[strangebrew]

Hello, I don't know if this is the right category to post this in, as I am a recently recovering alcoholic, have major depression, but I believe most of my problems stem from an unscruplulous therapist. Sorry if it is too long a post, I am new here, and don't really know what is an acceptable length for a post. I am a man, 50 yrs old now, living in UK. 7 years ago, my wife of 25 years divorced me, and I fell to pieces, began drinking alcoholically, was off sick from work for a year and ended up in a mental hospital. There I met a lady social services therapist who counselled me over the loss of my wife and my drinking. She sent me to a rehab 200 miles away for 7 weeks, then I stayed in a 'safe house' there for 3 months. While in the safe house, she began writing to me privately, not as my therapist. I knew it was wrong, I was myself a professionaly qualified social worker for 18 years, but being so lonely and still very depressed and vulnerable in very early alcohol recovery, I responded. Even though she was no longer my therapist, it broke every UK code of practice ever written. Our letters became gradually more intimate, and I moved out the house back to my home town, bought a home there on a mortgage, and began an affair with the ex therapist. She was, and still is married with two children, but continually said she did not love her husband, and would find a way to leave him once she sorted out the practicalities, and marry me. It was not an 'affair' she said, it was real love. I trusted her totally, she was the only professional who gave me any real hope that I could get well and be happy again, and as my therapist, she knew EVERYTHING about me, even things I never told my wife. And I loved her immensely, insanely after what then happened, I still do, 6 years on. It became harder and harder to see her for only a couple of hours, then watch her drive away back to her husband. She constantly claimed she had no intimacy with her husband, but I am a very jealous man, and it became unbearable knowing she was with him every night. But I got well, regained my job, even got promoted, and was about to undertake an MA course in Advanced Social Work. I was completely sober for a year, and felt some hope after feeling the world had ended. After the black hole I was in, it seemed like a miracle had happened. A year on, a bomshell exploded - I accidentally discovered she had also been having an affair , for EIGHT years, with yet another man, at the same time as with me. I spoke with him on the phone and we were both devastated. She had told him she would marry HIM, too. So after a year of being well, I relapsed very badly. The facts of our relationship came out, and we were both suspended from duty pending a 3 month inquiry. She resigned from her job before her displinary hearing, I had to go through with mine as I had my mortgage to pay and really needed and enjoyed my job (I worked as a manager of a social services day centre for adults with learning disabilities).. I was dismissed for 'risking putting social services into disrepute', despite the fact fact that in UK it is the THERAPIST'S not the client's or ex client's responsibility to ensure that appropriate boundaries are maintained. Then unemployed and very ill again, I was unable to pay my mortgage and ended up 2 years ago having to sell my home and move hundreds of miles away from her and all my family, to a place where housing is literally half the price of where I formerly lived. She is doing fine, she still has private clients both for alcohol and sex/relationships problems, she charges them £50 UK per hour. Meanwhile I am having to exist on £74 (about 129 US dollars) per week state incapacity benefit, total poverty, and I cannot get work because of my reference always mentioning that I was dismissed, Unbelievably, perhaps, the affair continued for years via e-mail, cell phone messages etc, with her still promising one day she will find a way to marry me. I have heard nothing from her for several months now. Since moving here here I am totally alone, I know nobody here, and I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals and alcohol rehabs so many times that I have lost count. I somehow eventually came to some kind of terms with losing my wife, but I cannot get over this woman therapist. I think about her 24 hours a day and it is literally driving me mad. Sometimes I cry for hours and feel I still love her and want her desperately, other times I feel angry and consider reporting her to the professional organisations she still belongs to (all of which have strict codes of wethical practice which disallow any personal/sexual relationship with any client or ex client), as the chances are she is doing the same thing with other vulnerable clients/ex clients. But I cannot do it, as I I am so so torn between love (if that it what it is) and anger, and also I am afraid to do so as I hear so many stories of how clients who complain of abuse are so often not believed, especially perhaps men who claim to have been abused by women therapists (the general belief is that it is usually male therapists who abuse female clients, which is probably true, but it DOES happen the other way around, more often than many realise). I am afraid to open a new 'can of worms' so to speak, and make things even worse for myself, but at the same time I need some 'closure' to all of this. I have tried moving on from it all for years now, and I just cannot seem to do it. despite more therapy. It affects my life 24 hours a day, emotionally, financially, and in every way. Thank you for listening, again I am sorry if my post is too long. P,S. Is it acceptable here to 'cross-post', that is, to the alcohol substance abuse category. I will not do so unless someone can confirm that it is OK.

[kimmydawn]

i'm so sorry for what has happened to you. you were a VICTIM here, plain a simple. despite your training, you were the client and she should've maintained professional ethics. she did not. she shows a pattern and has a history of this. she will do this again.

for your own healing and closure, i think you should report her and deal with the fact that you were hurt by her in therapy. i would make sure that i had a therapist when i did this is you're going to need emotional support.

i hope alot for you right now. i'm sending healing wishes your way. i'm sending you strength to do what you need to do to feel better about this.

be safe and keep in touch.

kd

[wisewoman]

Hi and welcome. I would report her to all professional groups available and hope that you saved some letters, old bills from when she was your therapist etc. She seems to have serious problems and you were victimized by her and her problems. It often feels better for me when I am feeling powerless to Just do something. Maybe a letter writing campaign is what is in order. I also would question if there was a way to meet with certifying boards and explain that YOU were the victim here. You should not have lost your job. I am sorry for all of this. And by the way, I think I have held the title of the longest post but you can certainly have that title. It's hard to explain such big things in few words. Peace

[(JD)]

WOW just reading the subject line is tough for me ; I can't imagine! TC

[Gemstone]

(((((( Strangebrew ))))))) I am sorry that happened to you. I agree you should report her. You don't want this to happen to someone else.