not sure if I was abused

When I was growing up, besides bathing me, my mom did everything for me until I got married and moved out of her house at age 21.
She brushed/fixed my hair, did my make-up, picked out my clothes... the list goes on and on.

She also never really allowed me to think for myself. When someone asked me what I liked to eat,
my mother would speak up before I had an opportunity to answer and she would answer the question
for me as if I was not in the room ("no, she doesn't like that." , "yes, she likes that") I was never given the opportunity
to make decisions for myself... they were always made for me. I just went along with it, because it was all I knew, so for me, it was normal.

I really believe her heart was in the right place. She probably just wanted to protect me because I was 1) a girl 2) her only child and...
and she had lost a son two years earlier and 3) disabled

Was this some kind of unintentional abuse?
The way I was treated growing up has affected me so much.
I often feel like a frightened little girl, I don't have any idea who I am,
I don't know how to do most of the things that girls were taught to do
at a young age (i.e. the things they need to do to take care of themselves), I have no voice...

I don't think that it was abuse but it was a great disservice to you. Childhood is for development and this development includes learning who you are, how to do things, how to make decisions, etc. For whatever reason, your mom didn't allow this to happen for you. You can still learn how to do all of these things, though. Start with what you need to learn and develop, and go from there. You can start a thread here on it or talk to your T or both?

(((((((((((((( Miracle ))))))))))))))
I agree with Sannah. Thinking of you...

If you feel that your mother loved you and that her heart was in the right place, then I don't think she intended to cause any harm... that doesn't mean that it didn't cause you harm. I can understand the predicament that you find yourself in, it is often difficult to admit that someone who cared for you and who you cared for caused you harm, especially if it wasn't meant that way. Don't let it stop you from seeking help and support.