I'm trying to brainwash myself to go see my mother for Christmas.

As a daughter, I will feel very guilty if I don't go and I will think about it all the time and if I go ...........I don't know which sword she will carry to stab my heart this time.
With all these years that went by I still cannot block her words. You would think I would have learned and would not bother with what she says but no, she gets me everytime.

After all I am her daughter

time0

[Fuzzybear]

so sad when some fail to realise how DESTRUCTIVE negative and abusive words can be.
I am more than sorry that one of those is your mother

GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

(((((((((((((((Time0))))))))))))))))

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((time0)))))))))))))))))))))))))

I so know what you're going through and I wish you weren't. I finally had to opt to not see or talk with the mother until (or if) I get to the point that her words can't hurt me. Her words won't change. Maybe I can someday?

I wish you peace with whatever you decide.

Love,

KD

[hillbunnyb]

Yo TimeO, ahem, um, send her a card, a bouquet, some token of your daughterhood (to assuage your guilt), then, stay away and safe and take care of your self. ok? You don't owe her a target, ya know? Sometimes we just have to tuff love our parents.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((time0))))))))))) you really are in a dilemma. it is hard when it is someone who is so important to us and can hurt us so badly. It is you who you need to take care first and foremost. You may find that it is in your best interest to forego it this year. Please be good to you.

[JustBen]

It's really hard to block words, especially coming from someone as important as your mother. I have a parent who was an alcoholic so I learned pretty young that his words weren't really about me. It was just his own problems talking. If you end up going to your mom's, try to keep that in mind. The hurtful things she says to you aren't really about you, they're about her. They're her own problems. (Easier said than done, I know.)

[Lexicon78]

Words, I think, hurt the most. I'm really sorry that your mother says such terrible things to you. Have you tried discussing her behaviour with her? I know that would be unbearable, but it's something to think about. I wish I could tell you what to do in this situation, but I think I'd be the one to endure the abuse just because she was my mother, but then again that may not be the best course of action to take.

I guess the best course of action to take is to tell her how you're feeling about what she says and go from there. If she isn't responsive or only comes back with more attacks, I'd suggest staying away...at least for a little while.

Thank you so much for your replies!

MY 3 children don't want to come with me to see their grandmother. I guess this, in itself, says a lot. They said they will send a card but that's all. I will not in any way force them to go that's for sure. My mother can be really nasty. It is really sad because my children are kind and very loving, their grandmother misses a lot by being so mean.

I haven't made my decision yet. But a card , a phone call, a few words in a letter would be good I think. I don't know. I wish I would live very very far aways from her but I'm only half hour drive.

You are all so very kind! I'm so so lucky to have you all!

[hillbunnyb]

Us kids didn't want to go see our maternal grandparents either. Once, my father got so pissed at me for refusing to load up, he picked me up and threw me against the wall.
I know it sounds terrible, but I landed on my bed and he re-ruptured himself, having just had hernia surgery!!!

Hope you're not making your kids go. Hope you're not making yourself go. But, that's just me. Maybe you could ease yerself into the no show concept by doing somethng else: like help at a soup kitchen???? or something else that is good for your self esteem and your goodness is appreciated.....

Never would I make my children go! Being abuse my many people myself I am so very careful to not ruin my own children.

If I would have time I would surely go help with the soup kitchen or some thing like that but I work 7 days a week. Do not have much time. Every Christmas I usually do some cooking to give to charity but I didn't had time yet this year but I will soon. I still have time in front of me.

I'm so sorry your father was so rough with you. Me, it was my mother.

Take care dear special one! (((((Hillbunny))))))))