she should have taken more time with you. If you were moody there was a reason.
With my kids when they are moody and they are grown its usally for a reason.
((((you matter very much ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

LadyM, you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm also about to graduate from art school. I started out so confident, doing my own thing. But then it's, You can't do that. That's not real art. Why did you come here if that's what you want to do? I wanted to be an illustration major, but I switched to fine art because it had more options. I can't touch my paints or pencils anymore. I have no idea what I'm going to do when I graduate, because they've ruined everything I used to love about art.

oh didn`t know someone posted here! eh! sorry for waht happened to you - i reccoment reading and doing the book "The Artists Way by Julia Cameron

Yes, I love The Artist's Way. It changed my life.

aw! really? mine too!

I'm sorry your course tutors are giving your confidence a knock - try to remain strong, not everyone will like your work, it's a very personal thing, some will love it, some will hate it (sorry not to sound harsh lol). If you find joy in what you do, if you work hard and like what you create, that's probably an important thing. There's no point in creating what 'they' want if it's not right for you. And anyway, you said you're passing, so seems you ARE doing it right. If you weren't doing things right you would fail. And even then you can work on it and improve.

If this is what you like and what you want to do, stick at it. Even famous artists (I know it's graphic design but just an example) were told they weren't good by some people.

I don't rate a lot of art that is 'famous' and popular. Picasso for example, I think he was.. sorry to say it... rubbish. I saw some of his pieces in barcelona, and if I were his teacher (lol) I would have failed him!!! But they would sell for possibly millions.

So... do the task as you're told, but don't be too upset if people don't see what you're trying to do or appreciate it. Other people will. And you're doing enough to pass so they must like your work. You probably take the 'critisism' very personally when it is really guidance and they see a way you can improve. I can't handle critisism at all so I'm not insulting you, just saying perhaps when people say it's not right they just see a way it can improve, and that's why you're studying this in the first place I suppose. Hang on in there x