I compare myself to others.

This will probably end up touching on more than just self-esteem issues, but it seemed the most appropriate place to start.

First of all I'm a twenty year-old female currently living in Canada. I'm in my second year of college and enrolled in a Corrections program. It's not what I want to do with my life at all. I just figured it might help build up my confidence, and because I was too afraid to take a completely different program all because I didn't want to have to start all over again, not knowing anyone and sitting by myself everyday.

You see it's very difficult for me to make friends, because I put myself down before I even try to talk to people. 'Oh, they'll think I'm weird. I can't just go up and say 'hi' randomly. Who does that?' I just wouldn't know how to start a conversation out of the blue without feeling awkward. I hate being alone. And I envy people who are popular, but why does it feel so difficult to put myself out there and try to make friends? It doesn't help that I'm so petite for my age. Being short makes me feel like people don't take me seriously.

Also, I'm constantly wondering how some people have so much talent and know exactly what they want to do with their future. There's not one talent I can say that I have or that I'm confident in. I don't even have my driver's license yet because I feel like I'll never pass the tests or that I'm sure to get into an accident. I don't have confidence in myself or the ability to learn. Lastly, I can't go out with some of the girls from work .. because I feel very ugly next to them. I do like attention, but when I'm with them it's just all the more obvious I'm second-rate in comparison. I feel like there's nothing desirable about me at all. It doesn't help I've never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship. It just makes me wonder what's wrong with me.

How can I learn to be happy and confident?

Hi Lynn

I'd recommend moving this post to the anxiety and/or depression room/s. You would have a better chance of getting helpful responses.

I have a very low self-esteem too. People have recommended that I make small, tangible goals for myself to achieve quickly (within weeks). Write the list of goals for myself, check mark besides those things that I've achieved (to remind myself that I have done things). List other more long-term goals, but only a couple at a time. A long list of long-term goals can feel overwhelming, so keep most of it relatively simple.

That's my advice. Best wishes to you!
Shez

((((((((((Lynn)))))))))))

It hard not to compare yourself to otheres - but you know - finding it hard to start a conversation with foreign people doesn`t mean that something is wrong with you, and i do know about many girls your age that never had a boyfriend. and as to driving license - I am almost 24 and still don`t have it!

I think it is natural ot feel the same you feel when you are new in a plcae - your confidance will show more on familiar occations.

Maybe try to say "hello whats up?" to a person you know PLAN what to say before you say it, and even if you stop talkin entirely - try the next morning. if you odn`t sotp somehting will turn out1 when people see you are trying to get oround - the nicer ones won`t push you away but invite you to join them! it happenes. Believe me

Believe it or not, other people are not as confident, talented, or in general "with it" as they seem. We see other people in snapshots and usually they seem to have it together. We see them when they are having fun and enjoying themselves, not when they are alone and depressed.

The best example I can think of is myself. At work I'm confident and professional, but when I get home my husband sees the pile of mush I become. (And I don't really like it that he sees it either so I try to cry when he's not around.)

You are comparing yourself to what other people present themselves as, not the whole person. We want others to like us so we put on a facade for a while at least. I've often said you can tell how well a person knows me by how polite they think I am. To most people I'm a caring, thoughtful person. To my closest friends I'm an irreverent smart-mouth.

You aren't the only person who has a hard time in social situations, but you are the one person you see in every ackward situation you witness. That might not make sense, but what I'm trying to say is that you see (and probably repromand yourself) for every "bad thing" you see in yourself because you are living with yourself. You are the only person you see 24 hours a day. Everyone has their insecurities about things but not everyone shows them when you are looking.

I'm not saying you should look closer at everyone else, but stop trying to get up on the pedistal of perfection for yourself. It's very lonely up there because no one else gets there either.

Saying all that, I should take some of my own advice because I have a feeling I've been in similar cirumstances.

Be the best "you" you can be, you're the best qualified for that job.

It sounds like you never got a chance to build up your identity. Maybe start there?

Hi Lynn,
It's nice to meet you, my name is Lynn and I live in Canada too. I don't think there is anything seriously wrong with you. I think you need to build up your self esteem and work on the shyness you have. I'm a Mom with 2 girls and when I was younger I was painfully shy. I think it had something to do with my fathers death when I was 2. It improved as I got older. Even now I sometimes find it hard in social situations. Looking back I feel I missed alot in those years of being shy. I felt like I was always holding myself back (listening to that critical voice in my head). They say with age comes wisdom and that's so true. I only wish I could go back with the knowledge I have now.
First of all you need to stop listening to that critical voice in your head and replace it with positive "yes I can" messages. Don't set yourself up for failure. And if you fail sometimes it's okay, at least you tried. You only have one life so go for it. The other posts were right that you should never compare yourself to other people. It's okay that you're short, men have a harder time with height. Have you tried to go to a salon and have them help you with some beauty tips. Focus on your best assets.
You should learn to drive because it's fun and easy. Everyone has something that they're good at, so don't be hard on yourself. Don't worry about what other people are thinking or doing. Right now you're being your own enemy instead of a best friend. My 11yr. old takes karate and it's great for building self confidence. You're young and at one of the best times of your life so I hope you'll enjoy it to the fullest. You don't want to end up with regrets like me. Volunteering is a good way to meet people because the people are all there for the same reason. Best of luck to you.