[jazzy123456]

I feel stupid for doing it. but, as soon as I was done I did feel better...I'm just nervous because, ONE, I don't know if I will have therapy on tuesday,...there has been a cancellation of three appointments already...all for different reasons, beyond my control...which means I havent been to therapy in over a month...so i'm hoping that life isn't a ***** this week and screws me over so I can't get to therapy,... and TWO, I'm nervous because I think I might have to talk about something that happened...8 years ago when i get to therapy...cuz i sent my T an email about it... and told her that I couldn't sleep...because I kept connecting a current event to a situation in my past...we made a trauma egg in therapy and I wrote it on there but, we never discussed it because she recommended that I put it away because I couldn't handle it and I was sooo emotional...but what happened was...8 years ago... i was in 7th grade and I hooked my best friend up with this boy, i gave her a makeover...and pretty much encouraged, planned the whole ordeal...she ended up being molested, physically abused as well, restraining order was put on the guy and Ikinda, naturally took all the blame for it... thats the way to make a long story short...i'm afraid my T will just condemn me and say it was all of my fault... the recent event feels sooo similar to what happened currently...and it triggered me to remember this event from my past, only because...i kinda sorta feel like the script was flipped and now what happened to her, somewhat happened to me but could have been worse...but, i also feel like its all my fault and that I'm making too much of a big deal out of the current event, the fact that my guy best friend made out with me...its not like i pushed him away but, its not like he asked me either or or I had a choice...i'm not as mad at that as I am about the fact that he mentioned that we should go drinking, so we could have sex in my car... i think thats disrespectful because hes degrading me down to some ***** or something... ok, my first time having sex is not going to be outside of a fast food place in my car! asshole. damn. thats what i am pissed about. i feel wrong for being pissed about it. i just broke tonight though, because I felt ignored, like no one cared about my pain...my therapist wont respond to my last email and two of my older lady friends wouldn't call me back...its like i had no one to turn too, except family and I honestly could...but, its harder for me...i like for my family to see my good qualities...not all this crap...really, i just felt like breaking something when i did it...punching something, like anger was overflowing inside of me and i had to find some place to take it out on..so i took it out on my body
ahh vent over.

[anderson]

((((jazzy))))
first were you able to take care of the cut by putting first aid cream or any type of cream that will help prevent infection. Please take care of it and no you are not the only one that cuts when feeling are beyond our control.
~
being angry is natural, it is the by product of feeling helpless and not in control of the situaltion. I am over forty years old and my first reaction to this type of stress is to cut. now we hold our wrist between our legs and cry the when we feel calm enough we grab something soft and knock the crap out of it.
~
We hope you do get to your T but please keep posting here by letting it out hopefull it will take some of the pressure off from it. Please do not thank that you are alone with this many of us that are survivers of abuse first recation is to cut.
~
just know that I hear you and hope that you can find help in the real world.

[phoenix7]

im sorry you hurt youraself - i hope your T can help you - im sure they can - next time you get the urge why not come here and go into chat and distract yourself that way - or play the games here - or post - or read the threads about reasons not to in the self injury boarda t the top

please be safe

oh and what happened to your friend wasnt your fault - it was the abusers fault - youprobably dont agree wiht me - but time wil tel you that im right

[SUNNY2009]

Please know you are not alone. I hope you are feeling better and that you continue to reach out for help, and for someone here to talk to. I hope that this can be a good place for you to release the bad feelings that make you feel what you are feeling.

[jazzy123456]

After a month and a half I finally had a session this week. Crazy thing is, my therapist threatened to tell someone of authority about the fact that I cut my stomach...that is, until I told her I wouldn't ever do it again as long as I am her client...I thought therapists were somewhat used to hearing stuff like that; I didn't want her to get worried to that extent, where she would think I am in true danger...I mean, I've hurt myself before, but I always know my limits and I don't cross them...I wonder if she knew EXACTLY how bad the cuts were if she would react...they weren't deep enough to cause serious damage...they were just on the surface of my skin...like if someone cut themselves from shaving...but, she said, it doesn't matter how I did it or how much...all that matters is that I did do it. I thought someone might know about therapists reactions to this. I asked her what other therapists do in this same situation and she said she didn't know. It makes me wonder how many clients shes worked with who have self-injured...thats not my primary concern at all, for being in therapy, but, it makes me wonder. I feel bad for upsetting her.!!!! please don't make me feel too guilty by your responses!

