[mrb020377]

I was talking to a girl up here at work, she was talking about her boyfriend . She was telling me how he was talking about his ex-wife. I know the guy and have heard the story of his ex being abused as a child. Anyway, the girl up here at work had the nerve to say to me, it seems like to me if she was sexually abused as a child then she wouldnt want to have kids. don't you think!
I was frozen I couldnt say anything...... i was sexually abused as a child and a teenager and I have two kids... but they were my choice.. i wanted them.... why does this hurt me so much? why do her words still echo in my head? is it because she doesnt know about my past? if she did would she believe me? probably not!!! It hurts me! It hurts me to think that she thinks that people who have been abused cant lead "normal" lives... I know that she wouldnt understand! i know that i should let it go but it is hard.
It makes me feel .. i dont know if i can find a word to describe how it makes me feel!

sorry just had to vent

[kimmydawn]

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I'm so sorry you had to hear that kind of thinking. UGH! I wouldn't even try to respond.

I hope you can move away from this as quickly as possible emotionally.

Take good care,

KD

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time0

[Peanuts]

Some people don't even realize that they absolutely don't know what they are talking about. You can only pity such a person for their ignorance - they truely don't know what they are talking about. Pity this person for their lack of depth and understanding.

Hang in there

Most times when I come across someone who says something like the abused shouldn't want children or sex and so on it usually turns out to be a blanket statement to cover the fact that they themselves had been abused and making comments like that throws those listening off the topic and directs the conversation away from others suspecting the abuse happened. So when this happens I turn the conversation to statistics (everyone is comfortable talking statistics instead of personal) and tell the person that sexual abuse happens more than people realize, that statistics show that one in every three girls have been and/or will be sexually abused at some point in their lives and one in four boys will have been and/or will be sexually abused in their lives. Then I calculate how many that makes in the agency, department room whatever that I am in at that moment for example if there is 21 women in the room and 20 men give or take in the room then 7 of those women and 5 of those men have been sexually abused and/or will be sexually abused at some point in their lives. That lets the person know that they aren't alone and usually within a few days comes forth with their own admission that they have been abused and sometimes an appology for their statement.

Blanket statements hurt me too but Ive learned the person making those statements are usually hurting more than me so I take out my anger on things like playdough, ripping paper up and so on and when the person comes forward I make myself available to helping them to feel better and educating them on resources and so on so they don't have to push people away with blanket statements during conversations that make them uncomfortable.

[JustBen]

What a bizzare thing for someone to say. Sorry you had to hear it.

[jmo531]

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