[BrokenNBeautiful]

I made a promise to my T that I would not have any more s*x with my husband until I was healed from the abuse.

My husband understands this and will give me all the time I need.

The reason is I am SO TIRED OF FEELING BAD AFTER SEX!!!!!!

Every time I do it, I re-live the effing abuse that happened to me all my life.

I still confuse s*x (in itself) with abuse! I still feel like my body and mind are being controlled!

I hate it!

And now I have to not hear the radio or the tv while sleeping because certain songs/voices TRIGGER me!

But I ca't sleep without some kind of background noise.

Silence freaks me out too.

I don't sleep at night cause I am either freaked out about having my husband there, or I want him so badly.

And I don't sleep because the radio/tv is no longer soothing. It triggers me. Certain commercials and songs.

When will I live my life like a normal, healthy, s*xual being?!

ARRRRGGGG....!

Billi

[NuckingFutz]

Well, I know you are working with your T on your CSA. There is no magic timeframe. It depends on a lot of personal circumstances. I believe at a certain point, you may feel well enough emotionally have s*x and enjoy it before you have completely worked through everything.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thank you Nuckingfutz.

I listened to my cd all night, with ocean sounds. The only drawback was I had to keep clicking my remote every hour cause I don't know how to program it continuously. But I wasn't triggered.

Billi

[NuckingFutz]

My alarm clock has soothing sounds (ocean, waterfall, rain, wind, jungle). Wish I could give it to you. Hope you are having better days. Keep posting.

Hope you get this worked through soon, billi_leli.

Good luck.

[BrokenNBeautiful]

thank you guys.

I will post my progress here on a new thread.

Billi