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  #1  
Old Nov 03, 2010, 11:00 PM
jazzy123456's Avatar
jazzy123456 jazzy123456 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2010
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 769
I was 10:

a girl came on to me sexually.

Now, I'm 21.
And the porn that interests me is girl on girl.
where one girl violates another.

is this just a coincidence?
my problem is, I really can't remember how bad the experience was
when I was little

it could have been just kissing and fondling.

or, it could have been just fondling and nothing else.

I remember snapshots of it and specific words.

so, it just makes it hard.

cuz now I am extremley attracted to women
and I don't know if its because porn can like
change someones mind

or if its because of what happened to me

or maybe I just overanalyzed it all
I think I did...and then it made me even more confused.
the thing is, when i first looked at porn I had no idea
what would interest me

but, i immediatly only found interest in girl on girl
and usually a violation aspect to it.

also, I've never had a boyfriend.
so maybe whenever that happens all of this will clear up.

however...I am 21 and never had a boyfriend so I am afraid it'll be
too late and I will be too attracted to girls by then???

help please!
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--- A bird doesn't sing because it has all the answers, it sings because it has a song.
Maya Angelou.

so sing. Jazz, sing. --jazzy123456
----------------------------
"You're not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand." (Woodrow Wilson)

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  #2  
Old Nov 04, 2010, 11:38 AM
geez's Avatar
geez geez is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 2,371
Quote:
Originally Posted by jazzy123456 View Post
also, I've never had a boyfriend.
so maybe whenever that happens all of this will clear up.

however...I am 21 and never had a boyfriend so I am afraid it'll be
too late and I will be too attracted to girls by then???

help please!
(((Jazzy))) I can't say much about your experience at 10 and what that means as it correlates to your sexuality.... However what I do know is that every person is different as to who they're attracted to and why. If you have always been attracted to women then that's apart of who you are and you should honor that. Having said that it doesn't mean you will never be attracted to a guy but it sounds like more than likely your attraction is predominately towards women. I identify myself as a heterosexual woman however that doesn't mean I have never not been attracted to a woman (I guess that makes me bi??). In general I'm not attracted to women that way but there have been a few women starting at my age at the time of mid 20's that I have been attracted to on an emotional level (I'm now 38 and have been attracted to specific women in my life every so often - in addition to finding myself attracted to men I see).

I hope some of what I'm saying makes sense. I hope you find peace with yourself and honor who you are whatever that means for you.
__________________
"Be careful how you speak to your children. One day it will become their inner voice." - Peggy O'Mara


Don't ever mistake
MY SILENCE for ignorance,
MY CALMNESS for acceptance,
MY KINDNESS for weakness.
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Thanks for this!
jazzy123456
  #3  
Old Nov 04, 2010, 10:10 PM
jazzy123456's Avatar
jazzy123456 jazzy123456 is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2010
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 769
a lot of that made sense...thank you geez
__________________
--- A bird doesn't sing because it has all the answers, it sings because it has a song.
Maya Angelou.

so sing. Jazz, sing. --jazzy123456
----------------------------
"You're not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand." (Woodrow Wilson)
  #4  
Old Nov 05, 2010, 07:13 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Posts: 19,179
Jazzy, that you are interested in the violation part of the porn, this is something that needs to be worked through in therapy. (Along with working through what happened to you when you were 10.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........

I'm an ISFJ
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