I hate mother's day

Rainthatfalls · May 09, 2013, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

And I also have sadness.

Sadness for all of the mother/daugher events I never got to participate in. Sadness about never being held or told "I love you."

Sadness that I will never know what it's like to have a mother or feel a mother's love. Sadness that there are no good times to remember. Sadness that there is no one to call when I want to cry, or talk, or just have someone listen on the other end of the phone. Sadness in watching other girls/women with their mothers. Sadness when I see Mother's Day commercials on TV. Sadness when my professor came in today and passed around the card she bought for her mom, and then all of the other girls in the class started talking about what they bought for their moms and what their plans for mother's day were. (Anger that it never occurred to any of them that there might be someone in the room that this discussion was hurting).

I know right?! Just today, I was talking with a friend of mine about going over to her house after school tomorrow, and I told her my dad couldn't take me to her place. She asked me why my mom couldn't just take me. I didn't know what else to say other than, "She's really busy."

I really wish I had a normal mother. The mothers of my friends are all ridiculously nice, and I have no problem seeing my friends crying in their arms over a mini-tragedy or going to them for advice. The thought of me doing that makes me want to laugh because of how ridiculous it sounds. Over lunch a few weeks ago, my friends were talking about how their mothers used to read them bedtime stories. I figured that never happened, you know. I always read my own books before going to bed when I was little. I thought it was just something they show in the movies and all.

I have no clue what I'm supposed to do for Mother's day. We'll have to get her a present and all that, but then she'll cry on us for hours and make sure we know what horrible daughters we are.

Tamster · May 09, 2013, 10:40 PM

Goog,,,

I have not visited my mother for 27 years at the least due to abuse. This year I am going because my grandchildren want me to go with them. I will do anything for them so I will put the pain aside and in my words suck it up and be civil. LOL look out for tamster sightings in the sky.

Lauru · May 09, 2013, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by googley

If you are just going to tell me how wonderful mother's day is and how thankful for my mom I should be please just don't read this post.

I hate mother's day. I hate the day when society says we have to love our mothers and be happy about them. But she is the one who abused me. I hate feeling like I have to call her and talk to her as much as she wants to. I hate talking to her at any time. Much less because some societal holiday says I have to. Does anyone else have trouble with mother's day? I just don't want to talk to her at all. She makes me feel guilty. I'm tired of emotionally supporting her. From when I was little. Why can't I ever get a break to be able to take care of myself. Why doesn't someone else take over, like my dad? Isn't it his job? Why is it my job? Why has it always been my job? I don't want to have to take care of her any more. I want someone to take care of me. Why don't I deserve to be taken care of?

Oh Googley, you don;t have to celebrate mother;s day, it sounds like she was no mother to you. I feel the same about father's day, as he was my abuser. Although my mother didn't stop it,, so eh, I don't know for me. But you, you do NOT have to support your mother in any way and don't let anyone give you crap for it. Sending you safe hugs if that;s ok.

Lauru · May 09, 2013, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by volatile

it doesn't matter what I get her she still looks at me disappointed and complains about it. I appreciate her but she doesn't seem to appreciate me or anyone else. last year was bad. My father got her something really nice but when she opened it her face fell and she started throwing a guilt trip at him for getting her something she didn't want. I ended up telling her off. she's like that on her birthday, on anniversaries, Christmas. I hate buying her gifts.

Sadly, I know I love my mother way more than she would or could ever love me. She is just not made that way. And I just take it. Because I already never had a father as he was the abuser, I just can;t take it if I don't have a mother too. But I guess in reality, whether I have one or not is not entirely up to me.

BrokenNBeautiful · May 09, 2013, 11:31 PM

I am glad I don't have anyone, anymore to do Mothers Day with. My aunt expected me to spoil her every Mother's Day. She was not even my mother, but since my mother was dead and she was takign care of me, she expected me to treat her like a "Mother".

I don't celebrate her birthday anymore either.

I honor my dead mother now (died in 1976) because although she could not take care of me, at least she loved me.

No, we don't deserve to do Mothers Day with "mothers" who don't act like good mothers.

I celebrate the day I found PC, Ani, and all the other ones who "mothered" me, instead.

I can choose my family now.

Carol

doyoutrustme · May 10, 2013, 05:08 PM

I have guilt being thrown at me full force with impending mothers day.

This is the first mother's day that my eyes have are opened to the fact that I don't owe her anything. She doesn't even want to spend time with me, just wants to be able to brag to her friends about what her kids did for mother's day.

This article was very validating for me, if anyone wants a good read.

Mother's Day and Borderline Personality Disorder: When Mom's an Emotional Terrorist - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com

wadingthruemotions · May 10, 2013, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by googley

*********Major Trigger Warning**********

Byz-
You want to know what I learned from my mother? I learned that I'm worthless and no one will ever love me. I learned that my needs don't matter and that I don't matter. I learned that if people love you they hurt you. And that no one really cares. And last but not least, that my mom wishes I would kill myself.

And if even my mom can't love me, then who will ever be able to?

Now I've spent years and an inordinate amount of money trying to unlearn these lessons in T. Any other little lessons I've learned pale in comparison to the hurt she has caused. 22 years of abuse left these messages ingrained in a way that I don't even notice them when they come up. So no I don't have any good messages I learned from my mom. As I am assuming that is what you were fishing for. I don't have any kids and I don't plan on ever having any. So I can't answer that part of your question. But you asked, so you got the answer. I found your post discourteous given my request at the top of the thread. We do have real reasons to find mother's day hard!

