[Sanada]

As a child growing up after my mom went awayI can see now more so just why my father was so cruel and loving at the same time. Both my parents are away now so i can look back to childhood with clean eyes, un smuddged by truth and lies. Mom went when i was 7-8ish, so daddy had to come home from abroad, working in oil fields. He/we were missing not just mommy, but dads daughter, my half sister, and dads dad, my granfather, who like my father had great responsiblity. All went fom us in one year. Boom, fireworks, confusion, chaos, downward spiral. Violence just became the norm from then after from father Total abuse, no order unless he tried to push upon us order. Hypocrite(spelling wrong there), i thought, but now when i look back( not too far back i'm still kinda young inside ), i think just how bad he had it. Not domestic abuse, but the age he came from, born before the 2nd world war 1934. So i was born late in his life. I look at the history now, at the age, or time my parents and long away grandparents lived in i cosider myself lucky. Very weird, but i'm proud to be my fathers son. I'm just not abusive. Never have been, i think that comes from being the youngest/baby of the family. I devoloped i think abit of a victim complex, but i'm deffinately now dealing with it better. Sometimes it takes time to see things clear.x

[Can't Stop Crying]

Good for you for not continuing the cycle of abuse! It's hard to try to see things through the eyes of the the ones who have hurt us, but it looks like you are doing a good job at that. Are you in therapy? Sometimes talking about the "victim complex" can help you understand why you feel that way and give you steps to make changes. Good Luck with all of this - it sounds like you have a very good cognitive understanding of your life - have you dealt with the emotional aspect?

[Sannah]

Hi Sanada, welcome to PC!

[Sanada]

cheers guys. thank you for telling me what i need to hear.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx