[jazzy123456]

So, what do you think.? /I think I am going to bring this note to my T at my next session and ask her to read it outloud to me...I talked to my mom about it, my best friend about it, and another one of my girlfriends...they all said the guy is a douchebag and I chose to avoid him...I told him I needed my space....and the CLOSEST people to me, don't like him, so, what can I do.??? but, what am I crazy!!!! how can I be so mad at him but, smile and laugh when he opens up chat with me for the first time? I told him I needed space! why would I laugh at this. I want my T to read this note outloud to me, normally, i think she would hate that, shes never done it, cuz, she rather me work through my own pain and read it myself but...I think I really need to hear what I've written out of someone elses mouth so I can soak it in... has it not hit me yet? this is it. here it goes? should i bring it to therapy......?

""So, what happened? Well actually, for the first time I had no hint of doubt that I was seriously verbally abused by him... to begin with. The situation started off bad. I was at a play at the theater with a friend and he wanted to come. I told him if he wanted to come he could come late, walk in late since he was still at the gym. I thought that would be okay. Apparently it wasn't, because he wanted to talk to me before he walked in the theater but, the moment he called the lights went off and the announcements came on, telling everyone to shut off there cell phone. So, I did. And when the play was over, I saw three missed calls by him and called him back. He began the conversation yelling at me, saying he "hated me"...that I was a stupid ***** or slut for not answering the phone. He mainly kept yelling that he hated me. I stood out like a sore thumb, because while everybody was talking casually and people were trying to conversate with me, he yelled. I just wanted to call him back in a few minutes but, no matter what I said about the lights going out in the theater and I had to turn off my cell phone, he still kept yelling, telling me not to hang up. I was extremley embarrassed. After a while, I finally hung up. Later on, I answered my phone again. He began complaining that he was outside and he demanded that I come out to see him. I kept telling him to come inside with everyone else, that I was still busy talking to people but, he kept telling me that I needed to come to the car deck immediatley. I was pissed by this point so I didn't come out immediatley, I came out after I felt I had talked to enough people. He was standing at the stairwell. After he expressed more anger towards me, he cooled off, and I told him that everyone was going to a restaurant after the play and that I had already said that I would be attending. He told me that he didn't like any of those people and that they were all fake...and talked crap about him. I told him I didn't have anything against them and planned on attending. He complained that he only wanted to hang out with me. We went and he sat near me upset, while I was enjoying myself, he kept telling me that he wanted to leave. After 20 minutes we left. This is where everything went downhill. See, my problem, is that the caring guy I once new had gone and I failed to realize this...this is why everything felt as if it kept spiraling out of control because, no matter what he said up to this point, for some reason, I still had the older version of him in my head, the kind, respectful one...So, when he said lets go...I didn't think anything of it. So when we arrived at the fast food place we finally began to open up about our relationship. I wanted to know why a guy who was suppose to be my friend couldn't keep his hands off of me anymore. I also spoke up for myself, telling him that he couldn't call me names anymore, that I wouldn't tolerate it. He said okay but, in my gut I knew he didn't care. After we talked I expressed what I would like in a man if I were to be in a relationship. And I was hurt when I heard his side...I felt uncomfortable at this point and wished I was at the restaurant, because all he could talk about was how he was ready to have sex or make out with me in his car. I don't know why the hell he ever bought me lunch or held my hand, if all he wanted was that out of me...it'd be different if I knew the guy for 2 or 3 weeks but, I knew this guy for two and a half years and that was his big testimony when I asked him what he thought about me...I felt horrible. wow. I did...but,...I went straight to my car door and I was about to stick the key in...and I sensed something strange; first, he was not on the passenger side of the car and second, I sensed, felt like there was a dark cloud above me, and all I knew was something bad was about to happen...I didn't know what. I just knew it wasn't going to be good. I was grabbed, against the car, my body was pulled in towards him, he grabbed my face and started kissing me, tounge and everything. I was too shocked to move, and he held my head in a way that wouldn't allow me to move anyway. I could only move the way his hands were directing me too. After it was over, he criticized my performance and when he did, it hit at something deeper in me. It reminded me of the girl who criticized my performance when I was very young...how she said I was doing it wrong ...(yeah a girl violated me, not a boy) and I began to spill out words in front of him, it was as if I was babbling and couldn't stop... technically, I wasn't even trying to talk to him, I was just babbling about all of my insecurities outloud...it became harder and harder to control it.. He just sat there, staring at me in disgust...and then, he stopped staring at me this way, and came closer to me, this time pulling me in softer, with less force, and this is when kissing became making out...Physically, I kept going. In my heart, I didn't want too. But, what put the icing on the cake was when we got back in the car. He said that he wanted us to go buy some alchohol and I asked why...and he said because we should have sex in your car. I was so angry at this point but, didn't say a word. I just drove him back to his own car so he could go home. "

I must be crazy for smiling when I saw his name pop up on chat? In fact, I laughed, what kind of reaction is that! for someone who was so fired up and angry about it today!?...even cried about it. I don't get me sometimes.

[Sannah]

I'm really glad that you are going to discuss this with your T. Maybe when you smiled you were remembering the earlier version of him? This guy has major problems and he is dangerous.

[JustAPixie]

He does sound like a heap of trouble... Rather be safe than sorry. Keep us posted on what happened in your session with T.