Romantic love - triggering?!

I wonder if anyone has ever experienced this: Every time i fall in love i am afraid of the person as well as love and adore him.

Does anybody go through the same? Can this be the result of abuse ?

well i have only actually been in love with 2 people. and the first isn't here anymore. i don't fall for people that easily....i have never been scared of what they are going to do to me..just afraid they are going to use my emotions against me. my whole life has been nothing but people beating down my self esteem so that plays a huge part in my distance i hold between people and why i am quick to accuse someone of hurting me emotionally (even if they are tottaly unaware i think they are doing it on porpose)
Have you had past abuse? yes it could be because of past issues. or it could be normal issues of letting someone get close (or are you afriad they are going to hurt you physically? if the person hasn't shown signs of potential abuse or given you any reason to think that they are going to hurt you than i would say...yes...it could be something that has happened to you that you have not addressed or gotten over yet.....this is my opinion i am not a professional!

yes i do have lost of not addresses issues that i just started to address. I have therapy - been like for 3 months now. I have some love for T but i know it is going to go away some time...and i feel afraid of him...and angry with him...because he told me

"Yes you did connecting to your emotions through singing like you said you would to me. I think you are being tempting without meaning to. This is how i feel. That you are being alluring. Yes i am a doc like you say, but i am also a man and i am telling you - this is my gift to you - my feelings. Listen and learn from it. You might have been doing this with out meaning to. I can`t point my finger on what exactly is tempting here but you are being like that and i hope to address your tempting behaviors. This might be how you got raped at high school."

Then after i told him i adored him he told me i was in love with him and that this is not the goal...that i am in love...

i was aware that i had a crush on him but it happened to me so many times. with different people - even with women i don`t really think it is such a big deal. I am angry and afraid.

I just wondered if i feel afraid and despised because it triggers my abuse - which is does. Or the love feeling itself triggers abuse and then well - its all mine. anyways.

excuse me!!! i got so mad and my face turned red when i read this
am i reading this wrond or did he say in a round about way unintetionally you lured a man into raping you???? and if i did get it right what right does he have to say this? was he there when you got raped? sorry it's just a sore subject i'm done raving!

you say adore...he says love....on the other hand for him to correct you by saying no you love me ...does he want you to love him??? because you can have strong feeling for someone and not love them you can grow attachtment to their personality and love how they are helping you and the insight you have but not be in love with them.

i wan't there but personally the way you wrote he came on very strong with his emotions and how he talked to you...his words would have even triggered me. some people (usually with abuse background) need to be talked to in a certain manner and not so direct at the beggingng expecially if its only been three months worth of therapy...he needs to tone it down a little and back off and start baby steps...he is making yo even more confused. and like i said before you don't necessarily fall in love with people it's their personalities that catch your attention.

don't know if this helped at all

this helps a lot BECAUSE I FEEL you are right! I do feel threatened by him and angry.

Because i brought out singing him this song I wrote:

Cold Fire:
I`m
Going inside
Close the doors, and hold tight
To my heart my might

I
Stand on my pride
Forgetting everything
But these notes i`ll sing

You
Sit there outside
Watching me calm behind
Your two focused eyes

You
Don`t know how
I feel and think behind
Of what i do allow

Chorus:
Still I -
Go to that inner source!
Still I -
Give, hoping to get more!
No I -
Won`t give it up on you!
Just for now -
While we share the truth

So
Energy vibes
Storm the connection forms
Challenge us for more

Now
We will get out
Of that expected zone
And prepare for more

Why
Can`t we collide
I`ll get the scale down
Weighting to my side

Can`t
Get there to you
Desperately reaching out
Should i whine or shout?

Bridge:
Help me
Kick me
So that I will fall against you
I`m so tired of surviving alone

But I get, that, from my inner source...
I will always be back up for more...!



trying hard to and wanted to reach out...to him - this part of me - this personality in me - and the only thing that he found real meaningful was something in me that was alluring.

I feel very...not only triggered but completely disappointed. Because i wanted him to look into me and he looked into himself.

first off, what your T said is WAY OUT OF LINE. It is never a survior's fault that they were abused, attacked etc. You did nothing wrong Lady, and for your T to say it was your tempting behavior that caused the event to happen sends red flags flying in my mind, is there any way you can find a new T or report him for what he has said?

There is nothing wrong with sharing strong emotions in T, it should be a safe enviroment for you to share it in and not fear things, although sharing it can be scarey all unto itself.

I fear close emotional intimacy with people, not just in romantic relationships but friendship and family, I"m scared to be close to people because I am scared of them hurting me, it is a result of the abuse I suffered as a child, because I felt such betrayal from someone who was suppose to be a family member and help protect me I received negative messages about trusting people and letting them be a part of my life and close to me.

It is scary to let people in, but part of the healing is learning who is okay to let in and then tearing down the walls we have put up, it's a slow process but a heavy one, but I know you are strong Lady and can do it.

I also wanted to mention what a beautiful song, you are very talented writer and I"m sure equally as talented as a singer.

Sending peaceful thoughts to you
Typo

I am extremely grateful for your response typo!! and for the compliment and encouraging on the song as well!! thank you!!

You are right about the trust things and all of that. Right now i am not going to find another T but in a few months i may need to do it.

Now feeling the triggers had me recall more of that ...he was right about MY OPENNESS but by far not tempting - i remember telling that guy who assaulted me - NOW recalling about telling him about a fantasy saga i was planing to write. He had a problem with that. So he fought me NOT to write it. Later - it registered in a more mysterious way into my continuousness - i REALLY stopped writing it. After a while the assault - violent and sexual - happened.

I don`t know if there is something alluring in singing in general. But whatever. I don`t think i am alluring. I assume that not EVERYTHING T is saying is true. After all our Ts are just humans and they too make mistakes.