I feel for you. I too learned, not just from the mother and the grandmother but the aunt as well, all three on the same side of the family...that I am worth nothing to anyone but them. And I am only worth what I can do for them. I lived the first 22 years of my existence in their shadow, fighting to survive the abuse, the mental anguish, the torture, the utter destruction of my childhood and soul. I spent the next 16 years fighting not to be like them only to fear that I may have ended up just a bit too much like them or close for my taste.

They are no longer living and I am not sorry for that. I spend the day to my self, with myself and that is how it will be.

I also learned that not everyone should have kids. That's right I said that. Not everyone should have them. I never wanted kids due to the way my life went and the way I feared I would rear someone else. Now due to the last year i cannot have any at all ever and I don't feel bad or sad about that.

To those that like the day, go ahead I am not stopping you and am glad you have something to enjoy I really am. But I agree here do not tell me to enjoy it, make peace with this ***** because that is impossible.

wadingthruemotions · May 11, 2013, 08:56 AM

Wow just realized I was way negative on my previous post. Sorry for going there.

Yea that day sucks so just doing my own thing hopefully, nothing.

livefast3315 · 01:03 PM

Absolutely, I know the feelings of frustration but I'm past them now. Best to live and let live. When you stop looking for love and support from abusers it lifts a burden off of you. I have found I am much happier just doing my own thing and not paying attention to societies celebrations and religious celebrations anymore my family choses to celebrate and forced upon me. By personal choice to just do my own thing it helps me feel a lot better because my mother is an untreated paranoid schizophrenic and doesn't appreciate anything anyway. This year I didn't see my mother or grandmother on their birthday and I also won't be celebrating mothers day at all this year. I'm tired of them all.

I've noticed as well that these old consumerist traditions in mainstream society such as mothers day, valentines day and fathers day etc. just encourage gender roles and are consumerist exploitation - which I'm not interested in supporting either. If you don't want to be a part you don't have to be. A little off topic but just putting that out there.

I'm not being made to feel guilty because I chose from my own personal experience for many reasons not to celebrate this rubbish anymore. They just belittle my efforts anyway and don't appreciate anything. Not wasting time on this stuff anymore. I'm now discovering there are lots of people out there who don't celebrate this stuff anyway and I am not alone because circumstances were out of my control as a child. I'm in control now.

yellowted · May 11, 2013, 01:12 PM

whenever there is a celebration like mothers day or christmas i take the money i would have spent on my family and put it into a bank account, then when it is my birthday or christmas i use the money to treat myself. i cut all ties with my family years ago so know i will not get anything from them and although they still expect things from me they know i will not be in touch so they will get nothing.
i hate the way people expect you to be going home or getting your family gifts on celebration days, where i see celebration days as ones for me to celebrate escaping/surviving family clutches.
i donot feel guilty anymore and when asked about my family i usually say i have none because as far as i am concerned they are all dead to me.

trdleblue · May 11, 2013, 01:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by yellowted

whenever there is a celebration like mothers day or christmas i take the money i would have spent on my family and put it into a bank account, then when it is my birthday or christmas i use the money to treat myself.

I really like this idea.

BrokenNBeautiful · May 11, 2013, 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wadingthruemotions

Wow just realized I was way negative on my previous post. Sorry for going there.

Yea that day sucks so just doing my own thing hopefully, nothing.

I am glad you are doing your own thing. Good for you.

I don't th ink you were being negative.

Mother's Day is hard for me too.

Carol

nicoleflynn · May 11, 2013, 09:39 PM

I totally understand it. I had an abusive mother (verbally and physically) and no father. I made a vow that when I had children (I have 2) that I would be nothing like my mother, and in doing so, I became the parent I always wanted to have....and nurtured myself.

I kept my vow and my 2 children are wonderful.

I think it is too bad that you don't want children for the reason you stated. You are aware of abuse and am sure would never abuse a child of yours. Your past doesn't have to affect your future. YOU get to choose who you are. I think there is a HUGE market for UNhappy Mothers Day cards, LOL, LOL

Hallmark just hasn't tapped into that yet.

r

Quote:

Originally Posted by meliboo

I completely agree. Mother's Day is the hardest day of the year for me. I will not honor my mother - she abused me emotionally, mentally and physically...behind closed doors. It wasn't until 2 months ago that I realized she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They are impossible and if you know of one - RUNNNNN!!! If I get a call that she is dying I will not go, I will not go to her funeral either. I will see her buried in the graveyard unable to hurt me ever again.

I hate MOther's Day because it assumes that Mother's by the sheer fact they bore you, automatically deserve to be honored. This is so wrong on so many levels. It causes confusion for those of us who made the hard choice to not let an abuser back into our lives. I will not forgive her either. Abusers should not be forgiven. Never. Screw the idea that you need to forgive to have closure. My closure happened when I decided never to see her f'ing face again. I will always have anger towards her...and forgiving her will not help. It's impossible. The idea that forgiveness is more for you rather than the other person is ********. If one chooses to move on that is ok, but to expect me to ever forgive the person who brought me into the world only to abuse me - hell no. Throughout my day to day I don't operate on an angry level, but when I think about that horrible person who gave birth to me...I do. Which is why I slammed the freaking door in her face...metaphorically.

So for mother's day...I don't have kids, mainly because I don't think I am capable of raising them properly since this horrible person with Narcissistic Personality disorder gave me my tool shed so to speak...I think i will just drink some wine and make some art on Sunday...and be happy that I don't have to ever see her face again for the rest of my life. yep.

May 12, 2013, 12:43 PM

I hate this day.. Too sad, and too many mixed up feeings

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I hate mother's day

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