[invisigirl]

that it is time for me to just accept that the things I DO remember are all that there is TO remember and that there isn't anything else hiding in my head getting ready to jump out at me. my imagination has done enough to torture me and make me feel afraid of what's lurking around the corners in my head... I don't want to deal with it anymore. I need to work harder at stopping my thoughts from going off in to la-la land and making things up to fill in gaps... making up events to match emotions.

just this afternoon, for some reason I started remembering something from when I was about 5 or 6.. I was in my room and remembering what it looked like and the toys I had and all that... and then I wasn't there anymore. I was somewhere else, doing something else that never happened. why? why do I imagine such sick things? ew.

enough.

so now I need to do whatever it is I need to do to deal with and process the little things that DID happen so I can just move on and get on with life.

[invisigirl]

and since the things that happened were so small and insignificant in the first place... perhaps I'm really just fine after all...

[lynn P.]

Sounds like a good plan (((invisigirl))). Sorry I don't know your situation - do you have a therapist?

[invisigirl]

I do have a therapist. I have had about 4 or 5 appointments with her.. we haven't really talked about any of this yet. And I don't know that I really want to.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by invisigirl

and since the things that happened were so small and insignificant in the first place... perhaps I'm really just fine after all...

Uhhhhhh, sibling sexual abuse isn't insignificant and you have been struggling which isn't a synonym with "fine". Dealing with what you do remember sound like a great plan. You have to start where you are at so start there.

[RainbowG]

Originally Posted by invisigirl

just this afternoon, for some reason I started remembering something from when I was about 5 or 6.. I was in my room and remembering what it looked like and the toys I had and all that... and then I wasn't there anymore. I was somewhere else, doing something else that never happened. why? why do I imagine such sick things? ew.

Invisigirl,

I'm so so sorry that you're struggling with this. Sannah is right. Sibling sexual abuse is serious, and you owe it to yourself to take it seriously, even if your family won't.

I too have struggled a long time with fantasies that seem to suck me into horrible situations. I've also tried to fight them, but that only seemed to make them come back with a vengeance. I now feel they're cathartic, like nightmares. I believe our imagination is trying to help us heal, not torture us (though it seems like that sometimes). I've found that allowing the fantasies to play out, crying when necessary, getting angry when necessary, helps make them less severe and less frequent.

Please keep working with your therapist. If you don't want to touch upon the abuse now then wait until you're ready. Remember that, unlike your family, she's on your side. If for any reason you get messages that she's not then find one who is! I remember when I first told my former therapist that I'd gone no contact with my family. Although I knew that it was the right thing, I still felt guilty. She said, "What an empowering thing to do." I can't tell you what that did for me!

Stay strong!

Rainbow