[Zen888]

I think I still have one sorta friend but that is all.

I am very shy, I isolate myself, I have a hard time trusting ppl, anxiety issues, and sleepy due to medications.

And I think I may also have a social phobia of sorts. I tense up when I am in public and kinda scared of my own shadow to some extent.

I have a pottery course starting up mid-April till mid-June. As you probably know if you have spoken to me here on PC I love to talk about animals/pets. I would like to broaden the topics of conversation so that I don't come across as odd or strange.

How do I come out of my shell? How do I find friends with mutal interests and temperments? How do I keep friends with my ongoing medical issues such as anxiety and sleepiness?

[FerretGuy5]

Just be yourself and be truthful about the things you like and dislike. You can't beat honesty and besides if you are not honest about things it becomes impossible to cover all the lies. People can and will like you for your true qualities and personality.

I have but one new friend. That is a start. As long as I can breathe, I have a future and possibilities.

[Junerain]

How about joining a support group with others who also have diagnoses.....I have met my very best friends at these, people are open there, it is conducive to true friendships...

dbsalliance.org

click on find support & chapter meetings enter zipcode

[Kaelia]

If you really enjoy animals/pets, perhaps you could volunteer at an animal shelter? That way, you could spend time playing with the animals (animals love you no matter what!), and the animals would act as a great, safe interface for you and the other people there.

[Zen888]

The pottery course that I will be taking will have new ppl in it obviously. I tend to zone out when I am making pottery and act like I am in my own world...making pottery calms me down that much.

How do I still relax while making pottery and interact with ppl?

[sunrise]

Having friends is an area I would like to change in my life too. I'm going slowly and not pressuring myself. I look at my interactions and when opportunities arise, I try to relate to people as myself so they are not misled about who I am. I "listen" to whether there is something in common with a person that I might want to nurture. And if there is, I may try to give the relationship a very very small nudge in the direction of "getting to know you better." I find it best for myself to go very slowly, plus if I came on too strongly it could be offputting. What I find hard is making time to do the nurturing. Following up with people who have potential as a friend, due to my own busy schedule, and theirs too. Without nurturing, potential friendships will not develop. This is probably one of the hardest parts for me. Sometimes just connecting once in a while with an email can help the friendship along. Then maybe something more major in the future, such as getting together for coffee.

The pottery class sounds fine. Talk to people about pottery and what they are making and techniques they are using (Hey, how did you get the clay to do that?). That way the conversation is natural. If they are making a sculpture of an animal, then you could introduce the pet topic.

[Lemon]

This is a great topic and something I've struggled with my whole life. I enjoy being with people (eventually) but since I have a lot of anxiety in new situations and with new people I'm not likely to put myself in situations where I'll make new friends.

I find work the easiest place. It is less intimidating to ask a co-worker to share lunch in the cafeteria than to invite someone to get together over the weekend.

Zen - I wish I knew you....I love animals and have liked a pottery class I took in the past.

[Zen888]

I have a difficult time maintaining and nuturing relationships with people. I have lost so much in my life.....lost 6 family members between 1994 to 1999 including my parents. My brother will not talk or deal with me.

So I have a hard time getting attached to people. Which makes it difficult to make friends. I get scared easily and run & hide. I'm scared of being abandoned or ppl dying on me.

Just don't know what to do with myself. Don't want to be rejected. I am a very nice person and sometimes I get burnt by being so nice.....get the door slammed in my face.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by Zen888

So I have a hard time getting attached to people. Which makes it difficult to make friends. I get scared easily and run & hide. I'm scared of being abandoned or ppl dying on me.

Just don't know what to do with myself. Don't want to be rejected. I am a very nice person and sometimes I get burnt by being so nice.....get the door slammed in my face.

If you go slowly, you will develop the relationship to a point of trust. Before you get close and attach, if the friendship doesn't work out and falls by the wayside, it won't be so painful. It will be in the early stages before attachment. So it's easier (less painful) to let the relationship slide during this period. It's like a gettting to know you period when each person is deciding if they will put effort into the relationship. So Zen, my main suggestion is just to go slowly. See if you can build up a casual friendship or two where the rejection stakes aren't so high.

Lemon mentioned friendships at work. I agree this is a less threatening place to build a friendship as you are both there all day anyway--you don't have to risk as much, at least at first. A friendship at work can start just by talking to a co-worker about what you did over the weekend. And you can talk about non-task related things at work too, e.g. "can you believe our insurance premium went up so much this year?" or "I can hardly wait until we move to the new building", etc.

I don't have many friends either, so I probably shouldn't be giving any advice. For me, a lot of it is time. I feel run ragged by work, being a mom, keeping my house from falling apart, etc. There is not a lot of time for friendships, not to mention a romantic relationship. Somehow, I have to learn to manage my time better to have relationships.

[miray]

((((((((Zen))))))))....The pottery class is a great idea. That could be a great start to getting you interacting with people who have similar interests. Maybe talk about how interesting making the pottery is to you and how it relaxes you so much you don't even notice things going on around you. Odds are there will be others who do the same. My daughter and I started a line dancing class a couple months ago. I concentrate on the steps so much I don't even notice the others around me (other than making sure I don't run them over...hehehe). If they reject you, they are the ones missing out on you. Every time I have chatted with you, you have always been pleasant and interesting. Just be yourself...you'll do great!!

[Perna]

See how the pottery goes and see if you can just get in a conversation or two and maybe find people to have coffee with before/afterwards, that sort of thing? Just "practicing" is good. I use sales clerks to practice on, ask them when they get off work, simple things like that just to get in the habit of conversing with others.

I would maybe sit in the pottery class away from some of the materials I need so I'd have to walk over/by several people to get to the slip or a tool or rack/shelf/oven or something and stop and watch them and comment (favorably :-) on what they're making, etc.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Zen888

I have a difficult time maintaining and nuturing relationships with people. I have lost so much in my life.....lost 6 family members between 1994 to 1999 including my parents. My brother will not talk or deal with me.

So I have a hard time getting attached to people. Which makes it difficult to make friends. I get scared easily and run & hide. I'm scared of being abandoned or ppl dying on me.

Just don't know what to do with myself. Don't want to be rejected. I am a very nice person and sometimes I get burnt by being so nice.....get the door slammed in my face.

These sound like some good issues to work on!

[Stevejavson]

I recommend looking specifically for other shy individuals. The group tension should be a much smaller factor and it only takes a few minutes to warm up and make a new friend.

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( Zen888 )))))))))))))))))))

[sunrise]

Zen888, how is your pottery course going? Are you learning some good pottery techniques? (LOL, I know nothing about pottery!) Have you had any conversations with your classmates? I hope the class is a good experience.

[pachyderm]

Recently I made a mosaic tile birdbath, that has as its foundation one of those pottery dishes that sit under plant pots. I took a two-week "class" to make it. I did not make any added friends at the class, partly because the people were too "normal" But I seem to have impressed my family and a couple of friends that I did such a thing...