Is emotional neglect abuse?

Our spouse is workaholic and has not been there for us in years. He does the bare essentials of things for us and gives all his passion and strength to his job and his church.

We moved to the spare bedroom due in part to this and the feeling of not being loved and he got VERY upset by this and railed on us for about 10 minutes or so and said if we don't like it here maybe we should just leave.

He opposes our T who has helped us stay alive and keep working on stuff and he calls her poison. He thinks we should be all over our past and that she is keeping us weak. He refused to go to counseling with us because "he has no real problems but us and our problems".

(((Pixies)))

YES it is abuse. That can hurt worse than being hit.
If he is loyal to his church, what does is church think about the coldness he displays?
We are sorry we sound harsh....protectors are about.

i don't know multipixie... only you can really judge that... it sounds lonely, painful and a sad place to be... but is it abuse? i don't know. i think perhaps the better questions to ask are more about why it isn't ok to leave if you feel so neglected that you question it as abuse.... That isn't a judgement, truly it isn't... i'm just thinking that maybe whether it is or isn't won't fix it or heal it or make it ok. If you are in pain then find a way to remove yourself from it. i am one who believes that being able to label or name things matters, and so i understand that desire.. but the more immediate need is to remove yourself from the ongoing issue and build yourself a life that feels safe and content - as much as is possible.

Maybe you can give yourself permission to just want something better in life than what you currently have... it's ok to want love and affection and respect and understanding.

if 100 people answered and all said "yes" - what would that mean for you?

What if they all said "no?"

find out what that label or reason means to you and maybe that will answer a lot for you

i wish you peace MP... you've had more than your share of sadness

Hello:

I am new to this board and my issue is with my husband's abuse of me over many years. An incident happened the other day that has me in shock and I would like to share it with you in the hope of getting some feedback.

I have been ill with bronchitis/laryngitis/flu for over a month now. Last week I had episodes where I stopped breathing altogether (complete shut down), for what seemed like minutes, but was probably seconds. It was a terrifying experience. When my husband got back from a business trip, I told him about these attacks and that the day before, they had been awful/severe. I asked him to please stay with me. He just left. The next day I got a lung doctor appointment. My hb drove me there, and in the car I had this attack over and over again. He completely ignored what was happening to me, and instead of dropping me off at the doctor's, he circled the block (no good reason for that) several times. Finally, I got into the Urgent Care Center and saw the doctor who confirmed that YES, I was ill and YES, I stopped breathing and after seconds was gasping for air ... for minutes. He witnessed it. I am on very heavy-duty medications. My husband made light of it .. he said you are breathing now ... and he was so angry with me. He is making me crazy. Is this abuse.
Please answer my post ... I am so scared!

There is a London based charity called Kids Co and their founder has done much research on brain function and the effect of emotional neglect on developing children's brains. She asserts with passion that neglect is much worse than abuse in terms of how the victim is left to cope with life afterwards as neglect stops certain areas of the brain developing that stops the victim from being able to function on a social level in society and is therefore left 'brain disabled'. Abuse is terrible but it does not stop social development of the brain.

So, I'd see your situation as worse than abuse, especially if there are children concerned.

It is not all doom and gloom though. The brain can still be developed if the victim is shown love and attention and their emotional needs are fully addressed but it is a long process.
I'd suggest you do what is right for the children, if there are children involved.

Emotional neglect is considered abuse in children, and can in fact kill them. I was married to a man like your husband. It felt like he was killing me. You are living with a stone when you need water. You need to decide where and how you will get the water you need.

I agree with pom

Emotional neglect is abusive behaviour, in my opinion.

I'm sorry.

Ann
we are so sorry to hear how you were treated. We understand & can relate to that.
When you are at a low point its as though others feel they can kick you and it's all right.
We like what you said Pom. It isn't easy though.

Ann, Your husband's behavior sounds awful and it is wrong to delay someone from getting help when they can't breathe. He sounds like a bully to me. You may need to find a way to be sure you can help if you can't breathe. Some people are so indifferent to other's suffering that they will not help. That is just wrong!

Thank you all for your replies. If I had the resources I would probably separate from my spouse until we could work things out. I am partially disabled and can't work and so that keeps me stuck financially.

I do not know what to do just now. I will see my T later on today. My spouse told me not to go back to her, that she is poison and is keeping me stuck in my past. It got very soap opera-ish here yesterday and he is trying to use anything he can to control me. He has gone from passively ignoring me to lecturing/scolding me. It is kinda freaking me out. He doesn't think I have D.I.D. and that I just need to get over it all and move on. "You can lead a person to information, but you can't make them think"!

I think that when I posted my original comment I was seeking comfort more than actual information. I have a hard time asking for what I need or want. I really already know that no matter what you call it, neglect is harmful to anyone who experiences it.

Sending you all the comfort we can. (((Pixies)))