[3jane]

Hi. I'm new here, so I'll give a little bit of history before I ask my question. (Nothing triggering, though, I don't think.) I was raped repeatedly when I was 13, and then from ages 16-20 I lived with a much older boyfriend who was emotionally and sexually abusive. I had tucked that part of myself away (with varying degrees of success) until last summer, when I decided to start dealing with it in therapy. In the middle of processing it all, my therapist upped and left me to go do a volunteering stint counseling HIV+ women in Africa. I've tried a couple of therapists since then, but neither of them have been helpful.

Since I started dealing with the abuse in therapy, not a day goes by where I don't have flashbacks to my ex-boyfriend. And it's getting worse. Over the last few days I've started to have nanosecond-long moments where I think my sweet, loving husband is actually my evil ex. It was triggered by me taking some painkillers that messed with my head (thank you GP for not knowing that Tramadol does that) but I stopped taking it three days ago and am still having the flashes. I don't know how to deal with it. It's freaking me out. So what do I do about it? I start Medicare on April 1, and I'm trying to line up a psychologist I can start seeing then. In the meanwhile I'm going to see if my counselor at my college's Counseling Center can give me any ideas.

Thanks for any advice you can give. I really need help.

[sharon123]

Uhtil you can line up a psychologist, you might contact RAINN (rape crisis) and I think you can find it on the internet. You could also call a domestic violence hotline; they might be able to help you, also.

Hugs, Alice

[AShadow721]

I don't know if you could really call that guy an "ex-boyfriend", if he was much older and you started dating and living with him at 16. It just sounds like he was a predator in the first place in my mind.

Anyway, I have flashbacks even when my 1 year old son touches me on accident. I found filling out a PTSD response worksheet right after a flashback or panic attack somewhat helpful. You can find one online. I only did it a few times so far, but it helps you realize why you were triggered and what you were thinking was happening. Like when my son accidentally touch my rear with his foot when he was laying down next to me, I was not in danger. I was in a safe, okay, accidental situation, but I was triggered to a memory of a past dangerous situation. These worksheet will also help you realize that you are usually not in any real danger when you have a flashback or panic attack.

You can also go to therapy at a center that accepts sliding scale fee or a non-profit organization, like Call Rape.