[RACEKA]

Does anyone remember reinacting their abuse by abusing themselves as a child? or Have they heard of this?

I did this when I was a young child. I would do stuff to myself that was done to me. Then I didn't know it was abuse, I thought it was something I deserved. For example: I was given cold enigmas. On my own I would lay on the cement floor naked to make myself cold.

Now, I wake up in the middle of the night shivering cold. It only lasts for a minute. I think they are body memories.

I'm planning on telling T about this tomorrow.

I was just wondering if you think this is really abnormal? I need some support in this. I'm afraid to tell.

Thanks.

[sharon123]

By all means, tell your therapist...I don't think it is abnormal.....it would be
"normal" to be a body memory. I am so sorry this was done to you. Please don't be afraid to tell...that is what the t is there for ...let us know.

Sharon

(((((((((((((((raceka)))))))))))))))

Yes, I have re-enacted the abuse, both as a child and later as an adult

I'm glad you are going to talk to T about it.

Yes, sorry you were subjected to abuse. Hope you can find peace and healing.

[Typo]

I too renacted the abuse as a child, it isn't by any means abnormal, it is what we do to process the pain and confusion we are feeling, we don't know how else to cope and manage, so we do what we can to surivive adn process as we are capable. You are not alone in this.

I would most deifntly say what you are experincing is a body memories, please do tell your T about it, so they can help you learn grounding skills and ways to cope with the emotions and memories they bring up

Many peaceful thoughts to you
Typo

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((RACEKA))))

I have also done this. It is not easy to talk about but it is all we knew. Even now, we find our selves at times doing this.

dps

[Psyched]

Yes, I learned in therapy that we gravitate towards what we know b/c it's familiar, & well, all we know. And I learned that we will seek out situations or relationships much like our abuse & abusers, in an attempt to finally be the one's in control. I hope that makes sense. It does seem very strange that people would do this until you really think about it, & realize how "normal" the behavior is, when it seemed so crazy before we understood it.

[jahrderglad]

I don't think it's that abnormal. I did things like that as a kid, too (hitting myself, primarily), and my mom would always laugh at me when she caught me, which I didn't understand at all, because I thought that my experiencing physical pain/discomfort was something she wanted. I self-injured for a short time after I left my mom, because I was so used to physical pain that I didn't know what to do with myself now that there was no one regularly inflicting it upon me. I stopped, thankfully, but now I sorta do the same thing emotionally (I have a terribly nasty inner monologue), which I'm trying to work on. But yeah, you're definitely not alone or weird in feeling like this.

There's a great article by Elizabeth Howell that really helped me to understand these behaviours in myself. I found it really eye-opening. Click here and it'll download as a pdf (I couldn't find it in an html format, sorry ). I hope this helps!

How did the session go, RACEKA?

[RACEKA]

I told T on Saturday. I couldn't look at him. He was glad I told him and said I must really trust him to tell him this. He also said it was normal. He wanted to do the empty chair, but I told him I couldn't do it. I just can't face her yet. He was ok with that. I've felt out of it for a few days, very tired. That was hard.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((RACEKA))))

I was thinking about you and hoping you are doing okay. I am proud of you for sharing with your t. I know it was hard for when I first told someone I felt so dirty and alone with it. I had no idea it was something that happens but it did make sense once I talked about it. In time you will be able to do the empty chair. Hang in there and know you are not alone. We care and are here for you. Please keep posting and letting us know how you are doing. If you ever need someone to talk to or to just listen know I am here and only a PM away. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[RACEKA]

Thank you everyone for your support.

Good for you, RACEKA. Yes, therapy can be exhausting. You did a very courageous thing.

Pax vobiscum.

[Bill3]

Good job RACEKA. That must have been very hard to do.