you may think that this shouldn't involve my self-esteem....but it does.....a lot of you know about the problems that i've had with my real estate sale in New Mexico...i received a letter last week from my atty saying that the bank wouldn't release my mortgage unless i signed an agreement to not seek damages from them. i refused to do that and they have now agreed to release my mortgage. i don't know what the frigging bankruptcy atty is going to do...my self-esteem is at a real low point. i keep thinking that if i had been smarter, wiser, faster, NOT BI_POLAR, none of this would haev happened. i'm taking a real beating from myself. i'm going now to pick up the paperwork for nursing school, but i'm scared to death that i won't be able to get in. i make a sorry candidate for a nurse when i can't handle my own life.......how can i help others????????? long, long sigh.................

[nothemama8]

Pat, have you checked out OVR Office of Vocational Rehab they might be able to pay for your schooling
Angie

[SeptemberMorn]

Pat, from what little I know about your money circumstances, it wasn't anything you did or didn't do. What the heck are your attorneys doing? Did you pay them for their "expert" advice so that your problems would come out the best way possible??

So... it the money in YOUR personal account? If so, don't worry about what the attorney is going to do. Take that money out and keep it out of reach!

You're "what ifing," Hun. Stop it. What's done is done and you being bi-polar had nothing to do with it. You did what was right and that was paying and trusting an "expert" to bring you out of this the best way possible. Maybe I'm wrong but that attorney seems to be looking out for a misplaced #1... and it ain't you.

Don't know much of the details, but it sounds to me like you were taking for a wild ride to the cleaners! You were used and abused. Stop blaming yourself for it. Stop listening to old tapes and to whatever depression is hanging around lying to you. You're no dummy! You're not ignorant nor illiterate to not know what's right and what's not. IF... and I say "IF" you've made some mistakes along the way, then the only thing you can accuse yourself of is being human!

Do you realize how much COURAGE and WISDOM it took for you to NOT sign those papers? WOW! I don't know that I could have done it and I'm pretty gutsy and stubborn! Geez, Lady! You stood by what you thought was right! Give yourself a break, eh?

I have a request. Since I appreciate, care for, admire for several reason, my friend named Pat; would you please tell her what I just said about her? Would you give her an "Atta-girl" and make sure she understands that her illness DOES NOT define who she is? Please be kind to my friend Pat, ok? I really like her and I don't like to see anyone being anything else but kind to her.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Pat}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((( pat )))))))))))))))))))))) often those of us who who "avoid self, have been thru difficulties, etc" are wonderful, perfect caretakers. we find healing and completion in helping others. i would say that you'll be a wonderful nurse. i mean that.

peaceful wishes,

kd

about the house.....nothing that my atty did or has done has anything to do with this mess.
1. i sold the house and we went to close 03/23/04.
2. title problem
3. upon title search, we found that my neighbor had gone to the courthouse and made a warranty deed out to himself and his wife on my property. they borrowed $123k from Deutsche bank...bank did not do a title search, but got title insurance.
4. neighbor got foreclosed on and took bankruptcy...
5. my property ended up in his bankruptcy plea. government's bankruptcy lawyer is a *****ette and refused to co-operate with us. you can't sue a federal atty.
6. all of this had happened before we went to close. signed, sealed and delivered.
7. neighbor and his lawyer refused to give me a quit claim deed. bankruptcy lawyer also refused.
8. i've paid my atty $500 only. he refused any more til we closed. bills are close to $20k now.
9. we've lost one buyer and i managed to snag another one. had to make some concessions, but it was to keep buyer. who wants to buy a huge piece of property that the idiot a.h. neighbor deeded to himself?

i went to vo-rehab and qualified for school. but i have to have $ to live on during school. i cannot go to school five days a week, 8-10 hours a day and work at night. that's out of the question. i picked up application today and will return it tomorrow. are there loans, for destitute women, that can be paid back after schooling is complete? do you have to have collateral????

[SeptemberMorn]

Ditto what Kimmy said!

[Wants2Fly]

Holy cow! How did your neighbor get away with this? Isn't this fraud? Why aren't charges being brought against him? I should think the Deutsche bank would want to sue him for defrauding them of $123K.

