[invisigirl]

Today was my second appointment. so it was more of the 'what have you been up to and how are you feeling' conversation. nothing deep really. I know it's necessary to establish the relationship and work our way down to the deeper issues, but it feels like such a waste of time.

and yet, even though this is the 'easy' part, it's still hard for me. it's hard to talk about how I feel and I find myself avoiding answering that when she asks me. I talk mostly about what I've been doing and such. then when she asks me more directly about days that I've felt really depressed or suicidal, I find I can't even remember. I know I've had them, or I think I do.. but I feel very detached from it. like I have a friend who was depressed, but I'm ok. it's very weird.

I feel like I don't even know how to talk to her. it's rather annoying. I don't want to waste my time or hers... I hope that in the next couple weeks I can participate more without so much of a struggle to open up.

[phoenix7]

most of the time i found it a struggle - i started writing little notes to remind me of things i wanted to discuss - well lets say things i knew i needed to discuss not necessarily wanted to

it goes in cycles it gets harder and easier and harder - but you have made the hardest step of all - you have started on your healing journey so well done you

keep posting and letting us knwo how its going

good luck

P7

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by invisigirl

it's hard to talk about how I feel and I find myself avoiding answering that when she asks me.

when she asks me more directly about days that I've felt really depressed or suicidal, I find I can't even remember. I know I've had them, or I think I do.. but I feel very detached from it. like I have a friend who was depressed, but I'm ok.

I feel like I don't even know how to talk to her. it's rather annoying. I don't want to waste my time or hers... I hope that in the next couple weeks I can participate more without so much of a struggle to open up.

Sounds like you are progressing well. Do you feel a little impatient? I am so glad that you are in therapy! It is normal for many people to be detached from their feelings and experiences. This is how you got through life. Can you tell your therapist that you feel detached from it all? Please continue to keep us posted?

[invisigirl]

Yes. I did feel very impatient. Kind of that 'leave me alone, lady!' feeling.

I didn't tell her about the detachment because I didn't really realize what it was until later. I knew it felt weird.. when she asked me how I was or if I'd had any really bad days in the past couple weeks or suicidal thoughts.. I said 'yeah.. I'm pretty sure I did, but I don't really remember.'

I knew I had had some bad days, suicidal days, bad dreams... all that. Just couldn't *remember* it.

[Miracle1986]

(((invisigirl)))
It will get easier with time.

[Nupoet64]

(((((Invisgirl)))))Please be patient with yourdself...it is hard work getting started with new T...many safe hugs...

[JustAPixie]

((( invisigirl ))))

Developing the relationship of trust is very important as you said, but I know that you don't want to waste all this time talking about bits and bobs... If you feel detached from the depression and feelings, like it belongs to someone else, why not tell it to your therapist like it happened to someone else? Pick a name and tell your story like these things happened to the character you created?

[invisigirl]

Thanks, Pixie... that is a good idea. I might try that.