[jmo531]

Did you hate me that much

Was I really all that bad

I would try to talk to you

but you would look on

You saw what you wanted to see

a rebellous girl with no future making all the wrong decisions

I wanted you to look harder at me

to see

I was me

a beautiful girl

with hopes and dreams

wanted to please you

I didnt it seems

I loved you more

through the hatred you gave me

I wanted you to hold me, to love me to save me

you beat me so hard, so bad, so long

At least you were paying attention.....even for that split moment

you felt hatred for me...you felt something for me

what did I do........to make you hate me

Why did you yell, kick me out of the house

tell me Im a slut

and I dont deserve to live

I used to look into your eyes and hope that you would see me

you never did

I cried inside then, my soul was filled with sorrow

my stomach cramped from the tears I cried for hours on end

I just wanted you to love me

love me

love

me

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

((( jmo )))

(((((((Jen))))))))

[wisewoman]

I think I know where you are at. I am sorry for the loss of something you never had and the pain it has caused.

(((((((((((((((JMO)))))))))))))))

We love ya!!

[SpazKatt]

*huuuugs*

[Ldaughtrey]

Hey, I am new to all of this--so I kind of feel like I am intruding...

But that was really beautiful, and it really put into words what I have been trying to say to my mother for years.

I am really sorry, you felt all of that, but know that there are many other people out there that grew up in similar situations and can relate in one way or another. In other words--a support system.

But also know, today, what you wrote helped me out more than you will ever know.

Thank you. ed71976@appstate.edu <font color="blue"> </font> <font color="blue"> </font>

[dalila]

<font color="green">Here is my <font color="green">Here is my take on this:

My Heart Yearns For My Mommy

I sought my soul in your eyes
I found my comfort in your smell
It was to you I directed my cries
The sound of your heart meant all was well

You were my world my very life
Why did you stop loving me?
Why did you sever our bond like a knife?
When did you stop wanting me?

Was I too demanding? Too needy?
Did my baby beauty fade away?
Were my toddler demands too greedy?
How did your love I betray?

It hurts so bad that you don’t love me.
The ache reaches into my soul.
My heart yearns for my mommy,
Without you, I cannot be whole. </font>

[wisewoman]

AHH Dalia, good poem. I wish I could put to words, why did you hate me so? Why did you despise me? Was I evil even then? Unworthy of basic kindness and love? Or was it you with your own craziness that made you unable to see the innocent child before you who simply needed your love, acceptance, nurturing?

[BlueFaith]

Welcome Ldaughtrey .... it's good to have you here with us!

Trigger, Trigger--gotta go away now. Hurts too much. Mothers are EVIL.
Vicki

[MacD]

You did nothing wrong,
Our beautiful Jen
But those that you trusted
could not let you in.
It's them I'm afraid
who are sullied by pain
Disturbed by their demons
and think others are to blame.
Don't fear them my friend;
Cause they don't understand
that their limits, their poison
they cannot command.
But you, my dear Jen
are a beautiful flower
so look to the sun
and don't yield to their power.

[walkswithspiritbear]

((((jmo)))))

[jmo531]

It has been a while since I posted this. I have read this over and over again and each time takes me back to that little girl who so desperatly needed love, approval and acceptance.

Each one of you who have responded to this have touch me so much. All of you. I thank you for understanding my pain, knowing exactly what to say and comforting me in only a way that one can when living through this type of abuse.

I have posted about my father before. The struggle I have servering ties with him. After all of that, I still, to this day want his approval and love.

If that isnt sick, I dont know what is.