[Artsywoman45]

I have accepted a major mistake I made in moving back to VA two years ago to be with this "so called" man who I thought would change and be a good person and love me. I moved to a new state for a year and half and did this on my own and there were bumps in the road, but overall it was good, as I got away from him. I had never lived anywhere but VA. He was in Jail at the time. Unfortunately, he has done nothing but abuse me emotionally and psychologically and also is back abusing drugs I think, but have no proof. I have accepted my mistake, but feel sad, angry and mad at myself and at him. I was healing and clear of the emotional and psychological abuse that affect my conditions; Depression, Migraines), when I was in Florida. I was also in a group for survivors. I have decided to go back to Florida and accept my mistake and learn from it, but I truly cannot believe I did that. When I look at this man with a clear mind I cannot see anything of good character in him and I think there must be something wrong with me to have taken his abuse for two more years and his lies. He recently has stolen money from me, stood me up for holidays, screamed at me, lied to me, gotten drunk and verbally abused me, tried to assault me, said crude things to be of a sexual nature etc. I am wondering if anyone has gone thru this before. I know I am not crazy or truly hate myself. I know I have some issues to work out surely, but this guy is awful. He is for surely using drugs and lies so much and disappears. He has a history of violence with women and with drugs. I guess I am wondering why I even thought this nut would suddenly change. I am glad that I am moving back. I realize we all make mistakes, but I feel so used by him and that he wasted my time and caused me a lot of stress. Thank you.

[jazzy123456]

its tempting to blame yourself but, blaming yourself wont make the situation any better.
it is okay that you made a mistake, just learn from it.
i can identify with feeling "attached" to a person and thinking they will change.
have you had abusive expereinces in the past? lots of other things that you might not even realize can affect your behaviors. the most important thing to do now, is focus on the FUTURE...because you cannot change the past, all you can do is go to Florida and make the best of it.

hope this helps
and i'm sorry you have felt so much pain.

[Sannah]

Maybe you went back to the man that you hoped that he was? Dealing with things the way that they are instead of how you wished they were works better.

[Vglow2]

I feel the same way. My boyfriend said horrible things to me over the course of 11 years and I still desperatly want him back. I'm sorry that you have gone through this.

[embracinglife]

don't be so hard on yourself. You are recognizing now that you made a mistake, and that is all that matters. Hopefully you can learn and grow from this experience. I'm sorry that you've been through so much pain.

I agree with Jazzy, the most important thing you can do now is to remove yourself from this situation and start taking care of yourself. best of luck