[Myzen]

hi folks,

I was inspired to write this post by zh's thread and a discussion on another thread. Over the last months I have expressed a lot of difficult history here at Psych Central (to you long suffering folks), and there are just a few bits still popping into my head.

Some people might find this quite funny in a black humour kind of way.

So, for as long as I can remember I haven't been able to say my deceased father's name. I can't actually form the word in my mouth. I'm OK with other names but I can't say that one for the life of me. His name was 'Bobby'. (Even writing it sends a few shivers).

So my daughter has had a really nice boyfriend for the past year and they are now living together, I really like him. Guess what his name is? You've got it - 'Bobby'.
Not being able to say his name was a real embarrassment at first so I had to make an arrangement with them that I call him 'Robby'. They are OK with this.

But what's in a name? Robbie is fine, and I can say it, sing it, write it - but that other name - I still can't say it.

I wondered this morning. What would I have felt like if my son couldn't say my name?

Shiver.

Anyone else have strategies for the name thing?

Cheers, Myzen.

[LMo]

No, but I just wanted to express my support. I'm glad your daughter and her boyfriend are understanding of it. I'm shuddering along with you.
Love,
LMo

[nightdream]

Hi Myzen,

My father died 16 years ago and I still have a hard time saying his name. I have a hard time because I love him so much and everytime I say his name its like something pierce my heart. When I meet people who has same name as him I can say their name but I wish they would have another name because it reminds me of him everytime I say their name and everytime I wish he was still with me.

It can be for different reasons that it is hard to say some names. Like for me it is because I love him, for another, it can be a name of an abuser. A name identify a person but also it can identify a memory. But you are not alone with this.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Myzen}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

nightdream

Good topic Myzen. Let me sleep and get back to you with a working brain on this one.

I'm sure that many ppl could find strong emotions over a name in their lives.

my rugrat godkids wore me out today!

oh.........if you don't see me back in this thread you could always PM me to holler and remind me I did say I had more to say about this.

Thanks for adding this in here.............thinking is not going to happen tonight but hopefully the cogs and wheels will soon start up again.

[Kathyanita]

I couldnt say the word Dad or Daddy once I found my father unless it was in writing. I so wanted to be able to say goodbye Daddy when he was dieing and passed away last month- but I dont know how to use certain words- they have no cognizant meaning . Because of brainwashing and having to erase my original identity from the time I was 5 years old -including having to learn through corporal punishment how to speak like I came from the north and lose my southern accent- I have great difficulty with words and meaning. My brothers name was changed and through physicasl torture I had to learn to call him something else. But they also gave people names to furniture so language lost meaning and became a burdon and ambiguous. Deprogramming is something that cant entirely work for me anymore because Im too old and my brain is no longer able to be rewired so I adapt by writing- like Ive done here. Thats why I was compelled to point out the black and white meaning in the thread by wantsto- even though it seemed irrelevent in the context to everyone I at least was proud of my observation.

[Myzen]

Hi Kathyanita,

I feel that I have to reply to your post straight away. The experiences you describe sound (and feel) so painful.

People do such cruel things to each other, and we just have to survive it. I remind myself that there are many, many, good people in the world, and we can draw something from them to balance out the hard times.

Just being here on Psych Central is a great help for me, and I hope it is for you.

Good thoughts, Myzen.

[Kathyanita]

people i've known in the "real" world prefer to think youre psychotic and medicate you than to consider that the content of youre thoughts could reflect real experiences- "that sort of thing just doesnt happen- someone would have noticed" teachers, doctors, nieghbors someone would have said somethging" In the 1970s nobody said nothing and their was no child protection services and no curiosity about torchure and abuse. . .on and on endless repetition ad infinitum- i ready to see whats next.

[Kathyanita]

i forgot the have-a-nice-day smile face. . .as required by 20th century etiquette.

[ktp]

I have the same issues with "Mama" and "Daddy". I couldn't call my real parents that. It was Mother and Dad. the others made me cringe.

Weird to me still.

Take care all,
Kimberly.