seeing your abuser

I see one of my abusers just about everyday... I keep thinking it will get easier but it hasn't yet. I get terrible flashbacks when around him. There is nothing I can really do cause he's always at my parents house since he moved back in town. I know there isn't much I can do, I've never told anyone about what happened.... I don't know how my parents would react to it... It just feels like a constant struggle to keep on going.

Oh, how awful! What is holding you back from telling your parents?

Like I said, I don't know how they will react. I keep telling myself he is different now and since he isn't the only person to hurt me and stuff I convince myself it's my fault.

That is just awful xxx You must tell your parents , or someone you feel you can totally trust about this , I only told my parents about my abuse 4 years ago , and I am finally moving on ...you must let them know Especially if your abuser is regularly in their/your home...You have done NOTHING wrong in all of this , never forget that , None of this is your fault ,you are so brave to take all of this on your shoulders but honey this is not your burden to carry , somebody did this TO you , somebody gave this burden TO you ...it's time to release it ...Speak out ...let the pain out ...If someone else hurt you too it's not your fault either , these people seek out the vunerable , it's like they can sense it but it's nothing you have said or done Please believe me , they are the wrongdoers , they are the guilty .....Any time you need to talk I'm here , you will get through this and here you will get nothing but love and support ....Jazzxxxxx

How do you think they will react?

I don't know. Mad probably.

Who would they be mad at?

I think you should tell them. I'm sorry for what happened to you. I was almost assaulted when I was 13 by my BIL and I regret not telling. Don't let this person get away with it and it wasn't your fault. He doesn't deserve free access to your parents house.

Probably me, I wouldn't doubt if they would think I was lying. Either way... I don't think I would be able to say anything.... It's my problem, not anyone else I guess.

Why do you think they would react this way?

i encourage u to consider this...as long as his deeds are hidden he holds the power over you. as long as we don't tell we remain the victim. it's only by exposing them for what they are that we are allowed to heal. if you told your parents and they pooh-poohed your truthful accusation then shame on them!!!! i'd still tell'em even tho you don't expect a positive outcome.

How your parents react will likely depend a lot on their relationship/level of attachment to your abuser.

I told my parents and it ended up being a mistake.

Telling those that are close to both you and your abuser is a very tricky thing and a very personal decision. It needs to be weighed carefully. How important to you is your relationship with your parents? How close is their relationship to your abuser? How close is their relationship with you?

Just be careful that you do not step in to a situation where you end up being re-victimized. It may be better to stick with telling people who you KNOW you can trust to be impartial.

My relation with my parents isn't really the best... They love him though...

Well, if you chose to not tell them is there another way to limit your exposure to this abuser? Can you leave the room when he visits or just leave the house?

I'm so sorry at how you have suffered and are suffering. Do you or could you see a therapist?

I don't have a T. I stopped going to one after the one they assigned me after inpatient was a jerk...

It is very bad when your T is a jerk. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that. Is there any chance of getting a different T?

Yeah, letting on person determine if you have a therapist gives that jerk a lot of power. There are good therapists out there.

Tell your parents. They love you and will not think any less of you for it having happened.

I'm not really sure how to go about getting a new T. I know that if I get another bad one then that will really be the end of therapy... I'll never be able to go back.
freestyl_er- I'm not so sure about that comment on my parents not thinking any less of me.... it's kind of a difficult situation...

Do you have health insurance?

Yeah through my dad....

Do you understand your benefits for mental health and how to choose a therapist concerning the rules with the insurance (are you limited to a list that they have or do they have preferred providers)?

Why would you say this? Have you been in this situation before or experienced something like this?

I told my parents. Now they think I'm a crazy liar. I would consider that thinking less of me than they did before finding out. When someone is abused by a family member or someone very close to the family, it is MUCH easier for the parents to side with the abuser and decide to not believe the victim. It is much easier to accept and believe that your child is lying and looking for 'attention' and making things up than it is to believe that someone you are close to has done something so terrible. It is uncommon for a survivor of abuse to have a positive supportive reaction from family unless the family already has a problem with the abuser.

If this is affecting you as much as it seems, than you should definitely tell someone. Be ready for people to not believe you, to take sides, to fully or not fully understand why you are just now coming out with this. I think the best thing to do would be to talk to a very close and trusted friend. Hopefully this helps.