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#1
Aug 15, 2005, 11:27 AM
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Hi--
I come into the forum almost everyday and read thru most of the posts and am really touched by all the love and concern shown to everyone here. There are many times I would like to respond but I don't know what to say. I used to be in a support group but finally left because I never knew what to say. When family and friends gather and have conversations I usually get left out because I don't know what to say. I don't have as much difficulty if it is something where I can offer some logical advice or information about something but to give support i am a failure. How do you know what to say and how do you learn to feel comfortable giving and receiving support, concern, care, love, wahtever? Even writing this post makes me feel stupid. why cause I don't know what to say without sounding stupid. I do read people's posts and I am a caring person it is just that I don't know what to say. |
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#2
Aug 15, 2005, 12:01 PM
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(((((((vanna))))))))
sometimes I don't know what to say either.
__________________
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#3
Aug 15, 2005, 01:59 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
vanna123 said: Hi-- I come into the forum almost everyday and read thru most of the posts and am really touched by all the love and concern shown to everyone here. There are many times I would like to respond but I don't know what to say. I used to be in a support group but finally left because I never knew what to say. When family and friends gather and have conversations I usually get left out because I don't know what to say. I don't have as much difficulty if it is something where I can offer some logical advice or information about something but to give support i am a failure. How do you know what to say and how do you learn to feel comfortable giving and receiving support, concern, care, love, wahtever? Even writing this post makes me feel stupid. why cause I don't know what to say without sounding stupid. I do read people's posts and I am a caring person it is just that I don't know what to say. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post">vanna123, Like Ozzie said for some it comes naturally as a gift of gab. For others it isn't natural and takes practice. It would seem normal to us that we all feel awkward at times when offering support....especially through this online medium when when do not really know the other person well or at all! That doesn't make the support any less sincere. We don't think you are a failure as you wrote when it comes to giving support. We'd guess that time and practice (seems like we're saying that a bunch lately) could help with becoming more comfortable giving and receiving support. These forums are a good place to practice. Reading what others write in response can give us ideas of how support is offered. There are many ways to offer support so keep an open mind to things that may feel silly or feel stupid. Often the littlest thing we might have written in passing can be the gem to another reader. Sometimes just saying the exact truth of "I don't know what to say but want to be supportive" can be perfect. Good post vanna123 as it can help us show different ways of support and let us talk about how many of us often don't know what to say and feel dorky with what we write. __zh raises hand as fellow dunno-what-to-say-and-feeling-dorky-about-it person!  kindly,
__________________
__zh |
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#4
Aug 15, 2005, 06:28 PM
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I guess there's no way to know, really, what the right thing is to say to any particular person in a particular circumstance. We are all different. If you know what would help you to hear if you were in that situation, that would probably be a good place to start. Some of the best things that people have said to me conveyed the messages "I understand, I accept you for who you are, I don't think you are bad for feeling or acting that way." And if you don't have anything to say, that's not a problem. You are welcome to just read if it helps, and we know that you belong here and are one of us because you have told us that you are here. Once in a while you might just put in a note to say that you are reading, and still here, or something like that. Whatever feels right to you is perfectly fine.
 I am glad to know that you are here, and that you can feel the love and support here. Just by doing that much you are helping to magnify those feelings.
__________________
“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg 
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#5
Aug 15, 2005, 07:45 PM
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Thank you everyone! it feels better not being alone.
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#6
Aug 16, 2005, 05:02 PM
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welcome to the forum, vanna
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
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