[jazzy123456]

Originally Posted by anderson

((((jazzy))))
first were you able to take care of the cut by putting first aid cream or any type of cream that will help prevent infection. Please take care of it and no you are not the only one that cuts when feeling are beyond our control..

No, I didn't but its healing better on its own.
~

Originally Posted by anderson

being angry is natural, it is the by product of feeling helpless and not in control of the situaltion. I am over forty years old and my first reaction to this type of stress is to cut. now we hold our wrist between our legs and cry the when we feel calm enough we grab something soft and knock the crap out of it.

Thats what I thought too...anger is natural, I guess cutting isn't. you have to read my other response to everything...the way my T reacted.

~

Originally Posted by anderson

We hope you do get to your T but please keep posting here by letting it out hopefull it will take some of the pressure off from it. Please do not thank that you are alone with this many of us that are survivers of abuse first recation is to cut.

Originally Posted by anderson

~
just know that I hear you and hope that you can find help in the real world.

THANKS ANDERSON... and I hear you too! i hope you can be at peace in the real world too!

[blameme]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

After a month and a half I finally had a session this week. Crazy thing is, my therapist threatened to tell someone of authority about the fact that I cut my stomach...that is, until I told her I wouldn't ever do it again as long as I am her client...I thought therapists were somewhat used to hearing stuff like that; I didn't want her to get worried to that extent, where she would think I am in true danger...I mean, I've hurt myself before, but I always know my limits and I don't cross them...I wonder if she knew EXACTLY how bad the cuts were if she would react...they weren't deep enough to cause serious damage...they were just on the surface of my skin...like if someone cut themselves from shaving...but, she said, it doesn't matter how I did it or how much...all that matters is that I did do it. I thought someone might know about therapists reactions to this. I asked her what other therapists do in this same situation and she said she didn't know. It makes me wonder how many clients shes worked with who have self-injured...thats not my primary concern at all, for being in therapy, but, it makes me wonder. I feel bad for upsetting her.!!!! please don't make me feel too guilty by your responses!

I have been in therapy for years and MANY therapists react this way. Most out of genuine concern for you. I think that once she gets to know you she may react differently. I once had a therapist who, after she got to know me, would make me promise that I wouldn't cut till my next weekly visit, because she knew that I don't break promises---EVER. And if she had to cancel she would call and talk to me about it. She even got to the point of not admitting me to the hospital for it unless I told her I needed to go. Anyway, my point is I think that will change once she gets to know you. I am not saying that cutting is okay, but I can't shame you for it either because I do it myself. It for me is a way to control the things that are happening, even if its just for a minute, because when my flashbacks and nightmares are winning, I feel like I have no control. STAY SAFE---

[jazzy123456]

Originally Posted by blameme

I have been in therapy for years and MANY therapists react this way. Most out of genuine concern for you. I think that once she gets to know you she may react differently. I once had a therapist who, after she got to know me, would make me promise that I wouldn't cut till my next weekly visit, because she knew that I don't break promises---EVER. And if she had to cancel she would call and talk to me about it. She even got to the point of not admitting me to the hospital for it unless I told her I needed to go. Anyway, my point is I think that will change once she gets to know you. I am not saying that cutting is okay, but I can't shame you for it either because I do it myself. It for me is a way to control the things that are happening, even if its just for a minute, because when my flashbacks and nightmares are winning, I feel like I have no control. STAY SAFE---

The thing is, I've been with my therapist off and on since January. She knows me pretty well! so. maybe. thats the case what you say but, idk.

[blameme]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

The thing is, I've been with my therapist off and on since January. She knows me pretty well! so. maybe. thats the case what you say but, idk.

The therapist I speak of wasn't that way till I'd seen her every week for nearly 3 years. Hopefully yours will come sooner. But if it doesn't remember if she does have you hospitalized, not only does she have a moral obligation to keep you safe, but also a ethical and LEGAL obligation. You see it IS actually against the law to harm yourself. You don't usually go to jail for it but you do go to the hospital. If she doesn't tell someone or do something. and you accidentally go to far with it she can be charged criminally. And many are not willing to take that risk. I suspect this is why she had the reaction she did.