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#1
Mar 12, 2011, 04:12 PM
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hmmm ... well I havent written in a while, I have been talking with friends these days and trying to live in the real world.
But IM SCARED! IM Petrified! It used to be that I was afraid of people and what I perceived as dangerous or better yet THE UNKNOWN. I have found though that I am afraid of life... of actually living... of taking the 1st step to change where I am at... I am all talk .... I want so much to live a dream but cant find my way into pursuing it. I look and view all the dreams and see how wonderful life can be... but then I retract from it. As if I am scared. As if I am helpless. As if I am incompetent. I think I have been molded into a failure over the years. I am afraid of succeeding in life, although I have had success in places where I did not want it. I have walked away from much in my life including my unwanted successes. These days I am trying to change my real life in the real world, follow my dreams ... but I am so afraid. I want to retreat to my bubble, my hidden world. The problem is that my world has changed so much in the last few years, since I started to heal from the scars. So much has changed that I almost cannot recognize it. I want to know how to take the first steps to not be afraid. I want to go to school and learn. I want to apply what I have learned. But I am scared. I am lost and I do not feel confident in my quest. I feel like a little child lost in the hallways of life. How to follow a dream How to follow a passion How to follow my path How to recognize it and be confident How to have the drive needed for success...??? WHY DONT I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS!? I want to live my life I want to be happy I look at others pictures and their lives and see how happy and how much of a good time they all share and how much they can socialize and laugh and smile with eachother. I see how they work and love what they do I see how they work with their partners and with such ease I see love and happiness in others but I do not see that in me I see a void and I do not know how to fill it with more than what I know I am scared and then I am sad and in the dumps cuz I feel helpless I feel like I will never be able to reach for a dream and actually make something of it. wish I didnt feel lost and overwhelmed I wish I could be in my mothers arms and shown the way but there is no such thing cuz she is lost too.
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10-2009  A trademark of Sunny:P-productions.....sharing with the world....everybody wants to be in the sunshine!  Dont they? __________________ Wish I WERE somewhere sunny.... Sunny :P  
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#2
Mar 12, 2011, 05:37 PM
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I hate that you have to go through this but, I Love that I can relate, wholeheartedly...
by the way, Courage is not the absence of fear, its the presence of fear with the will to overcome it. meaning, dont zero on in the fear, a lot of the happy people ARE just as scared, the only difference is they don't let that fear stop them from living there dream, from getting out there in the world and making something of themselves. don't let fear stop you my motto is if fear is the only thing stopping me from doing something then I need to do it anyway. to conquer fear, you have to face it. not run from it. don't get down on yourself for being scared, some of the most courageous people in this world were scared.... they just didn't let fear alone stop them.
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---  A bird doesn't sing because it has all the answers, it sings because it has a song.Maya Angelou. so sing. Jazz, sing. --jazzy123456 ---------------------------- "You're not here merely to make a living. You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, and with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world. You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand." (Woodrow Wilson) 
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#3
Mar 13, 2011, 08:10 AM
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Hang in there!
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 Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~ Maya Angelou Thank you SadNEmpty for my avatar and signature.
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#4
Mar 14, 2011, 11:19 AM
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Are you talking to your therapist about this? Whenever I followed a new path, I would get started and then discuss in therapy my fears and problems, etc. We would then work through them. This technique got me onto many paths.
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Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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