Overheard on the bus (trigger, verbal abuse)

I just arrived home. On the bus, several seats behind me, there was a pre-school, possibly kindergarten-age child with her parents. The little girl was having trouble controlling her tone of voice and asking nicely for what she wanted, which prompted her mother to rebuke her with "You don't yell at me!" Her father followed with (trigger warning) "Yell at your mother again, and I'll pop you in the mouth!" This threat was made several times before they got off the bus. Apparently it's his go-to phrase for keeping his children in line. What disturbs me is, it wouldn't work unless she knew what it was like to *be* popped in the mouth.

I didn't know what to do. I kept a vigilant ear open, in case the father actually did injure the child, which he did not. But even if he had, how would I report strangers on a bus when I have no information on who they are or where to send help?

Yes, I know parents need to discipline their children. Yes, I know that too many children have no idea how to be respectful, or don't feel the need to be. I myself have lamented the fact that nowadays, parents fear even correcting their children because of the threat of CPS involvement. But "I'll pop you in the mouth"? That is not discipline. That is abuse.

If I had spoken up, it would only have aroused hostility in the parents, and possibly endangered the child later. I know if it were me as a child, being verbally abused and then someone spoke up, at the first private moment, I would have gotten, "You made a fool out of me on the bus!" And this would have made my punishment greater.

Yet I'm not going to say it was "none of my business," since children are our future, and the abuse of them is everyone's business.

Is there anything at all I could have done?

People say things and don't mean them literally like "I'm going to cut your head off" and there was one that I can't remember now about getting shot or something.

Au contraire.

When my BF said he was going to cut my head off and put it on a stick I absolutely did believe that he would.

As for what you could have done in the bus situation I have absolutely no idea.

LovebirdsFlying,
You did everything you could have. You were vigilant. You listened made sure no harm was done in your presence, beyond that there's nothing more you can do but hope that other people also care too and help take charge to report improper physical abuse of children......Please know you did the right thing....

*sigh*
I think you should have called the non-emergancy number, and repoted it as emotional abuse. It my only open a folder, but it would be on recored if the child ever showed any more signs of abuse and would help the child in there case. When I was little I use to get threts like that and my father ment them. He would hit me, if I didnt behave. When you are thretening someone your age, or a teen even you can say those things because it can be taken as an exspression. A young child does not always understand exspressions of jokes, and even if they get that it is a joke it can still be detramental to there development. Abuse is "Anything of an out side cause that hurts a childs development, emotional OR physical". Just my oppinion,

~Firefly

Not should, but could have.

I would like to point out few things:
1. This IS considered physical abuse (not just emotional or verbal!) - any threat of violence, both in the eye of the law and psychologically, IS violence.
2. You are truely great for noticing this and keeping your ears open.
3. What you could have done (or can do next time) - ring the child helpline or social services in your area. You never know - maybe they are already known to them

But for now - just reassure yourself that you did everything you could then. That child was lucky.

My question is, how can I report people I don't know? I wouldn't have known what names to give them, or where to send the investigators. If it was a child I knew, that would be easy, but a stranger? I wouldn't even have been able to give a license plate number, since they were on the bus.

I hear you on the exaggerating. My mother used to say, "I'm going to break your neck," and even though she didn't mean it literally, it did scare me.

I guess you can say to the parent that this is no way to talk to a child. Of course - you risk a reaction. But at least the child knows that someone stood by her.

I am sorry for what your mum said. Its really awful and I would have been afraid too.

Children take things literally. So when people say to a child - are you crazy? - the child understands she is crazy. or when a parent says that she will break your legs - even if the child knows on some level that this wont happen - the fear is there.

My ex's father used to say to my ex's daughter when she was 9 that if she does not behave he will send her to china together with all the naughty children. She was terrified. This is emotional and physical abuse. The adult abuses his power and the child, who relies on the adult experience great tenssion, fear and helplessness. This sentence was said with a smile - which sends mixed messages to the child. This will affect how she analyses situations in the future and how she responds to them. We should do everything possible to stop this kind of talk / threat and abuse.

As for your options of reporting - you could tell the authorities on which bus they were at what time and what they looked like. Like I said - maybe they are known. If not - it will be hard to trace them. Its sad.