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Old May 19, 2009, 11:20 AM
roxyskater's Avatar
roxyskater roxyskater is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2009
Location: Saratoga, NY USA
Posts: 126
Hi Friends,

Today I find myself thinking of the abuse endured by my mother. I remember beginning to SI at that time, also I become a nervous child and began making up stories of my home life to others, cause they could never come in, I remember teachers asking why I was always crying and that I was to young so to so sad. But in those days it was common to get hit its just that my Mother often lost control and sometimes said terrible things to us. She was a very lonely and unhappy and depressed woman, I know that now but as a child I knew she just hated me. She would hit us for the littlest thing and yell like a wild woman, but she was also abused as a child so really she didnt know any different...Thats what I try and believe.
I swore to be different to my kids I didnt take out my unhappiness on them. If I caught myself yelling at them I tried to stop and wake away till I gained control of myself. I was far from perfect I smacked them from time to time but I always felt bad and told them so. I just tried to be better than my Mom had been. She always made me feel unwanted unloved and the cause of her unhappiness. I tried to be different with my children and I hope they are even better with their children.

Sincerely,

Roxy

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  #2  
Old May 19, 2009, 07:33 PM
phoenix7's Avatar
phoenix7 phoenix7 is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
Well done on stopping the cycle of abuse - you made a decision to be kinder and you have been - sometimes we fall but you explained to your children and you do the best you can

and you are trying to understand and accept your mother - you are doing hard work and I applaud you
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Its not how many times you fall down that counts
its how many times you get back up!
Physical and mental abuse
(Thanks to fenrir for my Picture )

When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing One of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.
by Patrick Overton, author and poet
  #3  
Old May 19, 2009, 07:45 PM
Pomegranate's Avatar
Pomegranate Pomegranate is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,611
That's what so many of us are trying, tried, to do - stop the cycle. Good on you Roxy!
__________________

I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture
than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you."
Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure.
Can't stop you from praying and blessing me,
and if that makes you feel better feel free.
But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me.
And let's all respect each other's feelings.
With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
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