I do understand what you mean about how self-esteem is tied up in this. To give examples of my own messes will hijack the thread, take too long, but been there, done that, in my own ways

remember that the bank got title insurance...without doing a title search to find out that the property is mine.....they aren't out $123k.......i've had to reduce the price of my property because it has been tied up so very long.....i'm assuming that the government will do something with him. he committed a felony by lying about who owned the property. i would also think that the bank would go after him.....BUT he now has nothing because the bank is going to take the property he lives on.....so, i can't get blood out of a turnip.....but i'd like to beat the %#@&#! out of him!!!!!i fed his parents two meals a day for three months when his mom fell and broke her collar bone!!! he lived next door to them and didn't do squat...i am filled with all kinds of horrible feelings if i let myself dwell on it....so, i try to not wallow.......and i really haven't made any mistakes in this.......it's just normal to feel like i have because i suffer from this disease...the mood stabilizers have helped me enormously..

i forgot to tell you this.......nothing prevents someone from going to the courthouse and getting your legal description.......in this case Aaron did that and wrote himself a warranty deed and forged the signautres.......then the Bank ****ed up by not doing a title search........can we hold them accountable?i am a teensy blip on their radar screen and i seriously doubt that i can win....it's sickening.... my legal bills are at $20k now and my lawyer has said he is going to reduce that figure. he has done everything humanly possible on this for me. remember this, guys, you can't fight the government and win.......

Pat,

So sorry for what you're going through. I live in New Mexico-- point me in " his " direction and I'll take care of it!!! --- (just kidding- but I do live in New Mexico)

Mandy

Pilar...17 miles south of Taos.....thanks for the offer. send him some bad vibes...

Ok --- Bad Vibes going his way!! We are supposed to have some real bad winds tomorrow- maybe he'll blow away!!
Take care Pat and go easy on yourself!!

Mandy

[SeptemberMorn]

So then... how is any of this your fault? You're not a mind reader, a fortune teller. You don't have super powers of any kind to have known what this creep was going to do. Be kind to yourself! Too many other people have already done a good job of beating you up emotionally.

There's a friend of mine that says that things always happen for a reason. But the reason is in the future, not in the past. Things always seem to end up for the better. There must be something to be gained from this, Pat. Look for the silver lining. There's bound to be one.

There was something else I wanted to say but I've lost the thought. When I think of it, I'll let you know. (Damn brain cells!)

[SeptemberMorn]

Oh! Oh! Wouldn't you know I'd remember it right after I sent the post? SHEEESH!

"Depression is anger turned inward." That's what we were taught when I was in the hospital three years ago. From where I'm sitting, you have nothing to be angry with yourself about. It was nothing that you did or didn't do.

Be kind to Pat, ok?

thanks, everyone....i'm filling out the nursing school application today AND i'm going to take it back to the school....from work...not after work...during work...i am picking up my keys, purse and going over to the school for a few minutes...i'm feeling sorta like the "she warrior" that Shar thinks i am!!!!!!! i am going to imagine that i have a legion of nuts with me...okay?????//xoxoxo pat

[SpazKatt]

*hugs* Pat you are NOT a bad person!!! none of this is your fault! You are such a kind sweet caring person I know you'll make a wonderful nurse!

to all who read my post....i'm sorry i cursed....it's a habit that i'm trying to break but the house sale sorta gets me going!!
i found out that i may not make the August nursing class..they fill up so fast..someone is supposed to call me Monday about it.....if i don't get in, i'm move back to the ranch and find whatever work i can and fix that place up....elbow grease fixing....perhaps we could have a Groholers DIY weekend!!!!!!!! oh what fun that would be...they already think i'm nuts there.....very, very redneck area...

[SpazKatt]

Oh pat if I was closer I'd LOVE to come and join you!!!

thanks spazz........we could really turn those hillbilly heads!!!

[mamangieh]

Pat check out Grants for Women, also www.Free Grant Search.com, FundsNet
Let me know how you do if you need more just give me a yell
Angie

[SeptemberMorn]

Ok... so how has your self-esteem improved through all of this?

Do we agree that what happened with your property wasn't any of your doing?

Do we agree that you getting into nursing school doesn't have anything to do with whether you are "good enough" or not?

What have you learned from this so far?

[(JD)]

rereading the original post... I agree those issues SHOULDN'T affect your self esteem, but I recognize that they DO. BUT then I could go on a rant about using the term Should and Shouldn't !

You are not what you do. You are not what happens to you. You are not what others think about you.

You are a worthwhile person, whether you become a nurse or not! (for example)