[kimmydawn]

my mother. oh, where to start? she's emotionally manipulative and mean. she's so extremely self-centered and cruel when she doesn't get the attention that she feels is her birthright. that would mean 24 hour availability to her, allowing her to treat me in any fashion she chooses, continually bringing up her drama queen role in the past, and always hurting and trying to control me.

well, a few months ago, i quit speaking to her. however, because i'm raising my nephew, her grandson we simply had to speak from time to time about her visits. at first my husband and daughter were doing ALL the go-between contact and tired of it quickly. there came the time when no one was here and she was coming to get him. anyhow, since then i've had to speak with her twice a week. i've limited it to discussion about the baby. she hasn't liked any of this. she's done everything about the schedule with the baby to get me on the phone and talking to her more.

i called her tues to make sure she was getting the baby. she didn't know...blah, blah, blah. i said, "mom, i really need for you to. i've not been doing well and count on my alone time." she didn't get him, and i didn't go into how she wasn't feeling well, or how i wasn't feeling well. i just don't go there anymore.

anyhow, last nite i called her to see if she was getting the baby today. she said as far as she knew she was. then she said, "are you feeling any better?" i said, "no, not really. it's been rough." she said, "yeah, i can imagine. it's rough for everyone." i said, "well, it was getting better, but then i lost my father (he's passed away just under 3 months ago). they were divorced." she said, "i didn't know you had a father." i said, "what?" she said, "i said, i didn't know you had a father." slowly and deliberately. God, that's messed me up! is she denying his existence? is she denying mine? i just don't understand. i know it was meant to be cruel, but just like when i was younger, i don't understand this cruelty.

thanks for listening. ugh

kd

[silver_queen]

(((((((((((((((((((( Kimmy ))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry your mother said that to you. Telling you you didin't have a father would mess with anybody's head. Perhaps she meant that he just wasn't there for you? I don't know. In any case, I hope you can heal quickly from this shock... and that you can continue to keep her at a distance.

[shadowdancer]

ick. she sounds like a pain. and rather familiar... are you sure we aren't related? seriously though, kd, i'm sorry that your mother is being manipulative. her cruel barbs about your father were totally out of line. i hope that she will back off and just limit her conversation to your nephew as you have asked her although she seems to have issues with boundaries. you're doing the only thing that i can think to do though, which is set the boundaries by limiting contact and conversation, i just wish she weren't trying to push the issue.

(((((((((((((((kd)))))))))))))))

i am wishing happier times for you in the future. if you ever wanna talk, feel free to PM me.

-shadow

[__zh]

In shock!

Kimmy.........do what you have to for YOUR safety first and little man's safety secondly.

Apologies if this isn't appropriate but our vision is your lighthouse light blinding your mother into a fall over a cliff.

(((kd))) Sorry you have to put up with this biological burden that happened to give birth to you.

Kimmy,

*** hugs*** to you. So sorry you're mother is like that. I can so relate-- and understand the pain.

Please take care and give yourself some extra love today.

Mandy

((((((((((((Kimmy)))))))))))
I'm sorry you have your mother so close and can't get away. Take care of yourself cause the baby needs you and you love him and you would never treat him like your mother treats you. I'm glad he has you for a mother.
Love, Vicki

I'm so sorry.

Your mother's illness is such a cross to bear, Kimmy.

I hope you can find some peace with it.

If I can somehow help lighten the load...

Petunia

[BlueFaith]

(((((((Kimmy)))))))) I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My mom is deliberately mean to me sometimes too. Neither one of us deserve it. I wish I could do something to help you.

-Jen-

[Gemstone]

(((((((Kimmy)))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((((((kimmy))))))))))))))))))))))

Oh Kimmy

(((((((((kimmydawn))))))))

Have a variation of this in my own family too.

Caroline

[kimmydawn]

thank you so much ((((((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))))))))

my daughter dropped the baby off to her this morning and she even got my daughter involved and tried to enlist her support. she asked, "why does your mother hate me?" daughter said that i didn't. and she said, "she's trying to blame me for everything bad in her childhood." then asked her to stay the nite with her tomorrow! now, this from a woman who doesn't even call her on her birthday! she spends no time with her! she beats all i've ever seen in a movie!

ugh! i had to call t today. i was so angry that it scared me. she ain't messing with my kid! jess wasn't raised with that and she doesn't have the skills to deal with her crap. we talked. i'm somewhat calmer with a plan that he approves of, so now i just have to follow thru and try to heal...once again.

thank you so much again,

kd

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((((((((( Kimmy ))))))))))))))))))))

I'm glad you called t and kept yourself safe. That was a good move. I don't think you need to worry about your daughter too much since she should be able to see how manipulative your mother is being, but still it must make you angry. But at least you don't have to stoop to such behaviour to try to win and reject affection.

[wisewoman]

Kimmy, I don't think that I am such an oddball. I take kids to play with every chance I can. There must be others like that? A surrogate aunt who could slowly develop a relationship and start taking baby overnight sometimes. Also, just my opinion but I think calling your mother to see if she is picking up the kiddo is giving your power away. I also would suspect her of emotionally messing with the poor little guy. All of that said, you have custody, if she calls and says she wants to see him fine but don't call her. Is there a church you are involved with? If not it doesn't matter, pick a church or churches and have the clergy announce that there is a little guy in need of an Aunt and or Uncle, or grandma, and make sure he/she has people get back to him/her to give you names. Check them out, check out references and such. There may be a parent child center or other similar agency near you who could recruit the volunteer and do background checks.

I think that the thought of exposing my kids to The Mother is too much for me. They were not raised to understand that cruelty.

I wish you well and heck, I don't care if it's appropriate, can we get a gremlin to knock her down the stairs?

[Kalamity]

I can empathise with what you are experiencing. Sorry you have to have this kind of experience.

[vanna123]

I am sorry to hear of the pain you are going through. Mothers can really be a great influence in our lives and it sounds like you got the short end of the stick with the mother you received.
Just remember how great a mother you are despite what your
own mother did to you and who she is

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((((Kim)))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry. I think you are doing the right thing. I'm here and I hear you my friend.

[SweetSunshine]

Kimmy ~
I am sorry you are going thru all this also. I cant even imagine having a mother like that as mine was so loving to me.

Going along the lines of what Wisewoman said.... would you be able to get a court appointed liason( i think that is the term) to do the trasfering and arrangements for you between you and your mom?This way your family wont have to be involved.OR even a friend. I hate seeing her manipulate you guys like this. Its obsurd and just unjustifiable!I know you have to honor the granparents right too see the little man. Just trying to find a way that you dont have to handle the situation anymore than you already do. Maybe talk to your T about it and see if he knows the legal side of any of this. Just a though hon. I wish you peace and I will be thinking of you.

Safe Hugz~
Bethy

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Kimmy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry that your mother is like that, and that she hasn't changed although you have grown up and learned how to have healthy relationships with your children and other healthy people. Wouldn't it be nice if parents like that would learn from their children's examples?