I need to tell. . .VERY TRIGGERING

Just a warning. . .this is kind of graphic - at least to me - so if you think you might be freaked out, then STOP NOW and don't read anymore.
Gracey

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There is this room. . . I'm in it. It is cold and the floor hurts my back. It is dark, although not totally. There are people here. . .how many I don't know. . .but I know they are here. They are watching. Somehow I know I am the *star* here. My clothes are off, I'm naked. I hear snuffling. . .it doesn't sound like something i know. I am very cold. I smell peanut butter. They have put it on me to attract the animal. It works. I knwo this is wrong. . .so wrong. . .but I can't stop anything.

I feel so little.

Gracey, I'm so sorry you are going through this. If you need someone I am here for you...*hugs* if you want them.

Gracey I am here for you and reading and am sorry for what happened and ALL the ways it made you feel

safe hugs

Sorry u are going through this Gracey.
I wish there was something I could offer you to make you feel safe right where you are now.
Know that I do care.
And however I can be a friend or a support...I am here to listen to you.

((((((((((((((Gracey))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry you went through this. I wish I could do more but I am here for you. Please try and be safe.

you are not alone. I have a nightmare everynight about lots of shadows around me. I havent been able to go any deeper into it yey but I do have the feeling that whatever happens in that nightmare happened in real life.

What helps me is LOTS of drawing and writing, to try and get it from my brain to the paper so it isn't still bouncing around inside. I also take it out on riding my bike.
by the way
Thanks for the warning before the actual post. It worked. I knew ahead of time I was going to be reading something that might bother me so I was prepared when I read it. Thanks. and take care

Dear Gracie, Just another "so sorry this happened to you." I will never understand how some people can do this kind of stuff to others, let alone kids. My heart goes out to you.
Do you have someone to talk to? Can you give yourself a break from this memory with distraction? Some of my memories give me the shudders too. We care.

Thank you to everyone for your kind posts. This has been a particularly harrowing experience for me as it was triggered by a *friend* taking my very personal experiences and posting them in a forum like this one as her own. As I read my story, with her name, I not only felt violated again, I felt like I'd been robbed. We dont often think of our memories as "precious" but that is how I felt, that something very precious had been taken away from me. I am still reeling from all of that.

I am coming to the place where I am going to have to tell my T about this stuff. I am not sure how I'm going to get through that. I've never said the words before, and in fact, there are certain words that I cannot say. Every time I try to say them, practicing in the bathroom before the mirror, I end up throwing up. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this.

Gracey I am so sorry maybe she THOUGHT she could get you some help on it maybe shes a creep..I do not know what motivated her but I am so sad for you ...and um yeah if I am reading you correctly those words will not come easy at all.......you can pm me any time

hugs

I've never said the words before, and in fact, there are certain words that I cannot say.

((((( Gracey )))))

Print out this thread and bring it in, sealed in an envelope if that will help. I have done that when I have had difficulty sharing. I even left it behind a few times and let her read it when I was gone.

We're here anyway you need us to be.

Petunia